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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Im in love with my best friend and she loves me.The problem

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I'm in love with my best friend and she loves me.The problem is that she is married.Her and her husband have been having problems for a while and she's been using me as a shoulder to cry on.She's told me how her husband controls her and doesn't like her having friends or going out with people from work.A few weeks ago she told me that she loved me and that she was confused by everything.After she told me I realized that I felt the same about her. We've talked about it and told each other how we feel but both agreed not to do anything about it.We agreed not to see each other or talk for a while to see if this would help things but after we saw each other again all the feelings came rushing back and were even stronger.She's told me that she loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't know what to do.I'm not sure what to do either.I would love to be with her but most of all I just want her to be happy.Any advice on what we can do?
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I believe I can help.

Since you are old friends this does seem to be a rebound relationship, but rather one that has finally come to fruition late - but not too late.

It is not general wisdom to come between a married couple, although it happens all of the time.

You are both honourable people and love each other. If you both know deep in your hearts that this is real and profound and not just her response to you because you have been kind during her moments of trial and tribulation, then you should find a way to be together in a manner that will cause the least disruption.

She cannot have her own life with this controlling man who may be a narcissist and have no care in the world for her feelings, but only for his own needs, which are primarily admiration and/or control.

If she wants out of this relationship then she should file for divorce and separate from him. This orderly process will be best for all parties, including family members. You should not be confused or mixed in with the divorce.

She should want to terminate this marriage whether or not you are waiting in the wings, so to speak..

When the process is well underway and they are separated, then your entry into the picture will not seem to be the disruptive force. or the cause - which it is clearly NOT.

She needs to make a plan, find a solicitor experienced in divorce, and proceed legally, if she sees no hope of reconciliation (which is different from his empty promises to change).

If you proceed in this manner you will have the smoothest transition, will be able to be together, and you will not be known as the man who broke up their marriage.

I wish you both great success and shall keep you in my prayers to that end.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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