Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.
Your question is very evocative that there is so much behind the simple few words you write. I know how hurtful your boyfriend's behavior can be. And it is such a trust-killer, for sure.
For me to help with whether he can be believed and thus trusted, we need to know more about him. Is this the first time you've been in this situation?
Or has he done secret things, made up excuses, etc. in the past?
Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.
We met online and we've seen been seeing each other for about two years now. His words are always so wise and he has always been there for me when I am feeling down or when things aren't right for me. He was such a good man to me and that's why I trust him a lot. We lived far apart before I moved in.. sometimes I wonder if he's doing other things online with other girls but then relationship is about trust, so I keep my negative thoughts away as much as possible--and since he's good to me as well. Also, this is the first time this has happened.
Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how hurt and worried you feel. And you are right. It is very hurtful because it felt like a betrayal and you're not sure if it was indeed a real betrayal. You are feeling a tremendous loss right now of your trust, the loss of your optimism.
But I sense that you know that there is another part of you that recognizes that you have to look beyond your hurt and pain. You want to give him a chance to make good on his word. And this is what I believe is the right way to be in this situation.
I don't want to minimize your pain and worry. And I don't want to minimize your anger at his actions. But you need to put the anger away now, you don't need to pretend it didn't happen, just that he is a good man and had a reason for doing this even though it was hurtful. It also doesn't mean you aren't going to be observant; you need to keep your eyes open, but you need to only keep them looking for problems in the background, not make it a big deal. Trust in this one thing: if a problem does arise, you'll have plenty of opportunity to see it; you don't have to be super vigilant.
He wants you more than he wanted other women. He's willing to show you this and he's shown you this in the past. Well, if you don't encourage him, then you are telling him to go ahead and reject you for them in the end. So even though you are hurt, I need you to realize that he has chosen you over them. He wants your trust again and he's making efforts to regain it.
Well, then, it's vital for you to encourage him to treat you well and to treat you lovingly. To appreciate it and let him know when he does it right.
Trust is not a guarantee about the future or about what is in a person's heart. Trust is a mutual agreement among people. You can't ever be certain about what anyone will do in the future or what is in their heart now. So how do you trust in someone or anyone? You have to bestow trust in them. Trust, then, is something that you decide to grant. How do you want to bestow trust?
I recommend that you do it by trying to get to the positives here: he chose YOU. Well, then, tell him how happy you are about that. Recognize he did choose you.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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