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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Why does my ex keep popping into my head. My ex is a marine So

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Why does my ex keep popping into my head. My ex is a marine
So I never saw him a lot. We talked on the phone a lot and went to the zoo a lot. The way he talked to me was just so inappropriate. Most of his comments were about my butt and at some point he claimed he was trying to grab my thigh and grabbed my breast instead. He would send me flowers which I am allergic too and not even my favorite kind. I was always uncomfortable around him and my anxiety was so high. I felt so much better after ending things. Now he still makes contact with me event though I asked him
Not too and even though I never respond. Everything
I see that reminds me of him makes me hurt so much and makes me mad at the same
Time. Once and while lately his face pops in my mind almost like I think about him but I can't stand being around. He is so touchy feely and he kept forcing intimacy on me even though repeatedly I said no. The worst was we were at the mall and we were getting in the car to leave. He got in the driver side waited until
I buckled in, locked the door and turned the car on then off Took off his seat belt climbed in front of me put one arm on the door the other on the arm rest and kissed me, when I didn't want to be kissed becuse he knew I was saving my first kiss, and he took it. He would think he was funny telling me what I could and couldn't eat. He would take things that meant alot and turn them into a joke. Like he knows I much i want kids he insisted he could be the dad by directly fertilizing me. He assumed I would have kids with him and kept pushing having sex with me to get me pregnant. Which I didn't want at all. Was I right to get away? Why are all these feelings I have it's been two months. We're my feeling uncomfortable and anxious an scared right considering his behavior?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm very sorry to hear you've experienced, what can only be described as, an abusive relationship. He sounds like he tried very hard to control you and to take away your liberties and your positivity. You are experiencing a form of grief as you are beginning to take steps in letting him go- this can take a while and two months is really not long enough to get over someone that has tried to over powered you in so many ways.

It's not nice to perhaps, even talk about this for you again, but the forcing intimacy on you as just one incident, is enough to confirm that he's clearly not aware of how to be around women or certainly the opposite that he knows EXACTLY what his actions were likely to do - causing you to be almost quite fearful of him. He took advantage of you and you did not deserve to be treated in this disrespectful way.

Now though, you are beginning to let go hence why he is popping into your head.

There are strategies to challenge negative thoughts and images that flood your mind, so I shall try and offer you this now. So, when he comes into your mind you would need to be prepared to say "Stop!" either aloud or in your mind. By being aware of when he pops into your mind, you can control how quickly he then leaves too. The more you do this technique the quicker you will begin to remove him from your short term memory, use an elastic band on your wrist and twang it gently against your wrist and then do the technique of saying "Stop!" Ensure you fill your mind with happy, positive thoughts. You will not be able to fully erase him but at least you can move forward with your life and make things positive and happy again.

He sounds like the kind of guy that likes to knock a girl's confidence but by challenging your negative thoughts of him you can begin to take control again, do you know what I mean?

I'm pleased to read that you've gotten rid of everything that connected you to him - this is a very positive thing to do. Move on with your life, find good people and surround yourself with decent good people that make you smile and make you laugh.

I truly do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question.
Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there C,

Can I be of any further help to you? If so, please do let me know.

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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before leaving the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
How was the relationship abusive I mean he never hit me. Since I stopped contact he continues to try to contact me via phone, Facebook, my parents, and mail. Is that abusive behavior ? It kind of freaks me out. So how come during the entire relationship, did I have
Really bad anxiety and was genuinely uncomfortable. He blames his actions on military life. I don't think that's right. When he touched me with out my permission was that sexual harassment? Does it make sense that I felt to scared to say anything and I didn't want to do. How do get someone like him to stop bothering me?
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

I'm sorry for the delay, I've experienced some technical issues today, so my huge apologies for not responding quicker to you, I've written my response to you twice now and lost it.

I will do my best to provide you with support and hope that you feel you've had an excellent service.

I am writing this out for the third time, I hope you can bear with me...

Abuse can come in all forms, here's a link to a website that I hope will help clarify this for you: : http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/am-i-being-abused/index.html

Abuse can be emotional, mental and psychological as well as physical and sexual.

Yes, his attempts to contact you, providing you've clearly stated to him that you do not want to be in contact with him, would be classed as unwanted attention and you could begin by keeping a diary/ log of all the ways he's trying to make contact with you.

Your anxious state and feelings of discomfort when you were with him were signs that you were not happy with the situation, and you're right, his justifications are sounding more like excuses as he did not need to say certain things to you that would destroy your soul and your confidence (by telling you he could 'directly fertilize you if he wanted to and taking away your 'first kiss'). These actions are considered to be psychological mind games.

Touching you without your consent is not acceptable. Again, you can check out the web link above for further information on this. Cases vary from one to another depending on different factors that may have taken place but if you know he's done or tried things that you've been uncomfortable with and he's aware of this, then it's taking advantage of you.

Yes, it does make sense that you would have been too scared to say anything, and didn't want to either as these are normal reactions of someone that has been controlled or abused psychologically. I have worked with women who have experienced domestic violence and despite them feeling and knowing their partners shouldn't have done what they did, they were too frightened to do anything about it, for fear of consequences - in your case, it feels more like psychological mind games that he'd play on you as opposed to physical hurt.

However you are no longer with this man and are working hard to find a way to let go and by practising the strategy mentioned above, you will be able to challenge the thoughts and images of him and with time, they will no longer pop into your mind anymore. You will regain your control and your confidence but you will need to consider perhaps even talking about this with a trained counselor who can guide you and offer you support in understanding how things got to where they did and how you begin to move on.

Here's a link for counselors, if you wish to take a look at them:

USA therapists website: http://www.psychologytoday.com/
Another website where you can search for counselors: http://www.nbcc.org/counselorfind

Again C, my sincere apologies for taking so long to get back to you, normal times - it would have been within 20 minutes!

My best to you and please do come back to me if you need further support, its gone midnight here, but I will be more than happy to provide you with further support if you need it upon my return to just answer.
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question.
Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin :)
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi C,

Thank you for rating my service positively, it is very much appreciated (and genuinely sorry it took a while).

Please do let me know if I can be of further help in the future, if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my very best wishes to you.

Karin :)

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