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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Ive been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and weve never had

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I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and we've never had sex. She's a virgin, so I was willing to wait a while in the beginning because I knew she was afraid and needed to be comfortable. She says it's not for religious reasons. First she said she was terrified of the pain, so we fooled around a bit to loosen her up, but it didn't seem to work. Then she was afraid of pregnancy, so she went on the pill for a year but it made her feel nauseous and gain weight and she didn't want to take it anymore. Now she's afraid of getting knocked up because she still lives at home and her dad will throw her out (she's actually 29 years old and never left because she was trained as a teacher and there were no jobs and she couldn't get out of Target), and I don't have a lot of money. She's making plans for us to move in together, she says she'll feel more safe doing it once we move in. I don't want to wait to move in with someone before I make love, I'm not a player but I feel like this is too much and I want to end the relationship but I don't know how to do it because I don't think she understands. I've tried 3 times already and every time she breaks down or makes me a "deal" like she'll go to therapy or something. Her father also has a temper and I don't want him threatening me with some morality lecture, I'm 34 years old not 16, and I didn't do anything. How do I tell her I want out?
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

You have three years invested in this relationship and you are understandably at the end of your patience.

She has an attachment problem to her father and also a sexual problem that needs the attention of a certified sex therapist, who is a licensed mental health therapist with additional training and national certification. The best therapists are members of and certified by AASECT.

I would contact your nearest therapist at:

AASECT - Member Directory

Click on your state and choose someone.

If you cannot find anyone close enough, go to www.psychologytoday.com, enter your city and state, and choose marriage and family therapists or sex therapists and then read carefully as to who is actually the most qualified professional. You can tell.

Make an appointment on a day that you know she will be free for the BOTH of you to attend.

Tell her that you have made the appointment and that this is the last opportunity to save the relationship. Tell her if she goes then you will try to work it out with her, but if she does not then you will not have contact with her any longer. It is HER choice.

If she goes then there is a good chance that this problem can be solved. If not then the problem will dissolve along with the relationship.

I wish you both success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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