I understand what you are saying, I know he is an necessary evil. I know what he is like. But I get frustrated re the fact he offers no solution re way forward re g/f etc. He knows kids want nothing to do with her. I am not prepared to reach out to her anymore , I did IN PAST and then ended up having to get sol involved re harrassment from her, He makes a mess and then I try to make sence of it. But ur right , instead of me getting annoyed, ignore him ,expect nothing, and keep true to me and kids. I just be afraid that kids will end up with issues later in life. But once settlement sis orted I do feel I will feel free and not tied to him which I also feel will help kids
Yes, I know he has BB for support etc. I am well aware that his problems are his problems. But when I say I end up sorting all out, eg He says he will do something with son for the day as I go to work. Then im at work ring son, dad has gone off somewhere with bb and I have to make sure son is ok etc. Thats an example . Another is he runs off with bb when he has said he will take daughter somewhere, I have to step in. I know and dont want to be responsible for him but I do have to make sure all else re home work and kids are covered. Thats what I mean. I could give you loads more examples. With bb he is organised etc because it is army. With me he leaves chaos and I am fed up to the teeth with him. I dont care that he is with BB, but the only reason that my kids are good is because I am sensible and capable. I look forward to having my own home, key and money, At present I am the rented family home, he wont move all his things out, despite me moving most for him. He lives in another old house we own, looking onto the foundations of a house we were building. Can you get a picture now , of what I mean re sorting things out. He still has a key to this house. He dosnt use it and solictor is aware, ( but he dosnt want to give it to me ) Whats that about.? . I get frustrated and up in arms re his behaviour when it directly effects me and kids, and I refuse to let him away with it. I am well aware as I do, I push him to BB. But I can not pussy foot around him, he is not a child and if he has to be pushed to her , well then she hasnt got him, despite appearances. If she has got him, well then why does he want his key to here?????? Him and her are always going to be about. Him and I have kids, I know you said I could handle him quietly but it dosnt matter if I shout or whisper. Recently when I have been asking re plans re kids etc he is back to doing what he does best, XXXXX XXXXX passive aggressive with me and making plans and not following through. We are getting closer to settlement. ( after two years of him not suppling sol with the details required, but he will say its all my fault.) Why is he not just getting on with it eg he has and old car and trailor here, Why?????? Thats what I mean when I say he does my head in. I have come a long long way and I am well aware I will cope and be happy and keeps kids on straight and narrow. But sometimes I just need my head sorted. By talking to folks along the way, I understand my reactions and have managed to cope with his behaviour, But I feel I have overshoot the runway and now want to get him out of my life, but I am stuck with him and her , I am sure they feel stuck with me, but I have moved his things over but as said he is happy to keep things over here,they are to big etc for me to move on my own. . Rightly or wrongly I am going to do and say what I feel is right at the time, no planning or manipulation because at times if I say white he will say black. If I said black he will say white. It is not about winning with him its about , keeping myself right. I do resent the fact he has told lies about me and that he has done nothing to keep my kids in touch with his kids, I was able to do that for 18 years. But even at that I can cope, but at times I feel I am never going to be truely free of this man. Sorry about rant, but I do remind myself I am not the girl that used to cry. In the past I could have got the police re his and her behaviour to me but I talked it over with solictor and chose not to as it takes things to a level that is more difficult for kids. Ex and BB aware I saw a solictor , that was enough to stop behaviour. I do resent the army etc having no idea what he was and is like with me, but re me starting a big issue with the army re same ,( I do have evidence) I actually just want to move on, that I think is the best revenge. Its strange, my psychiatric training has been both a blessing and a curse. It gave me the understanding to manage the situations but unfortunately tolerated too much. Now I wont tolerate anything.
I may be repling to you twice. I did do a reply but computer went funny, so unsure if you got same. Yes I will move all and did intend to do so. But I have had so much to cope with so much and keep kids sane, nither them nor I could handle gaping spaces in the home ( plus if I had moved things outside, I am sure he would have let them stay there. ) Anyway it is all wraping up ( solictors have been slow and I have had to cope with ex not always being available with money ) so even if I had wanted to,I couldnt be bother moving things, my head needed to be clear which is much more important. But thanks to being able to rant I am now where I am . Kids and I all ready to move on, emotionally etc etc etc. When my head is clear real and better change happens. I have been glad to speak with you. my friends and family have been great but I do not want to burden them with stuff like this. Also I have needed the little shoves along the way. Many Many Thanks. I do not want poor you answers , I prefer someone to say it the way it is. I also have to stop trying to fiqure ex out. I have fiqured him out . Thats why I through him out .SO therefore I need now to have faith in my own ability to live my life happily and I will. What did I get from my marriage????? Two of the best kids in the world, the ability to show people divorce happens but your not dead. I still have great memmories of my marriage, despite all . re my ex I have accepted he is the father ro my kids. When I started the divorce, he could not get his head around the fact we could still parent togeather while not married. I am sorry that maybe he still wont be able to do that ( thats what I find strange, (he is with , the love of his life) but cant handle the parenting thing with me. I am on my own and despite ranting to you I can. To conclude ( I have to remember I have not got my settlement yet ) would I do it all again. Yes it was worth marring him, but yes I was right to divorce him. But By doing what I am doing with you, stops me getting bitter etc etc. This is all leading to me being free in mind , body soul etc I want to be tied up with happiness, not held back with the what might have beens Thank You