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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hello, and thanks in advance for your time. I guess I just

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Hello, and thanks in advance for your time. I guess I just need some explanation from a disinterested third-party about a rather confusing situation I am in. I just returned after two and a half months studying abroad to hang out with my ex-boyfriend/current-something, as we had been seeing each other regularly before I left. We dated in high school, but it did not work out, and since then we have been somewhat on and off. As we've been recently seeing each other, I felt that it was different from other times -- I wasn't expecting anything long-term to come out of it, especially since I am interning in DC for all of next semester, but I did not think it would hurt to enjoy each other's company in the mean time since we are both attracted to each other and like each other to a degree. I thought we were on the same page, but last night I went to see him again for the first time since I got back. We had limited time, because my parents don't give me total freedom when I am back under their roof. He wanted to have sex in his car, but I wasn't too keen on the idea. Then we just sort of sat together -- I tried to talk, but he seemed annoyed and later said I was talking too much and that he enjoyed non-verbal communication. Fine. We sat in silence, and then he said, "I don't think we can date -- you need more boyfriends." I asked him what he meant, and I mentioned that I wasn't really thinking about dating, that long-term wasn't feasible, all of that -- but what was bringing him to say that right now? He didn't give me very straight answers, but murmured things like, "I wish I loved you more than the security -- (trailed off)," "We appreciate the same things but we can't build anything constructive," "I think I might still be in love with (a friend of his)," "I wish you were more mature/stronger," and "I don't think I know what I want." I got upset and left his car. I felt and feel completely blindsided. I don't know what happened when I thought things were going relatively well.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

As a disinterested party, and as a professional, I believe that this fellow was mostly interested in sex and when you denied it, the enthusiasm left him.

He did not even want to hear your voice, seemed to be lost for words and looking for excuses, and did manage to repel you enough that you left his car.

He enjoyed non-verbal communication, he said (meaning he wanted to have sex and didn't want to related intellectually or emotionally with you).

He said he wished you were more mature and stronger (meaning friends with benefits). He said he might be in love with someone else (but was wanting to have sex with you). He says he can't build anything with you (he wants no commitment).

You thought things were going real well because that was his intention. They were supposed to lead to sex, but you refused and his true goal was frustrated and terminated. You believed his lines and "sweet" attitude and therefore felt blindsided. You just didn't realize that he was only after sex and when that didn't happen , he had no more use for you.

That is what it looks like to me, I am so sorry to say.

I imagine that you are going to be successful and wealthy when you are finished. He likes that "security" aspect of you and he wished he loved you as well, but he does not.

It is time to find a man who loves you for who you are in your inner spirit.

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, thank you very much for your candid response. It isn't the most pleasant thing to hear, but I suspect I was in denial of what you just clarified. It is difficult to separate hopes/expectations from realities in these areas -- thank you for helping me do that.

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