How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Dear XXXXX; You answered most of my questions April 19th but

Resolved Question:

Dear XXXXX; You answered most of my questions April 19th but I am still concerned why she was so unhappy, with me after I told her about my finance deal.which she stated I was hiding from her for the past nineteen years. After I told her and admitted I should have told her long ago she did not forgive or forget but brought it all the time for two years. She was still unhappy with me then to the point of seeing a lawyer about a divorce. I was doing everything she wanted me to do as a good loving husband, Was she involved with someone else or talking with someone about how unhappy she still was at this time If you remember my is a control person she goes does and sees who and what ever she wants to do. I am invited but if I do not want to go she goes any way. She is very active in charities and different organization therefore has many opportunities to see and be with many men. She is very attractive and has a turn on personality and an extravert.We are still married, WM B XXXXXX

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I'm Josie and I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when she is back online.

If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear XXXXX,

I believe that I can help.

Back on your 27th anniversary she "feigned" a confession of marital infidelity. It was not the first time that she has done this. At the time I thought that she was just trying to tease and arouse you, but I see that she has done it before. She also leads a lifestyle that gives her ample opportunity to meet other men, and is an extroverted, and perhaps flirtatious woman.

She also seems to be a very manipulative and unforgiving person and has used your mistake of withholding financial information from her as a means of further dominating you.

I suspect that she may have a Histrionic Personality Disorder. That is a hunch based on what I know of her from some of your past questions, but I will let you decide. Here are the psychiatric manual criteria for HPD:

(DSM IV - TR) HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER


A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:


(1) is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention


(2) interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior

(3) displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions


(4) consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self


(5) has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail


(6) shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion


(7) is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances


(8) considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are



She may be involved with someone else, but may just be getting advice which she takes too seriously (she may be very suggestible).

She is a difficult person and you may never be able to fully please her, or her please you. It is all a matter of how much you can live with. You do not have a very fulfilling relationship, it appears. You must decide if you want to continue (if you can) or to start a new chapter in your life.

I wish you great wisdom and courage in deciding and shall keep you in my prayers to that end.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC


Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your question. I do remember helping you in April and I am here to help you now. The reason why she is still very upset is she feels that you hide your finances from her. She feel like this was something you should have told her before you both began a committed relationship. But that is hard to come right out and tell her about your past finances because you did not want her to look at you any different. Most people do not tell people about their past because they are afraid that they will lose the person. So people often feel that their past is something they will continue to handle on their own. People often feel that they should not burden their new partners with their problems that they had before they met. But she felt that you should have told her about everything before you were married. She feels like you broke her trust, so you need to tell her why you did what you did and that this can all be repaired. You want to share with her pieces of your life so that she feels like you are opening up too her. She might have felt like you did not trust her enough to share that part of your life like you were keeping it from her. She felt excluded from that past of your life. She might have wanted to know also so that she maybe could have gave her opinion. People like to feel like they are in control of their lives and I feel she felt like she didn't have control over something she knew nothing about. So I want you to explain why you did not tell her, why you decided to handle it on your own. I want you to put your feelings out their and tell her how you feel. Help her understand, right now she is just still upset that this has happened, but if you open up I feel she might see things differently. Thank you again for your question.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dear XXXXX; I am still wondering about why my wife told me about her almost affair and since that time she has been kind, considerate and sexy. The past 27 years she has not been that way. especially not sexy . I thought I was married to Mother Superior that is why I was so surprised when she told me about her almost affair I would like your honest and truthful opinion why the complete change Bill

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your question. This can happen people can sudden and being more physically attracted to their spouse. Marriages go through so many changes. Some times it takes time for someone to feel comfortable sexually. Often times when changes happen it is because they feel good about themselves. People who lose weight, people who are happy and are just loving life. I think her almost affair has made her realize that you are the one she wanted and having an affair would be a mistake. I feel she is very happy in her marriage and she is showing you another side of her personality. I feel she feels comfortable to be and feel sexy. I think she has realized a lot and see the marriage different. People often can fall deeper in love when they have been together for a long time. People can hit tough times in a marriage only to solve their problems and fall in love all over again making the relationship even stronger. I feel like your wife feels like her marriage has been renewed. Its like you both are first dating again. This is a renew in your marriage. Its time for you both to enjoy these special moments and focus on each other. Thank you again for your question.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Counselor
1835 Satisfied Customers
I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.