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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1822
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hi. Me and my fiancé recently got engaged and I have a few

Resolved Question:

Hi. Me and my fiancé recently got engaged and I have a few questions. I know we need to talk about what our plans are together but I don't know specifically what to ask and into detail. When I was with her Friday, she was talking about getting a card linked to my account so we can put both of our bank accounts together. I don't know if this is the right time to do that but thats why I want to ask someone.

My other questions is what do I need to ask her specifically about plans for the future. I dont want to miss anything out and I want to make sure I have everything.

My last question is ,to me, I think an engagement is a test drive for marriage. So I dont know if we should move in together but the problem is that I live at my parents house. And Im not planing to move out any time soon. I know it sounds strange but, I work at AT&T as a Store Manager and im in College so money isnt the problem, I actually get paid well from AT&T , but I have most of my paychecks in a high-interest savings account and I am using that to save for a house that I would like to buy later on, maybe when I finish College. Would that be OK?

Thanks for your help!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra :

Thank you for your question.

Deardebra :

I want to first talk about her wanting to link accounts together before I read any further.

Deardebra :

I would not rush into linking accounts together just yet. Some people do not do this and have their own money in their own accounts.

Deardebra :

Also some times people do have joint accounts, but this is not something you have to do. You want to keep track of your finances and also know what is going on. Not everyone handles their finances the same, so you want to discuss what is in your best interest. I feel that if you are willing to link accounts together I would wait until after you are married.

Deardebra :

You want to ask her where does she see herself in five years from now. You want to make sure you both are both going in the right direction together. You have set goals and she has set goals and you want to make sure that each others goals are similar. If she wants to travel the world and you want to stay in one state then your goals are totally different.

Deardebra :

It is important to ask her if she wants children, if you want children.

Deardebra :

Where you both are going to live.

Deardebra :

These are the important questions.

Deardebra :

You have a very solid plan for your future. It is excellent that you are saving for a house and you have a great job as store manager. You know exactly what your future plans are and that is why it is important to see if she wants the same things.

Deardebra :

Some people do move in together before they even become engaged, but some times people wait until they are married to get a home together. It is all in what you want to do. You want to have a correct start and I feel that your plan of buying a home is a good plan.

Deardebra :

If you save for your home, and then move into a home together once you are married that is a good plan. You do not have to rush things. Some times people do move in together to see if they are compatible to live together as well. This does give you an idea what life would be like together.

Deardebra :

I think buying a house after college sounds like a good goal. You are saving and planning ahead.

Deardebra :

But you want to discuss this with your fiancé.

Deardebra :

It is important that you are on the same plan. I would wait to link accounts I feel that is to soon.

Deardebra :

So the questions you want to ask her are these questions.

Deardebra :

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Deardebra :

Do you want to have children?

Deardebra :

Where do you want to live when we get married?

Deardebra :

What are your long term goals?

Customer:

ok. I already know that she wants children, we had talked about that months ago before we were engaged anyway.

Deardebra :

That is good so you both discussed that already. You want to ask her anything that you want to know.

Deardebra :

You want to be prepared for the future together.

Deardebra :

Anything you feel you need to know just tell her you would like to ask her a few things.

Deardebra :

You also can write some things down that way you will be prepared now hen you do ask her.

Customer:

ok thats a good idea..

Customer:

thank you for your help!

Deardebra :

You welcome and also you can ask her if she has anything she would like to ask you as well. Communication is very important in a relationship.

Customer:

ok

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1822
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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