How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have a friend who is busy, she does much more than I do.

Resolved Question:

I have a friend who is busy, she does much more than I do. She was planning her daughter's wedding for a year and told me a little about what she was doing. I knew her from college and have not met the daughter, I saw her when she was born and she is
28 now. I was not sent a wedding invitation, so I emailed and asked her to let me know if we would always be friends, like we have said. I could have asked about it months ago and avoided this problem, but did not. Well, I got her husband, and he said we were friends, always, but did not get the reason for no invitation. He knew I was not invited. What to do when I know that it is easier for them or they make it easier for other people to relate to them than me? Right now I want to take them at their word we'll always be friends, I think they have genuine feelings for us, but it is possible that we don't have the same good relationship with them as their other friends, I'm not totally ignorant, they could relate to me so we all understand what is going on, or they may really be busy, or unfortunately I am kind of an outsider maybe with them but it's just that I don't know any of their friends as we lost contact for a while and we can't seem to get updated in the relationship. I feel it would be easy to, but am not sure, how to handle this? He told me he thought she emailed me but she had not, and she did not have to, and they are very smart, but I feel she should have emailed to explain about the wedding invitations, now if that was uncomfortable or she felt not polite, what do I do since not sharing in her wedding to keep up? I thought about asking her daughter for lunch and he said that might be an idea later. Has enough happened here for it to be, is it not a normal friendship? He said, sure we are friends...and, can I be different enough where these people treat me differently from their other friends, slow or something?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra : Thank you for your question.
Deardebra : You reconnected with these friends so they might if felt it was too late to invite you to the wedding.
Deardebra : When a wedding is planned because of cost there are many people that do not get invited.
Deardebra : People get upset a lot if times because I'd weddings. Someone might feel they should of been invited. Some times people think someone else should have not been invited. Some times people don't want to sit with certain people at the wedding tables. It is not easy for people to plan a wedding. I feel the reason why you did not get invited was because the wedding was planned a while a ago, so there just was not enough time to invite another person.
Deardebra : I do feel they are being genuine when they said they will always be friends. You all have been friends for awhile even though time has past you still remained friends. It's ok that so much time has past.
Deardebra : They are different friends you have different friends but that's ok you need to all get to know each other again .
Deardebra : People often change when all that time has past but you need to get to know each other agin.
Deardebra : Think if it like when you first met and became friends. You didn't know each other, you learn more about each other then became best friends.
Deardebra : That is what you need to do again is get to know each other all over again.
Deardebra : Taking her daughter to lunch is a good idea and give her a little gift to congratulate her in getting married. If she is to busy with the wedding to have lunch you want to send a little gift for the wedding. I think it will be expected for you to even send a card.
Deardebra : I feel she did not email you back because she did not know what to say or how to explain it. Maybe you shoukd ask them all out for dinner. Then you can get to know her daughter and her future husband. It would be a nice gesture.
Deardebra : You are a friend of there's for a long time but because you have not been in contact you have to reconnect by planning things, talking too them more.
Deardebra : Right now things are really busy with them because if the wedding. Once things settle down they will be more willing to take the time to communicate. She might not have got the email I would send it again. You want to say I wasn't sure if you got my last email so I wanted to send it again because you did not respond.
Deardebra : It is just a follow up email.
Deardebra : This way she might respond because she will know she did not respond yet. It could have slipped her mind so a follow up email would be a good idea.
Deardebra : I feel that you could have a normal friendship even with everything going on.
Deardebra : It just needs that time to reconnect.
Deardebra : They would treat you different then their other friends only because they have been in their current life.
Deardebra : You have just recently come back into their life so they need to introduce you to all their friends. You have to meet their daughter again, there is a lot of catching up to do. But that's ok you will and it might take a little time. But I am sure they are excited that you are back I their lives again but are so busy with everything that they have not had much time to connect. Once the wedding is over I feel they will have that extra time to communicate and plan things with you.
Deardebra : I would plan something with them. That way you both can put a time in place that is good for everyone.
Deardebra : It would be good for everyone to get together and just reconnect your lives again. Thank you again got your question.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Counselor
1835 Satisfied Customers
I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.