I'm sorry that I wrote this before I saw that there might be a professional that you've already been dealing with. But you can hear from two of us and just pick up what you want from what we offer. Well you've got a lot on your plate. Being that jammed with tasks requires good organization, as you're striving for, because otherwise frustrations can lead to more marital friction that poisons the warmth you need for each other to survive. It also sounds like you might have all boys, which could be very hard on you, since he might unconsciously assume he's got the right angle on boys because he was one. Those differences in policy will need to be discussed, and some friction over them is normal.
I have a few suggestions off the top:
1. When you make an agreement for some tasks he's going to do that he may have trouble remembering, also agree that you'll put up a chart on a wall somewhere, so the tasks can be checked off. And balance what you're asking him to do to help you out with a task you're committing to that helps him out (like his laundry, ironing his shirts, or something else that shows you're contributing to his support too).
2. Set yourselves up with a cleaning lady for once a week or once every 2 weeks, so you'll both be motivated to have the house in condition for her to do the work you both would rather somebody else would do.
3. Set yourselves up with a reward every week or two also, like a baby sitter and some relaxing or exciting thing the two of you will do together.
4. Make a list of the specific differences you perceive in how he handles kid-boundary issues compared to your ways, as a preparation for addressing them. One of our American psychiatrists Scott Peck wrote that Marriage has two main functions: to raise children, and to create intimate friction between people who love each other to not withdraw from the frictional issues, so each one will have to outgrow their self-centeredness through dealing with the other. Peck wrote "The Road Less Traveled" that begins with the sentence: "Life is difficult."