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It is possible that your girlfriend has fallen out of love with you, but it is more likely that she is suffering from depression..
She has lost interest in your relationship, has separated herself from you, is very irritable, and seems to be in a depressed mood.
Here are the official symptoms form the DSM-IV psychiatric criteria manual:
Major Depressive Episode
DSM IV Criteria
A) Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure
Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to a general medical condition, or mood-incongruent delusions or hallucinations
1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.
2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)
3) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gains.
4) insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
5) psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
6) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
7) feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick)
8) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)
9) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide
B) The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode
C) The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
D) The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism)
E) The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.
Masturbation gives her relieve from anxiety which she may have with her depression. To admit it is embarrassing for her. She may also be doing it in her sleep as well.
I suggest that you both go together to a marriage and family therapist to try to increase your level and temper of communication.
The therapist will pick up on her depression.
She may wish to see a therapist herself about her depression, which seems pronounced.
You may, in the interim, suggest this workbook for her or have it sent to her (or delivered electronically to her computer):
Because this situation is affecting you as well, you will no doubt benefit from this book as well.
This can be turned around but she must be able to recognize her part in it and come to terms by means of action.
If you cause undue stress in her life (and you did not indicate that you did) then try to become aware of how you related to her, particularly while she is so terribly irritable and touchy.
I wish you both great success and healing and to that end I shall keep you both in my prayers.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC