How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello, and thanks in advance for your time. I guess I just

Resolved Question:

Hello, and thanks in advance for your time. I guess I just need some explanation from a disinterested third-party about a rather confusing situation I am in. I just returned after two and a half months studying abroad to hang out with my ex-boyfriend/current-something, as we had been seeing each other regularly before I left. We dated in high school, but it did not work out, and since then we have been somewhat on and off. As we've been recently seeing each other, I felt that it was different from other times -- I wasn't expecting anything long-term to come out of it, especially since I am interning in DC for all of next semester, but I did not think it would hurt to enjoy each other's company in the mean time since we are both attracted to each other and like each other to a degree. I thought we were on the same page, but last night I went to see him again for the first time since I got back. We had limited time, because my parents don't give me total freedom when I am back under their roof. He wanted to have sex in his car, but I wasn't too keen on the idea. Then we just sort of sat together -- I tried to talk, but he seemed annoyed and later said I was talking too much and that he enjoyed non-verbal communication. Fine. We sat in silence, and then he said, "I don't think we can date -- you need more boyfriends." I asked him what he meant, and I mentioned that I wasn't really thinking about dating, that long-term wasn't feasible, all of that -- but what was bringing him to say that right now? He didn't give me very straight answers, but murmured things like, "I wish I loved you more than the security -- (trailed off)," "We appreciate the same things but we can't build anything constructive," "I think I might still be in love with (a friend of his)," "I wish you were more mature/stronger," and "I don't think I know what I want." I got upset and left his car. I felt and feel completely blindsided. I don't know what happened when I thought things were going relatively well.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 11 months ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

As a disinterested party, and as a professional, I believe that this fellow was mostly interested in sex and when you denied it, the enthusiasm left him.

He did not even want to hear your voice, seemed to be lost for words and looking for excuses, and did manage to repel you enough that you left his car.

He enjoyed non-verbal communication, he said (meaning he wanted to have sex and didn't want to related intellectually or emotionally with you).

He said he wished you were more mature and stronger (meaning friends with benefits). He said he might be in love with someone else (but was wanting to have sex with you). He says he can't build anything with you (he wants no commitment).

You thought things were going real well because that was his intention. They were supposed to lead to sex, but you refused and his true goal was frustrated and terminated. You believed his lines and "sweet" attitude and therefore felt blindsided. You just didn't realize that he was only after sex and when that didn't happen , he had no more use for you.

That is what it looks like to me, I am so sorry to say.

I imagine that you are going to be successful and wealthy when you are finished. He likes that "security" aspect of you and he wished he loved you as well, but he does not.

It is time to find a man who loves you for who you are in your inner spirit.

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Elliott, thank you very much for your candid response. It isn't the most pleasant thing to hear, but I suspect I was in denial of what you just clarified. It is difficult to separate hopes/expectations from realities in these areas -- thank you for helping me do that.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency