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Ask Dr. Norman Brown Your Own Question

Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1182
Experience:  Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
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Many years ago, I was at a job where I was doing well and someone

Customer Question

Many years ago, I was at a job where I was doing well and someone at the corporate office which was in a different state, lost some of our accounting and would not help with a couple of questions, just told us something that was not helpful and not an answer, and I was sure she looked at my resume and read my written communication and used wording on purpose that related poorly to me, it was difficult because apparent attention was being paid to the way I communicated and it was overly, almost derogatory, all that did was make me think that she was doing that to me. But the lack of information made me and us nervous. Then she convinced other people she was working with in that office, who I never talked to or met, that I was doing things to upset her and that I was very difficult. I don't trust people as much but don't expect that to happen. But there was no way to respond to it, she was able to just do that to me. So I never learned from it. What to do about it? Also, do people do that all the time, and if not that, do things that are derogatory to someone or unfriendly because they don't like them or just to do that before someone else does? I depend on people for support and advice at times, but waiting for that to happen at any time. Wonder what I can do. Does this happen any more? This was years ago. This would help a lot, is it always competitive with someone getting left out? I think I used to do that so how did I lose my postition?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Norman Brown :

It is way too common for people with both distance and power to protect them to deviously undermine other people in order to keep their position. It's better to know than just to guess and worry that this person might be trying to shift potential blame onto you. If possible I'd advise you to find someone at corporate but not allied to her that could give some observations about her. For if she is a schemer, she may well have a reputation among her colleagues at the corporate offices.

Dr. Norman Brown :

There is also an independent way of looking into her character that works by "chance" according to EuroAmerican thinking, but is quite reliable, IF the reading you get is clear enough. It's called I-Ching or Book of Changes, a Chinese Taoist oracular book from at least 1000BC that non-Chinese people consult by throwing 3 coins 6 times. But if you don't want to try that (and you DO have ways to gain access to someone near her in corporate who can give you reliable observations and advice) then I won't bother you about it. (Carl Jung wrote the intro to the English translation of the German version, and Bob Dylan made it famous enough with his fans that it sold well enough to save Princeton's Bollingen Press (that published Jung's collected works in English) from bankruptcy in the early 1060s. In fact I'll "throw the I-Ching" to ask if you'll be open to using this method:

Dr. Norman Brown :

(My question) "What's her reaction & response to using I-Ching to study the character of the woman at Corporate?"

Dr. Norman Brown :

Hexagram 45: gathering together--needs religious forces, and guarding against any misues of human nature. Changing line #2 Letting oneself be drawn Brings good fortune and remains blameless. If one is sincere, It furthers one to bring even a small offering. (Where inner relationships exist, no great preparations and formalities are necessary. People understand one another forthwith, just as the Divinity graciously accepts a small offering if it comes from the heart.) Changing line #4: Great good fortune. No blame. (This describes a man who gathers people around him in the name of his ruler. Since he is not striving for any special advantages for himself but is working unselfishly to bring about general unity, his work is crowned with success, and everything becomes as it should be.) As a result of these two changing lines, the direction that this answer to the question I posed about your response (which seems here initially to be a positive result) is

Dr. Norman Brown :

#29 The Abysmal (Water) The two sets of 3 lines each mean plunging in. A yang line has plunged in between two yin lines and is closed in by them like water in a ravine. . . . In man's world the Abysmal also represents the heart, the soul locked up within the body, the principle of light inclosed in the dark --- that is, reason. The name of the hexagram, because the 3 lines are doubled has the additional meaning, "repetition of danger." Thus the hexagram is intended to designate an objective situation to which one must become accustomed, not a subjective attitude. [perhaps the woman's machinations are an objective situation?] For danger due to a subjective attitude means either foolhardiness or guile. Hence too a ravine is used to symbolize danger; it is a situation in which a (w0)man is in the same pass as the water in a ravine, and, like the water, (s)he can escape if (s)he behaves correctly. THE JUDGMENT: The Abysmal repeated. If you are sincere, you have success in your heart, and whatever you do succeeds. [Like the water flowing thru a ravine, Remain True to Yourself under All Conditions.

Dr. Norman Brown :

Now if you want to take my offer seriously, the easiest way would be to formulate your own question, like "What is the character of the woman I'm worried about, and what are her intentions towards me?" or "How can I best behave in order to preserve my position and my peace of mind with respect to this woman and this situation?"

Dr. Norman Brown :

Then you could throw 3 coins 6 times and report the #heads&tails each time. I like regular quarters because they have genuine heads and tails on them. 3 hears is Yang changing, 2 heads & 1 tail is Yin, 1 head & 2 tails is Yang, and 3 tails is Yin changing.. But you could just report the 6 HT results as HHT, HTT, HHH, TTT, and I'll translate . I always throw the I-ching when I have a decision to make in a situation that's too difficult or unknowable for me to handle with rational thought alone (and I have 5 degrees and 14+ years of college, so I'm pretty well aware of the strengths and limitations of rational thinking)--and it's never been wrong. At worst it could be too vague, or tell me I'm a fool to be asking it too many questions. And it's just a book, filled with the wisdom of Chinese wisemen like Confucius and Lao Tzu--just about how to conduct yourself in a constantly changing world that's beyond your comprehension.

Customer :

I want to do this, need to do it when I have time, can you keep this question open until I can do this? Thanks.

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