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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My husband started a new gym 6 months ago. This is a small

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My husband started a new gym 6 months ago. This is a small gym ran by a lady in her 40s. Most of her staff are not even real trainers. My problem is that the women that work in the gym are overly comfortable with my husband (he is one of only a few men there.) They post on his Facebook when he skips a day and the owner calls him one of "her guys." The real problem is that some of the girls that work there are sleeping with customers and the owner talks about porn on Facebook. I guess what I'm saying is, this is probably the most unprofessional gym you can imagine. I have been uncomfortable with it from the beginning. I am very old fashioned and I believe there is a line you don't cross when it comes to another woman's husband. My husband gets mad at me when I say something about them and says he won't quit when I tell him he needs to choose. Am I wrong? Shouldn't my husband respect my feelings?! Help please. My marriage is falling apart. We fight every day about it.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

There is nothing wrong with what you feel. You are right to be concerned about how these women express their feelings about your husband. The purpose of a gym is to work out. Being friendly with others is ok, but posting on Facebook asking where someone is that day is crossing boundaries, as is posting porn. Calling someone your "guy" is ok as long as it is meant in a friendly way and not in a provocative way.

What matters most here is your husband's response to all of this. If he has set boundaries with the other people and makes it clear he is married and has no intention of cheating, then what the other members do will not matter. But if your husband does not see the issue with the others crossing boundaries and does not pay attention to your concerns, that is where the issue is. In that case, you may need to talk to a therapist in order to deal with his denial. He needs to understand that by not setting boundaries with other people, he is saying he accepts their behavior and invites them to relate to him in a personal way. This only invites trouble for your marriage. So talk to him about seeing a therapist together. He may need to hear from a neutral third person that he has to work on his boundary setting and help you trust him.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate









May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
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