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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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hi Kate, Good day.

Customer Question

.......so this is the last section I could fit in the text. I've had many occasions where I felt she was being self centered and it turns me off.   I've had a recent issue with flare up of my feet and she knew I was going through a lot and didn't call and I told her about it but I don't know if she can change who she is I believe she has limitations but those limitations are huge turnoff to me..


also she knows how difficult it is for me to get out but I don't think for one moment that she actually appreciated all that is necessary for me to get out of the house. 


II texted her back telling her that I had an appointment today which I do and I wouldn't be able to handle too much in one day. Therefore I asked her if we can go to lunch Thursday or Friday and she never wrote back. I too feel that she's out for herself and if it doesn't fit within her ideas, she doesn't bother.


hi Kate, Good day. I have a question. last week my friend asked me to go to lunch but I was too busy and not feeling well due to my chronic pain condition. yesterday she called me but I couldn't pick up the phone because I had jaw pain due to talking to the prior day which is related to TMJ issues. This is something I suffered terribly with and I have had issues with a very long time with this and she is a long time friend so she is well aware of this.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear Dawn,

It seems that you have asked me to answer this question, and have addressed me and my favorite colleague, Kate. Since the question is open and originally addressed to me I shall try to answer it.

Your friend was thoughtless for not considering that you might not be up for the luncheon date. However, her call was a hopeful and friendly one with the sole purpose of wanting to spend the time with you, her friend.

Perhaps she should have asked if you were up to it, but instead just made that assumption. She mistakenly though that you had a date and so called to confirm it. This is what friends do.

If a person does not suffer from chronic pain as you do, then it is hard for them to realize how difficult it can be to bear. Pain brings you down, makes you lose interest in doing things, and can even cause a person to be irritable.

She didn't realize it but it seems that her heart was into your friendship.

I don't know why she didn't text you back? Perhaps she didn't see the message or didn't get it yet. Sometimes my cell service delays my text messages for a long time.

Instead of letting this get out of hand, I suggest that you simply send her another message if you want to set a new date for lunch.

Like the rest of us she has limitations. If she does not bring enough into the relationship to continue your friendship with her, then move on. If you think that you can have good times together in the future, then forgive he for her forgetfullness and keep the friendship going.

Friends are hard to come by and they need to be nurtured wit some give and take.

I hope that your pain subsides and I wish you great blessings.

Warm regards,

Elliott

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

otherwise she's a great friendthank you I'll yet and I called her and she's out of the house already and she didn't even reply to my text. you are right it is very difficult for her to understand this chronic pain situation but her limitations to make difficult for me to bare.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for letting me know, Dawn. That seems like a reasonable approach. Being tolerant of our friends' shortcomings often comes back to bless us.

I wish you a wonderful day.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

You as well. I think the chronic pain hightenes my emotions

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Dawn,

Chronic pain can make a person very touch and irritable. I hope that yours does not bother you today (OR EVER ! ! ! !). God bless you.

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes I am very touchy and irritable today close to tears

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks Elliott, sorry for the mix up between you and Kate.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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