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Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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I talked to this girl for about 2 months and we even had sex

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I talked to this girl for about 2 months and we even had sex a couple times. I went away for a week and she would tell me how she missed me and when I got back we hung out a few times. Then about two weeks after I got back I had to leave for another two weeks for military training, and everything still seemed fine. We had sex the last time we hung out b4 I left and I wanted to see her for dinner b4 I actually left cuss I wanted to make us official "so I told her had something good to talk to her about" but she couldn't cuss she had to do something with her dad. Everything was still fine, we still talked for the first week I was away but she started to get really distant in her texts and would ignore if I said I missed her. However she still was very bubbly and responsive when she did text me. When I was 3 days out of getting back I called her and left a voice mail and within the hour she sent me a text thanking me and sorry she been MIA lately, so we texted back and forth kinda the next day then nothing again. Then when I got home I texted her and said I was back in the area and would really like to see her and she said "sorry to be a downer, I have a lot going on right now I need a break, I just need some space". So I said "no downer your fine, I hope everything gets better" and she said "thanks I appreciate it :)" and I haven't heated from her since and it been over 3 weeks. She has also took her dating profile down.

Granted when I left she just moved back in with her parents and was looking for a new place and getting ready for law school. I haven't made ANY contact with her since but I have dumbly been looking at her Facebook and there is no sign of someone else which was what I thought happened. Everything was going awesome I really don't know what happened. I'm trying to move on but I honestly can't. Do you think she might contact me again? If so how long would you think? And if she doesn't how long should I wait to contact her?
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

She may not be advertizing it on Facebook, but it sounds as if she has somebody else ("a lot going on").

She also took down her dating site. This has to tell you something essential - that she is no longer in the dating market.

She likes men and she likes sex and if she is no longer looking than she found someone else.

She has made it pretty clear to you, I am sorry to say.

Time to move on to someone who will stick with you and be more honest in her approach.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
A little more information would be nice... I tried everything to move on but I can't. There's got to be something I can do to k ow for sure of what happened...
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 11 months ago.
Hello, first I want to thank you for your service in our military. I know it is difficult to have to leave someone you care about, but that is part of the sacrifice you make and I appreciate that very much. From what you have share, I don't think there is a way to really know what is going on with her. It could be many things, for instance her father may have a problem with her dating a military man; the point is we don't know that or anything else for a fact. I think you handled things very well with her, were understanding of her need for space and have been very patient. Since it has been 3 weeks now since you last heard from her, I would contact her again and simply say that you have been thinking about her a lot and that for you own peace of mind, you would like to know what has caused her to distance herself from you. She may tell you or she may not, but at least you have asked for what you need; that in itself will help you feel better. I think after doing this, it will be easier for you to move on with your life. I hope this helps. Take care, Eleanor
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Thank you... I'm thinking about waiting it out a little longer cuss I don't wanna seem needy... It just sucks cuss I never felt this way for any other girl when we were just "talking". Idk I'm just so confused and the last thing I wanna do is ruin any 2nd chance with her I may have... And as much as I wanna know I don't think I'm ready to hear her straight say she found someone else although for some reason I think that's the case...
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 11 months ago.
Well, certainly, trust your own judgment about the timing; you will know when it is time for that closure. I am very sorry that you are so sad and confused; it does suck. You might try sitting down and writing her a letter expressing all of your feelings; you don't have to send it for it to make you feel a bit better. And do something nice for yourself! Take care, Eleanor
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
O wow that's actually a good idea, thank you!
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 11 months ago.

Great that you liked the idea! It has been my pleasure to help you. If you would like to request me in the future, simply place "Ask Eleanor" at the beginning of your new question. I wish you well, take care, Eleanor

Ask Eleanor, Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist with 20 Years Experience
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