Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue. Let me follow up on Elliott's answer and give you some more answers and advice.
You are clearly a caring and sensitive person. And this situation is not straightforward. First, let me say I can imagine how frustrating, confusing, and hurtful this situation must be for you. Why do I say frustrating?
Because you really believed, or allowed yourself to believe, that your feelings were just "friend" feelings toward Elvis. He lost interest in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and so, as a caring and loving person, you tried to play it his way. And now you see that you were really playing it his way and not YOUR way. That you really had and have romantic feelings and desires for him and that you've been repressing them all this time. Why confusing?
Because you still feel like you should play it his way, that you should be happy to be friends, overjoyed that he's with another woman. That's what HE wants.
The problem is that this is not what YOU want. I am saying this because you need to accept what you want as important. You can't live life trying to be what he or others need for themselves. You have to live your life to fulfill your needs. You are a giving person, so I'm not concerned about you becoming selfish. If he feels that your not coming to his wedding is selfish, that's because he wants for you to be a friend only. He doesn't realize that you have romantic feelings for him and you are not in a position to tell him. You need to move on in your life and he really doesn't have a place. Yes, it's very sad. But it was sad, the beginning of sad, when he decided he wasn't interested in you being his girlfriend. You tried to not let it be sad. But it would have to be sad at some point. And now you've come to that point where you can't deny any longer that it didn't work out between you. Being friends is not YOUR interest.
The first thing is you need to recognize that you are now grieving consciously. When you thought you were friends, you just were grieving under the surface. You'll be grieving this relationship. And that is real grief. Something that was very real and precious to you ended when he said he just wanted to be friends: love is real and precious.
But even as you grieve you will soon need to switch focus from exclusively grieving (looking back at what was lost) to where you wish to head toward. And that will be to look for Mr. Right. Part of your grief will be that you thought he was Mr. Right and now you see he was someone on the way toward finding Mr. Right. So let's have this in hand for when you might need it:
Now for your life. Why do I say your life? Because you are not going to find Mr. Right by just looking for "a guy". You've got to treat finding Mr. Right as part of living YOUR life. You are clearly a woman with values. You are not looking simply for sexual gratification. You are looking for a human being who wants to share his life with you and who values who you are.
That's why we're going to focus on goals, strategies, and plans. I want you to take a sheet of paper or on the computer if you prefer and on that paper write your Healthy Relationship Goals. Examples: make 3 close friends in the next 3 months; or go on dates with interesting men at least 4 times in the next 3 months, etc. So you see they don't need to even be goals for just relationships with men, but can be social relationships. Because the more social you are, the more you build your ability to express yourself socially instead of just career wise, the more you will feel comfortable expressing yourself to Mr. Right on a date. You need to feel comfortable sharing your inner self with other people on lots of different levels: acquaintances, friends, confidantes, and dates.
Next, I need you to take another sheet or underneath the goals in the same sheet write Strategies for my Healthy Relationship Goals. For each of the Goals, I want you to write strategies. For example, if your goal is to go out 4 times in 3 months, strategies might be: I want to identify the type of interests men you'd be interested in would have. Then I want to ask yourself where would they go to fulfill those interests. For example, if an interesting man needs to be someone who is into fitness, then he would be a member of a fitness club. If he needs to like art, then he would be a member of the Art Museum and go to gallery openings. If he needs to be spiritually oriented, then he might need to be attending church or a meditation class.
Then, you need to write on a separate piece of paper or underneath each Goal and Strategy: Plans for how to succeed with your strategies. So to continue the example above, you might write: my plan is to go to the 6 most popular fitness studios and check them out to see what their membership looks like and what kind of activities are there. Or for art, I plan to join the Art Museum and to go to an art opening at a gallery at least twice per month and maybe 3 times. Or if you are interested in religion, checking out 3 congregations for active ones that have social events.
These are examples of strategies and plans. I'm trying to focus you on your life interests. What do you want to do to further your having a meaningful life? Remember, Mr. Right needs to fit into what's meaningful to you, so look for him in activities that bring out what's meaningful in your life.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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