I am still going ahead with divorce, but in both my head and heart i feel my ex and I have feelings for each other, I suspose I wan tto be told that its ok to just let things go unfold. every time I feel we get close I block it because I am not prepared to go back to the way he was. But while I know he is trying to build a life with her, he still wants me. Alot o his behaviour was related to war situations ,so I can rationalise same, but I dont want to be hurt again. Thats why I am prepared to go it alone despite what I feel
Sorry about spelling of same., As time has gone by I have understood his behaviour, I feel he only engages with someone or something for his own gain. eg when we first split up I was happy to spend xmas day with him for sake of kids but he went to girlfriends despite kids crying and asking him to stay.
Thats what I know. I know I need a shove on, because as I become more and more independant I get more and more happy. Then he becomes more and more chatty with me. I can understand what the psychology is behind all that. But why cant his girlfriend just get on with being with him, let him be a parent and if she sees me say hello ( THATS ALL i WANT FOR SAKE OF KIDS) But she seems to want him out of our lives and I feel that is unfair to kids
your right, i know thats what i have to do. I suppose I just needed to be reminded. ( actually I can cope with her, at times both kids I and I think her behaviour is very very funny) but deep down my fear is, as i praise him, we get close, thats what always happens. I just dont want to end back in the same mess that I had to call in solictors to sort out. AT times I feel it would be better if he wasnt in my life, but that is unfair to kids.. If Im honest sometimes I get fed up feeding his ego ( its big ego to fell ) but talking things through with you is helping me sort out my head out
your right. Tonite I got really angry and frustrated with him, but it was only because of kids issues. i also got angry that he was wasting my time, I wasnt crying because he was heading to bunny boilers house. I guess once all is settled with solictors i will be ok. Kids are doing great despite all and while they love their dad theye are not stupid re his behaviour. I am a psychiatric nurse so have some savy. But its good to hear some one tell me to keep going. Despite all my ex and I can laugh and while I think he has issues he can be very funny( I like funny) I just get tired having to watch out for the player in him. But also if he is a player with me , he is a player with her, thats why she is insecure .I will live my life , let them get on with it, and as you say praise him re kids and if that dosnt work I will shout at him ( actually that has worked quite well at times)
thanks, as I read over my messages. I think I am afraid that in the future I will end up back with him, and that would make the divorce not needed in the first place. But I know if you knew my full story you would say keep going,. I know if my ex had it all to do over again he would have held unto myself and his family life. He is not talking me out of divorce, I feel he knows its the only way maybe he will get some order back in his life. I also know that I have to accept that I cant controll everything and I supose in my heart I would love that we could be friends, but mostly what I would really love is that he becomes more functional and that I could respect him again, and be proud of him. At times I feel like his therapist but feel I have to do that because time has shown it help him be able to be a better father to the kids. People have said I am too good re that and that i should let him fail re kids. I disagree with that because, why let the kids suffer when I know I can get better results . I also know he loves the them. What I do know , is when he gets better re kids, bunny boiler throughs a wobbler and has to get extra attention. I in turn tell him to wise up and kids have to come first, I have actually made good work re same ( . I do fell she needs to grow up, she is about 60 yars old, never had kids, he is 62 , I was his second wife, who got on really well with his first two kids. I am 54 and I am getting fed up with all this silliness. If I was a gambler I would say he loves me, but is wise enough to know the situation is to muddled to start again. Kids and I do go to church, I pray and so do kids. I have to keep going and leave the rest to god, and in the future we can be friends thats a bonus Thanks V
thank you so much you have been great. you have summed it all up brillantly. I just needed reassurance that I am not seeing things clearly.I will score you well but just wanted to say thanks . If in future I need to talk I will be very happy to contact you.