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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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My husband and I are married for 8 years. I am 32, he is 42.

Customer Question

My husband and I are married for 8 years. I am 32, he is 42. I love him, but don't enjoy sex with him, tried to explain him, but didn't get much response. During last 4 years we had very little sex. I cheated on him only once with cybersex and he found out. I tried to explain that this could have never happened if we would have good sex together. Recently, I found Viagra in his bag. Since we don't have intimate relations, crazy thoughts started to attack me. I confronted him, he did look nervous, but denied any relations with women. He said he has problems with erection and one doctor advised him to try Viagra, but that also doesnt help him. So his doctor told him to first fix his marriage life and may be that will help.
But he still doesn't want to have sex with me, because he can't forget my Internet affair. He wants to try little by little.
I never betrayed him physically in real life, should I be concerned about him and this accident with Viagra?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I am very sorry to hear that your husband is finding it difficult to be physical with you and shows little affection. There does seem to be an emotional block there for him and the cybersex on your part probably has contributed to his distance. He now has become used to not opening up nor conveying his real feelings and his erection problem has becomes a part of this too.

His doctor is right for suggesting sorting out the marriage, once emotions and feelings for each other return (one hopes very much that they would), can you then both begin to work on the physical/sexual side of things. If the feelings for each have disappeared then this is what needs to be tackled first. The Viagra is probably not a real threat, he may be wanting to feel the process of being able to experience an erection but you've both it seems, done things you're not happy about, so perhaps it is now the question of whether you move forward and try and salvage your marriage and therefore work on the sexual side of things gradually alongside it too - this CAN be achieved with an experienced sex therapist or maybe a couple counselor to start with, how would this feel for you both?

Here are some links that might help you to start thinking about this:

USA therapists website: http://www.psychologytoday.com/

Another website where you can search for counselors: http://www.nbcc.org/counselorfind

For sex therapy in particular, here's a link that could help: http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp

All of the above links will take you to websites that have a directory of counselors/ therapists, you need to add your zip code and it will search for one local to you.

Some things that you may want to consider are that when he hears that you "don't enjoy sex with him" this can psychologically also create a wall which then blocks him from trying harder too.. He has said that he's willing to try "little by little" so if you're willing too, to try and make a go of things, perhaps there can be some much needed light at the end if this tunnel for you both.

You have asked him directly if he's been unfaithful and he's said no. So, maybe now it's about working on the core of your issues - together with the same goal in mind. The Viagra may be around to make him feel better about himself and allows him to feel more confident about himself - it doesn't necessarily mean he's having relations with other women.

My very best to you, I truly do hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
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Kindest Regards, Karin

Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there,

Thank you for rating my service positively, it is very much appreciated.

Please do let me know if I can be of further help in the future, if you have new questions and would like to return to me, please open a new page and ask your question, please ensure you add "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my very best to help and support you.

Take care, my best wishes to you and I truly hope you both can move forward together.

Karin

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