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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I have been in a loving relationship for two years and am 19

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I have been in a loving relationship for two years and am 19 years old. I find my boyfriend wants a more serious relationship and I was sort of pulled into a heavy commitment willingly but a little confused. He wants to move in together and live happily ever after but that's just not what I want yet. He is what I need in so many ways but not what I want. I'm not attracted to him sexually but I love him and the companionship is great. :) Unfortunately, I find myself missing being single and attracted to other guys. I'm just not sure what I should do at this point and don't know how I let this sneak up on me. I'm afraid we're to young and that I'll miss out on my youth if I stay with him. Is this feeling temporary? Should we break up? I'm so confused.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry to hear you're in this dilemma, he sounds great for you in many ways but it is important that you are totally honest with yourself and with him. If you're not sexually attracted to him and you've been with him for two years to date, you need to consider whether this could become a long term issue which can be harder to resolve as the years go by (we have many such related issues that people ask us questions around here on Just Answer too, so it is very much a real problem).

I'm wondering whether you've communicated these feelings with him, explained how you're feeling and thinking about things - that you are feeling that perhaps you want to experience life around you a little more before you actually make a long term commitment to him, how would discussing this feel with him? Sometimes, such hard choices may feel unfair to have to make, but can be quite liberating for you. If he was "the one" - you would know and feel it without even thinking for a second... However, his qualities are what makes you feel secure with him but is this enough for you and, as you say, at 19 years of age - has it all come too soon for you?

Some people might say, 'You have one life to live, live it how YOU want.' What are your thoughts on this, I wonder..

I hear that you've voiced your opinions to him, but it doesn't seem to have to hit home yet? Do you think it's because he's choosing not to take it on board? If so, your concerns need to be made more clearer perhaps? As he might be hoping your feelings might subside and go away, I don't think that's the case and your feelings surrounding this will only get stronger.

I can't tell you whether you 'should leave him' but I can for sure, say to you, that you need to do what feels right for you, you may need to take some time-out from him, have a trial period away from each other. If your feelings are strong for him - you will feel it and "know" he is the one. Many people make sacrifices in one way or another regarding their long term partner and no one is completely perfect - there will always be something that's not quite 'perfect' as no-one can be perfect, however it's important that you do not deny yourself a life that you want for you and don't have regrets in your life, otherwise you will wonder every single day what it might have been like to be unattached and having fun and being alone for a while, while you live and become an adult into your twenties, do you know what I mean? This of course, comes with the risk that he chooses to not be with you - but it's a risk that you may have to take...

So, to answer your question a little more directly, it seems unlikely that these feelings are temporary as they are your real, genuine thoughts and feelings around your future and your life, but you will need to consider some form of taking time-out and this needs to be conveyed to him in one way or another.

I hope I've given you some more points to think about but also provided you with some clarity too. I truly do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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Kindest Regards, Karin

Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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