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Dear Debra
Dear Debra , Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have a friend who is busy, she does much more than I do.

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I have a friend who is busy, she does much more than I do. She was planning her daughter's wedding for a year and told me a little about what she was doing. I knew her from college and have not met the daughter, I saw her when she was born and she is
28 now. I was not sent a wedding invitation, so I emailed and asked her to let me know if we would always be friends, like we have said. I could have asked about it months ago and avoided this problem, but did not. Well, I got her husband, and he said we were friends, always, but did not get the reason for no invitation. He knew I was not invited. What to do when I know that it is easier for them or they make it easier for other people to relate to them than me? Right now I want to take them at their word we'll always be friends, I think they have genuine feelings for us, but it is possible that we don't have the same good relationship with them as their other friends, I'm not totally ignorant, they could relate to me so we all understand what is going on, or they may really be busy, or unfortunately I am kind of an outsider maybe with them but it's just that I don't know any of their friends as we lost contact for a while and we can't seem to get updated in the relationship. I feel it would be easy to, but am not sure, how to handle this? He told me he thought she emailed me but she had not, and she did not have to, and they are very smart, but I feel she should have emailed to explain about the wedding invitations, now if that was uncomfortable or she felt not polite, what do I do since not sharing in her wedding to keep up? I thought about asking her daughter for lunch and he said that might be an idea later. Has enough happened here for it to be, is it not a normal friendship? He said, sure we are friends...and, can I be different enough where these people treat me differently from their other friends, slow or something?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.

Deardebra : Thank you for your question.
Deardebra : You reconnected with these friends so they might if felt it was too late to invite you to the wedding.
Deardebra : When a wedding is planned because of cost there are many people that do not get invited.
Deardebra : People get upset a lot if times because I'd weddings. Someone might feel they should of been invited. Some times people think someone else should have not been invited. Some times people don't want to sit with certain people at the wedding tables. It is not easy for people to plan a wedding. I feel the reason why you did not get invited was because the wedding was planned a while a ago, so there just was not enough time to invite another person.
Deardebra : I do feel they are being genuine when they said they will always be friends. You all have been friends for awhile even though time has past you still remained friends. It's ok that so much time has past.
Deardebra : They are different friends you have different friends but that's ok you need to all get to know each other again .
Deardebra : People often change when all that time has past but you need to get to know each other agin.
Deardebra : Think if it like when you first met and became friends. You didn't know each other, you learn more about each other then became best friends.
Deardebra : That is what you need to do again is get to know each other all over again.
Deardebra : Taking her daughter to lunch is a good idea and give her a little gift to congratulate her in getting married. If she is to busy with the wedding to have lunch you want to send a little gift for the wedding. I think it will be expected for you to even send a card.
Deardebra : I feel she did not email you back because she did not know what to say or how to explain it. Maybe you shoukd ask them all out for dinner. Then you can get to know her daughter and her future husband. It would be a nice gesture.
Deardebra : You are a friend of there's for a long time but because you have not been in contact you have to reconnect by planning things, talking too them more.
Deardebra : Right now things are really busy with them because if the wedding. Once things settle down they will be more willing to take the time to communicate. She might not have got the email I would send it again. You want to say I wasn't sure if you got my last email so I wanted to send it again because you did not respond.
Deardebra : It is just a follow up email.
Deardebra : This way she might respond because she will know she did not respond yet. It could have slipped her mind so a follow up email would be a good idea.
Deardebra : I feel that you could have a normal friendship even with everything going on.
Deardebra : It just needs that time to reconnect.
Deardebra : They would treat you different then their other friends only because they have been in their current life.
Deardebra : You have just recently come back into their life so they need to introduce you to all their friends. You have to meet their daughter again, there is a lot of catching up to do. But that's ok you will and it might take a little time. But I am sure they are excited that you are back I their lives again but are so busy with everything that they have not had much time to connect. Once the wedding is over I feel they will have that extra time to communicate and plan things with you.
Deardebra : I would plan something with them. That way you both can put a time in place that is good for everyone.
Deardebra : It would be good for everyone to get together and just reconnect your lives again. Thank you again got your question.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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