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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3022
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I met this guy online, hes a libra and Im a Virgo we met

Resolved Question:

I met this guy online, he's a libra and I'm a Virgo we met a couple times, but no to sure if he likes me enough now he doesn't message me back or call, he say wait till he's ready to message but I can't always wait, he is good looking, what to do with this situation?
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 8 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you meet a person, after you got the chance to share online, and he does not contact you back, his concrete behaviors are showing his level of interest, something about his personality and way of sharing. In this concrete scenario his behaviors show he is not truly interested.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

On the other hand, you could find people who do the opposite, who would even push further contact as much as possible, what shows you they are interested but it does not mean they are mature, healthy or good matches, it only shows their general intentions to get your attention, interest and attachment, whether using one or other strategy.

Customer: what should I do delete his number how to move on
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It depends on what you want and expect from this situation. If you feel it's worthy to wait and afford the consequences from it, from his lack of interest, avoidance and more, then you would wait.But if this is not what you look for around romance, then better for you to take consistent action in order not to fuel further unrealistic expectations and the attachment they create.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Always be realistic taking into account concrete behaviors to asses reality. Words could be used to manipulate people, but concrete behaviors would be much harder to fake, specially if you take enough time to know another person. In this brief period of time you have already seen enough to know this person is not interest and seems not to deserve you attention.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer: No not really
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you tell me more about what you think and feel?

Customer: Reality is he not contacting me shows his level of interest which is nothing
Customer: I think he is good looking, I feel like he is not interested
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, it shows he is not interested. Then you would need to decide if it is worthy to keep expecting this person to become interested and change or to face reality and focus on people who deserve your attention.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Being good looking is something nice for sure, but it does not say anything about the person's personality, maturity, preferences and behaviors, but he getting in touch with you online, then meeting a couple of times and ending contact shows he is not interested and not very empathic, once you showed you are interested and he suddenly decided to end communication. He said you need to wait until he is ready, then he feels comfortable ending communication and telling you to wait if you are interested, and that's not very assertive - sensitive behavior.

Customer: Ok so I am going to this guy behind me
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I suggest you to first assess how well a person matches your core needs and expectations. Good looking could be important but they do never ensure a potential for healthy and fulfilling dating - relationships, for that what you need is to have same core values, beliefs, life styles and compatible personalities, similar maturity level and more.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

And it always needs to be reciprocal, otherwise it would never work.

Customer: There is this other guy as well met online we've seen each and spoke for about year but he said I wasn't his girlfriend or wife and after that I said the same thing to him - saying he's not my boyfriend or husband I'm tired dating or meeting not so good guys online so I deleted my profile
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to hear that, but one common issue about online dating is that many superficial relationships develop, people build high expectations they project on potential partners and then have to face reality when confronted by painful facts, since the other person's behaviors show how interest and mature and caring they happen to be, and when such behaviors do not point at mature - committed relationships, then you could spend years dating without getting any deeper into healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Customer: So I should delete their number and change mine
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

One common issue is that many times the better the looking, the higher the chances for the person to have a bigger ego or to be more superficial. This is not an absolute but uses to happen with people who have not worked in themselves enough, who are not mature enough, thus setting "good looking" as a core factor for dating would never really help when it is about making a good choice.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you want to truly move on and not to waste time with the worn people, then the consistent actions would be to delete-block phone numbers, social networking connections, and when necessary to change your own phone number.

Customer: So delete them both and block their numbers not to sure how to block numbers
Customer: Even the guy I have seen and spoken for after a year?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you feel this frustrated because of what happened, which seems totally reasonable for anybody in your shoes, then I would say that would be wise.

Customer: I am not to sure how to block numbers?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but that depends on your phone device and phone service.

Customer: Oh ok
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You could contact your provider and read your phone guide to find out how to do it.

Customer: Ok I will do that
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for trusting me.

Customer: If I block the guy I have spoken and seen for a year, then I move on right because he isn't giving what I want plus the other guy who tells me to wait for him to be ready
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

That's correct, the would be the most consistent and assertive approach.

Customer: Great thanks
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please feel free to contact me back for any further support. I"d love to follow up.

Customer: Ok great thanks, XXXXX XXXXX
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No problem. Bye for now.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3022
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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