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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I just broke up 3 weeks ago with the guy I was seeing. He

Customer Question

I just broke up 3 weeks ago with the guy I was seeing. He is in the first year of his divorce after a very hard last 5 years with his family. His ex got the kids to be very mean and unkind and rude to him for those years. He is now trying to put the relationship back together with the kids, which I support. He also has a big job and the ex is also causing constant grief at every turn and his oldest daughter is having a hard time changing houses each week and feels she is hurting Mom by being nice to Dad.
Anyway - I was getting the short end of the stick a lot of time...I still was not going to meet his kids after 6 mths of dating because they were being awful to him and therefore would be to me, so we decided to still wait. He also was worn out from the job and the kids so I would end up with an exhausted, but sweet boyfriend. He is pure gold, but not able to give as much as he would like right now.
I broke it off so he could get his stuff together and be available later down the line.
We decided to take a break for a few months. He checks in by texting me sometimes and also playing a word game back and forth with me.
My heart is breaking, I can't seem to want to go out with other guys who are asking. I seem to love the guy I broke up with. How do I know what his texts etc mean and also how do I act during our time apart.?
We said we were going to see each other once in awhile, but he hasn't facilitated that and I am feeling stuck.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been caught up in this and also that he's having to work through his stuff before he seems able to move forward with you. He seems to be doing what it is you've suggested to him but almost literally?

He doesn't seem to realize (or needs prompting), that you're missing him and that what you've both agreed to is actually quite difficult for you emotionally and physically. His texts don't seem to say much and perhaps you both need to revisit your agreement again and if you really want to be with him, give him the space he needs but also connect with one another more. The reason you can't or don't feel able to go out with other guys is because you have very strong feelings for this guy and the only reason you're not together is because of his family issues, would you agree with that?

My initial thought seems that you both need to communicate again, text him and perhaps meet in the near future to discuss what is going on emotionally for you both (men have a much more practical way of dealing and coping with things on the whole whereas women can become far more analytical and work through issues from an emotional level), he's doing what was agreed - staying away, texting occasionally and 'working on his stuff' if you feel he's reading this whole agreement wrong, then it very much needs clarification. Life is short, if you like this guy and feel you're in love with him, he needs to be more aware before things move on.


He is also 'giving you the space, to see where your head and heart are at' - but it doesn't seem like you're the one that needs it and he needs to be aware of that. You both seem to have made the right choice in holding off from meeting the kids however, you have put aside a relationship that clearly still means a lot to you.

How to act during your time apart can only be determined by how you have both left this relationship and how you both see your agreement - are you on a time-out from the relationship? Or are you still together but just keeping your distance while he has some space to sort things out? First, this needs clarity, then you can decide how you proceed. If it's the latter and you're both still together - then it's important to sustain your connection to one another, if you're both on a time-out then you need a clearer break and see what comes after summer (however I'm really not picking this up from your email, hence why this feels so much harder for you).

You deserve to get clarity on your relationship with him and only then will you know, through your own gut feeling, how to move forward with this person, who clearly means a lot to you.

I hope this is providing you with further points to consider but also providing you with clarity of your situation, I truly do hope it is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I love your answer, but need a little more info.


He hadn't communicated with me other than the word game for over a week, but all of a sudden today texted me that he was going to AZ for a couple days for work, back on Weds. Not sure why he would do this.


 


Also, we are definitely on a break...am I crazy to think he will have sorted stuff out by the end of the summer? Should I just move on? I am so confused.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Karin


 


I love your answer, but need a little more info.


He hadn't communicated with me other than the word game for over a week, but all of a sudden today texted me that he was going to AZ for a couple days for work, back on Weds. Not sure why he would do this.


 


Also, we are definitely on a break...am I crazy to think he will have sorted stuff out by the end of the summer? Should I just move on? I am so confused.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Yes, the no-contact but only through games seems a little random, it feels as though he's keeping his distance emotionally and really not getting attached. The 'letting you know his plans' seems as though he's trying to keep you informed about his life and plans.

I don't honestly believe he will have this stuff sorted by the end of summer, hence why I believe you both need to re-engage and discuss this all through. Your feelings for him are still strong - do you feel you CAN move on? You will eventually want some kind of closure on this - better to deal with it fully and completely with him rather than wondering what might could have been, later.

My best to you, do come back if you need further clarity, my aim is to get a positive rating and to ensure you get the support you need. :)

--------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively before you leave the site so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for rating my service positively and for the bonus, it is very much appreciated.

Please do let me know if I can be of further help in the future, if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my best wishes to you and good luck in resolving this, I truly hope you can work through it.

Karin :)

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