The Everything Guide to Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Professional, Reassuring Advice for Coping with the Disorder - At Work, at Home, and in Your Family
by Cynthia Lechan Goodman M Ed & Barbara Leff Lcsw
I wish you great success in understanding your situation. This is where I would look first.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Hello Elliott & thank you for sending that to me again. I have often thought about "narcissism". Could you please consider the incident that occured last Friday night which turned out to be a disgraceful, although thank God not physical,full on argument.
We were watching the football (AFL) on TV - her team Essendon were playing. We enjoyed a little, not a lot, of red wine. My partner went to sleep for the entire last quarter. I left the couch at the finish of the game, went to the bedroom & turned down the bed, came back to turn off the TV & the central heating & to offer my hand in getting her off the couch & into bed. It was around 10.45. I had the alarm on for 5.45 for my 7.08 tee off at golf!! Getting her off the couch was impossible - she even questioned the football had finished until I turned the TV back on again just to hear the theme song of the winning team!! She couldn't be enticed off the couch so I left her there knowing that she would come to bed in her own good time. She did this about 10 minutes later, totally abusing me for leaving her on the couch with the heating off. For approx 5 minutes I repeatedly said to her that I was not participating in her name calling anger, knowing what would happen if I did!!! However, after a lot of personal unwarranted name calling abuse I also lost my temper & for the next 30 minutes we had this disgraceful argument. She settled down later & went to sleep, perhaps feeling a bit guilty about her behaviour, but with no apology. The next day it was like nothing had happened at all - which is a feature of her outbursts. The argument never did get physical, with exception to her hitting shoulders & chest with an open palm - which of course had no pain related. I am extremely against physical violence in the house & would never lay a hand on her - or anyone for that matter. Anyway, sorry to bore you, but I do need an opinion from an "outsider" so that I can try to deal with this problem. As it is at the moment I have given her an ultimatum to do something about her regular outbursts & unprovoked un warranted attacks on me. Just some further information, we have her 23 year old son & 19 year old daughter (not home at time) living with us. The house is jointly owned on a "tenants in common" basis with me 80% & her 20% & with me being the main contributor to our daily living costs.
I hope I haven't gone on too much - & I'm happy to pay more if you think it necessary. I do want to save this relationship - but goodness me it's hard work. And....of course you are only getting my side of the story - but I have only told you the way it actually happened.
Good morning Elliott & thanks for your reply.No - I wouldn't say she was depressed - & certainly doesn't have an eating disorder. Cutting or hurting herself would never enter her mind!! She is 50 (I am 64) & she is paranoid about her looks & figure. To her friends & work colleagues she is a "smiling" friendly caring attractive woman. To me she is a "smiling assassin"!!! I have thought of menopause but I do know that there is a history of extremely volatile behaviour with her ex husband of 25 years - which ended just on 4 years ago. She's the type of woman who makes you feel as though she should be rewarded for things like housework, in particular bathrooms & toilet cleaning - & if I'm ever sitting in front of the tv & she's doing some housework I either get a serve or she just sulks!!! I'm not lazy - in fact very domesticated & pull my weight with cooking & housework duties. I am at my wits end & just don't know anymore what to do. Probably the worst of all this is she puts the main part of the blame back to me. I think too that because she's 14 years younger & attractive, although she is losing her youthful body shape, she expects me to treat her like she's some sort of a prize....!!!