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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Ive been dating a woman for almost 1 year. Initially, I wasnt

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I've been dating a woman for almost 1 year. Initially, I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship but she changed my mind & heart. She is very inquisitive and driven. I like that to an extent, but she is also very suspicious and insecure because I didn't love her for the 9 months we dated. I broke it off 2 months ago, but we're still seeing each other. I told her I would truly explore my motivations before re-committing this time because she deserved that. How do I know I truly love her and am making the right decision?
Hello. You are definitely not ready to commit if you have all of these questions. While a relationship is something that you work on, love is something that you should be sure of. I think you are on the right path as far as being honest with her and I do think that you need some time alone to take care of whatever issues you feel that you need to work on as a person. She will always feel as though you aren't 100% because you aren't. You can't fake it. She will see through it.
You need to keep taking and communicating your feelings to her and the reasons as to why you are taking some time and doing what you are doing because as a woman, she will look into everything as having a secret or different meaning than you might intend. Women are not straight forward like men tend to be, they look for meanings in everything, so you need to be as clear as possible about everything, so there is little room for misinterpretation.
If you aren't sure, then you aren't ready. That's ll it really comes down to. Whether you can make yourself ready or she can stick around for that to happen remains to be seen. There are a lot of factors which will determine that.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks Dr. Paige,


 


I asked another relationship expert and she suggested that the relationship might be 'toxic' due to the cyclical nature of my girlfriend's suspicion (due to insecurity of me not being on the same emotional 'page' as she). She also said I might be hanging on to the relationship - which I ended - out of a desire to be loved.


 


I know it's tough to infer from 2 paragraphs of text, but in your experience if both are factors, is it even worth our time to try and salvage the relationship? I know we can make anything work - we're both very driven and once we commit to something we can make it happen. What I'm really worried about is re-committing, working through everything, then realizing I was right all along and we are pursuing an unhealthy relationship.


 


Thanks again for your response.


 


Ben

I always think trying to salvage a relationship is worth it if both parties are willing to try. You shouldn't force it and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but it's hard to find a good relationship in this world as it is, why not try it if both people are interested in wanting to?
I disagree with the other expert in that making such a detailed opinion based on the little information we have in this forum is impossible. While it is possible that you are hanging on to the relationship for a desire of being loved, I don't think that is always a bad thing if in fact that is what is happening. I think your uncertainty is the most telling thing in this situation. She feels that and that is the reason for her actions, its a cycle based on each other. Talking it out, figuring out how you really feel on your own without influence and working through it is the only way to decide if you CAN both be on the same page. Anything can happen, you just both have to have the same goals for it to work. Figure out if you do and go from there.
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