Hello, I can certainly understand your confusion. I have been a couples therapist for 20 years and am happy to help. Please tell me your question.
So this is the email she sent me a couple weeks ago....
I've been respecting her request and not been calling, texting or emailing
I don't know if she's just no longer interested and this is the brush off...
I don't know how someone goes from so hot to so cold so fast!
She has a 17 yo son who is a boarding school out of state as a result of a substance abuse problem. He's been gone since november of last year. The weekend she went to visit him is when this all started...
I think that could have a lot to with this
The day she left to see her son I was with her. She told me she loved me and was glad I was in here life and jump on the plane. As the weekend went on, she didn't respond to my texts and then I got the email referenced above on Monday.
So there you go! LOL
Are you there?
Ok cool... got your email
Hello, I am here. I have switched to the Q&A mode as I could not view your replies in chat. Sorry about that. Give me a moment to read over your replies.
Thank you for your patience, Andy. After reading her e-mail, I believe you are correct, that this is about her son. I definitely do not believe it is a brush off or that she no longer cares. It sounds like she cares very much about you and truly needs some space and needed to cancel your trip. You are wise to be giving her that space. She may also be a person who needs alone time and if you can show her that you respect that about her, she will feel safe with you. But I think it is about her son. She may have found him unhappy and not doing well and as a result feels guilty about being happy with you and taking a trip. Does this make sense?
Yes, I think this is it. She's an MD and very much a thinker and used to being independent. When we sat down to talk about it, she referenced her son coming home and what that would look like. How he would adapt. Also, she's mentioned being in a bad 20-year marriage and never wanting that to happen again. We've not talked about marriage or anything like that, so I think there is some emotional baggage about trusting me.
She came up with the idea of seeing each other twice a week, which I was fine with. In fact, we went out a Saturday night and had a great time like we always have had. I respected her on Sunday by not contacting her at all. On Monday, I did text to let her know that I was thinking about her and to have a good day. Later in the afternoon, I got this email:
Thanks Eleanor! I appreciate your advice. I know I am doing the right thing here, but it's good to get some validation. It's hard sledding right now, because I do miss her company. Time will tell! :)