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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hey Kate, I didnt see you on so I post a question to you I

This answer was rated:

Hey Kate, I didn't see you on so I post a question to you I hope you can find it if you have time
Hi Dee :)

I am here. I did see a question you had for Elliott that was changed to me, but it disappeared before I had a chance to grab it. I'll be on for a while so if you want to send the question with my name on it, I'll look for it on the queue.

Or you can just post it on this question. Forgot about that!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I really hate putting myself in this uncomfortable position but since he replied I will ask another question

Oh no, don't worry about that! If Elliott already addressed your question, then it's fine. We can talk another time. No worries!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Kate last night I was out what my husband to the store and every aisle he was telling me what to buy and seem like he was hovering over me. When we got home I told him about it and he became angry and shut the door in my face pretty much and he told me that I simply don't like him. I have over told him that he's not listening but he's being defensive yet he's right I don't like him. but I see a pattern here every time he feels judge or criticize he goes up in his room and locks door which to me seems very child like. so is the best way never to address things that bother me because I'm only going to get childlike responses?. Dee


It sounds like the main issue is communication. Your husband seem to feel upset that you told him you did not like his behavior. It may be that you need to try to tell him in another way so he takes it better. For example, when he is hovering over you in the store, let him know you are doing fine. Then see if he is willing to split the grocery list with you so you can be done faster and so he will be busy and not be hovering over you. Try to present it in a neutral way so he doesn't take offense.

You can also try to talk about how to handle the next grocery trip. See if you can get him to agree to either allow you to shop alone (he can go to another store or run another errand), or he can be assigned a task so he is doing something separate from what you are doing.

Another issue is that he is taking your dislike of him hovering and making it out to be more than it was. You only told him that you wanted to shop without his help. He seems to take offense when none is meant. However, you cannot control his reaction. You can only try to find another angle to get your message across so he backs off and lets you complete your task without hovering. Hopefully, if you try another way to communicate with him, he will accept it and not react so strongly.

TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

okay thanks a lot Okay, I will try another angle for my own self preservation.

You're welcome! It's a tough situation I know. Let me know how it goes and if that helps.

Take care,
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I will, thanks again.

Take care!

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