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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am currently in a happy and healthy relationship, in which

Customer Question

I am currently in a happy and healthy relationship, in which I feel safe and secure. I enjoy the company of my girlfriend, and find her to be sexy, beautiful, compassionate, funny, thoughtful and to be honest everything i am looking for in another person. I have pictured my life with this person and she has met all the people closest to me. However, she recently read a post I posted on my blog about love and passion, in which I quoted a line from the book, love the one your with, which stated that maybe love comes down to choosing to be committed to someone , as opposed to having just fleeting passionate affairs. ( I was unaware she knew I had a blog). Anyway, she now seems very distant from me and refuses to speak about this comment regarding love and passion. I find myself in the position that I have had extremely passionate romances, and flings, but the person(s) refused to commit, and the entire situation was super unhealthy. I have reveled in the passion, but there wasnt any substance behind these flings other than infatuation, and scarcity. In fact, I would question whether that was passion or manipulation and scarcity. I feel like I am in a mature relationship, in which I respect, care and love my girlfriend immensely, but I am maybe not as passionate with her as my past relationships. Not to say , I am not passionate about my girlfriend, but passionate in a more mature way. I love my girlfriend very much , but feel like i am being punished for not associating her with the most intense of passion, how do i convey that I care and love her and want a life with her without her thinking otherwise?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

There are two things that have disturbed her.

The first is that she has discovered your "secret" blog in which you reveal you innermost thoughts to the world in general and to which she has not been privy. She seems this as some sort of emotional betrayal.

It was very difficult to suddently see you as an outsider, very separate from her, and holding back your thoughts.

Your thoughts were not evil, but an honest look into the nature of human relationships, following the guidelines of your own experiences. She felt left out, abandoned, and betrayed.

Secondly, she felt that she was not good enough for you because she could not stir you to the heights of passion that she imagined you felt with others, in the past.

This kind of passion is not as long lasting as the true emotional ties and love that you seem to have with her. Making her understand this by restoring her confidence will require a very indirect approach.

She will be wary of you trying to make up for it so you will have to go slowly and carefully.

You seem to have a very broad basis for maintaining this relationship and will have to proceed cautiously. I recommend the following book for help, instruction, guidance, and inspiration:

Product Details

Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship by David Schnarch

The author has written several books on the subject and they have been well received for their ease of reading and effectiveness.

 

You can order the book in a printed version or can download the electronic version (Kindle version) now onto your computer and be absorbing this wisdom in minutes from now if you choose to get it.


I believe that you will get past this. Stay positive, don't argue with her, and show her lots of love and patience and you will overcome this obstacle and grow even stronger.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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