How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC , Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What does it mean when your remarries and she has the same

Resolved Question:

What does it mean when your remarries and she has the same as me, birth is same month and her and I are only two years apart?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling.

He chose this other woman probably because her similar astrological qualities are what he is seeking in a woman.

Why he chose her over you only he can say.

It is done and he is gone. You can write and cry and none of this will change.

You are filled with grief. That is why you cry. It is the same as if someone you love has died. When we have grief we feel hopeless and lost and think that we will always feel this way. However grief is a process that allows us to make a transition between our life with a beloved and our life without that same beloved one.

Everyone has to endure grief sometimes. Crying is part of the healing. Thinking about the loss is also part of the process. It will slow down and then stop and all of a sudden you will feel that you have gotten your own life back.

Everyone experiences breakups, and sometimes they feel very devastating as yours does. However, the pain will go away and you will have your life back again.

I would like you to get this book and read it if you wish. It will help a great deal.

Product Details

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott JD MEd

I shall keep you in my prayers for healing and comfort and wish you great success in future.


Warm regards,



Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 3 years ago.

If you want to have some mental understanding of what's probably going on with your exhusband, I can offer that. I wonder when you first met and fell in love? how long you were together before marrying? and how long you were married? and what the problems were that led him to leave you? Or did he just "fall out of love with you" to phrase it the way he may have explained himself? And did you have children together?


Now this is what my knowledge of love in the brain suggests: IF you were each other's first great loves, that is fully committed love of more than 2 years, but probably more like 4 to 10 years, then you both formed complex neuronal networks of "love-partner" in your brains, including the cerebellum, where probably our unconscious mother-complex and father-complex, and (new concept) partner-complex are centered. So, when he chickened out on dealing with the not-so-easy knotty problems of adult married life (one such problem for a man happens when his wife devotes more of her passionate intensity to her infant and has less time and passion left for her husband, who was used to being the center of her universe until then), he "naturally" (that is unconsciously) sought out a person who either looked or acted a lot like you, so she felt right to his internal partner-complex of you. So he is in effect trying to START OVER with his love for you, but with a "blank slate" so whatever the "bad" (= difficult to cope with without growing new capabilities in himself) things on his mental/emotional memory-bank of you aren't there (yet).


The bad news (for him) is that she will turn out NOT to be you, and those differences might start bothering him as much or more than the problems he had in dealing with your marriage, AND she might realize that he's trying to make her into somebody she's not, and their marriage could crash even sooner than yours did.


It always feels worse to get left than it does to initiate the leaving, because you're helpless to bring him back. But the chances are very good that his primitive attempt to wipe the slate of his marital problems clean and start over will come back to bite him for longer than your grief is hurting you now, and he will get both a compounded confusion inside, because he was trying to duplicate his early relationship with you (which happened to me) and she will outgrow her romantic idealization of him even if she never realizes that it's not her real personality that he's habituated to loving.


I do agree with the title of what Elliott suggested as a book for you to read. Because you can take the time (probably some years) of your singlehood to grow yourself a more independent and mature single personality, and have some healing love relationships that show you that what your ex couldn't appreciate (or couldn't cope with) other men can appreciate. And you can also engage in psychotherapy, which is a Platonic love relationship with a teacher whose individual tutoring aims to help you discover and develop the unique individual you can continue becoming for the rest of your life. That psychotherapist (male or female, but Platonic love relationship) will also become an internal image with a core of wisdom and self-love.


I also have a 20 page appendix to my textbook Love & Intimate Relationships: Journeys of the Heart, called Breaking up with Dignity and Recovering from the Loss of a Love that I can send as PDF attachments, but I can't combine it into one file so it won't work to attach on this website. Nobody can transmit an email address here with the "at" symbol. But my research article on the internet Low Dose Naltrexone for Disease Prevention has my address at the bottom of p1. I haven't read the book Elliott's recommending, but what I know about healing relationships and a few other dimensions of post-breakup issues and communication may still be largely unknown in the popular books.



JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions