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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1355
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I recently (a month and a half ago) met someone and it doesnt

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I recently (a month and a half ago) met someone and it doesn't happen to me but I fell in love with her at first site. We got sexually involved rather immediately and there started to be an emotional connection between the both of us and I started bringing up the idea that I would like to have a relationship with her, I found out after a week of knowing her that she has been with someone for two years and the relationship is on the way out and that the feelings she has for me are genuine. I have asked her a few times about ending her relationship with him and we can start something together, and she told me that she still loved him very deeply and would hope it would turn around. That caught me off guard and really hurt but as previously stated I only felt this way about one other girl before and being 30 I have been in a few relationships that the connection was never this strong.

Well yesterday the guy ended things with her in a rather horrible way and it tore her up emotionally. She has been very upset and I know I shouldn't have asked, but I asked her right then that I would like to be with her. She was very upset that I would put that on her the day he broke up with her but I have brought this up often previously. The things she has told me is that no one has ever shown the kind of affection and caring for her like I have and all of these nice things that I can't understand why she doesn't want to be with me.

I guess I would like to know if she is just leading me on for her own self gratification, or if I should try to wait until things settle from her break-up and continue to be there until she is ready? It is one of those things that my heart can't let go and wouldn't know how to if that is what seems like the best solution. She's stayed the night with me many times and will again the end of this week, we do have a three hour drive between us.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. It can be very dangerous for someone to go right from one relationship into another, especially in the way you say her boyfriend ended things with her. You have to give her some time alone and some space to get over the break up or else is can come back and be a bad thing in your relationship if she does decide to take that chance with you.
What I would suggest is that you tell her how you feel about her and that you understand that she needs some time and space. Explain that you want to give that to her, but you can't let her go because of how you feel. Tell her you are there for her whenever you need her, but you will take a few steps back out of respect to her. Ask her what she wants from you at this time as far as just leaving her completely alone or if she wants you to be there for her to help heal from the break up. Just ask her straight out and bluntly. It's the only way you will get a direct answer. By telling her how you feel, there will also be no questions there. Then let her make the choices she needs to make. You can't control what she decides to do, but you can make sure she knows how you feel so that there is no doubt in your mind that you made certain she was aware of it.
I know you think you need to be with her right now, but giving her the space and time to get over her break up in a proper way will be much better for everything in the long run. Remember that you can only control your actions and how you handle all of this, she is the one who has to decide the rest.
So, put it all out there on the table and let her figure the rest of it out. She will respect you for your honesty and know where you stand.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1355
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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