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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My Boyfriend is still married after 1 year. He has had his

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My Boyfriend is still married after 1 year. He has had his sister draw up divorce paper's has told her it was happening, but he's scared of what his wife will do, that he will lose his children or have limited custody. I have never had anyone love me more than he, express his love, say all the wonderful things, when he is with me, there is nothing he wouldn't do for me. Anything at all I ask, its mine. He wants to please me to no end and states I'm his perfect match, things could not be better in his eyes. I of course have been slightly guarded due to his being married. I met him online having come out of an emotionally abusive relationship of being constantly cheated on etc. My bf is not my typical type but I decided to date him, believing if I changed my dating pattern I would find what I'm looking for. I found what I wanted, I was deceived in the beginning but believed that I could never find someone who loves me this much ever again. He knows it was wrong to be searching for love when he was still married, he states he never expected to find "me". He kept me his and I excepted, believing it was only a matter of time before he would be divorced, not realizing he hadn't expressed his intentions to his wife, etc. He has since been working on telling her but lack of time is always an excuse. He recently asked me , if I loved him more than ive loved anyone else, I couldn't say yes. I've felt more infatuation love and deeper love towards people I don't know why, I told him I need his love more than ive ever needed anyone's love. He is very upset about this. Maybe I don't understand how to love, I've always fell for the wrong guy because of looks, I might not feel as attracted to my married bf but I know he wouldn't hurt me like the others, and ironically I feel he would never cheat. I honestly don't know what to do or believe anymore, my gut says to run and wait until he is divorced officially to worry about a relationship right now, but my heart is afraid to let him go. Thanks for listening.
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I believe that I can help.

You are very much in love with this man, who originally met you under false pretenses.

I assume that he has not told his wife about you. He is cheating on her and lying to her, and he is not telling you the truth about getting a divorce. He does not intend to. He already has what he wants: a girlfriend on the side.

He says he will do anything for you, but what you want the most he does not do.

If he gets a divorce he will not lose his children. He will have joint custody and his wife will probably be the custodian. He will have to pay child support and then pay for a new place to live, and so he will have less money, most likely.

You are enabling him to continue this way. If you were his wife what would you think of him?

You say that he would not hurt you like the others. However, he is hurting you right now.

I believe that you should follow your own gut instincts and tell him that you want a committed relationship with him and not just be someone on the side. You are hooked right now and until you break free, you will remain in this situation.

If you do, and you remain adamant, he will most likely go back on line and find a replacement.

You deserve much better than this. You cannot expect this from a man who is currently cheating on his wife to see you on the side.

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

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