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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My friend is really busy with her family and now she has to

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My friend is really busy with her family and now she has to have surgery, they also manage a large residence and have other projects. She was helping me and I usually call her every other day. She had to call me back late in the day on one of those days when I would normally call, because she was busy and this was an hour and a half before her family was (kids and granddaughter and their family) going to be there for dinner and she had not started it yet, so I asked her when I could talk to her. She said today at about 11:00. I said I would try then, first. She was not there. Is this too busy? She has called me back before, at a different time, but we had not agreed on a time to talk in those instances. She's an important friend. If she can't take calls or is usually busy, what to do? Is this a bad sign? I need her help so it's important. Thanks. Will wait, hope it does not take long. Also, would someone let you know they could not talk, I told her I would try 11:00. And, she was giving needed help for anything and I do need it. Would someone ever offer that and then not do that? I don't think so, what do you say?

Deardebra : Thank you for your question.
Deardebra : it sounds like she might have got busy at 11:00 and that is why she did not answer.
Deardebra : in life you just never know things just come up.
Deardebra : You mentioned she helps you. I would make sure you offer to be there for her when her surgery is over. It is just a kind gesture to say too her if you need anything I am here for you.
Deardebra : it sounds like a lot is going on in her life right now and you both are good friends so I think she is just busy.
Deardebra : It sounds like her schedule might be a little off from normal so she might be making adjustments on when to call you.
Deardebra : People some times say a time they will be free and they end up that they forget or figure the can just call you back.
Deardebra : I would try calling her back. I do not feel this is a bad sign. People's lives change. Some times you can be really busy and other times people can have plenty of free time.
Deardebra : i would try calling her again.
Deardebra : Tel her you understand she is busy and you will try to reach her again that is the message you should leave if she does not answer again.

I talked to her later today. What if I have something else to say, can I call twice in one day? If


she's my friend it should not matter, right?

Deardebra : Yes, you can call her when ever you have something you want to tell her. Some times people who are friends talk more than two times a day.
Deardebra : when you call again you just tell her that you needed to tell her something else. That is fine to call again.
Deardebra : Some times people just call each others as friends to just talk about there day. You both are friends and you can call her more than once a day.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Can people with lots of things they don't want others to know be good friends with anyone? If something bad happened to your friend and they only told you part of the story (say they did something wrong) with some of the details left out and altered slightly, can they have a normal friendship with you, or anyone else? What if you find out, do you tell them?

Some times people do not know how someone will react when they tell someone something. They feel that they should not tell the whole story out if fear they might lose their friendship. People also tell people things that they know they can trust. Not everyone is open about their lives and some times people alter the truth. If someone knows the truth then you do tell them you know. I think they would feel more relieved if their friend knew the truth. People can be good friends even if there is something they didn't want them to know. People do not often talk about the past and if they do if usually is about the good times in their lives. How you confront the issue is you say you know the truth about what happened. You can always come and talk. Too me about anything. This way the person know they can go too you to talk. Some times people do not tell things out of fear of being judged by others. Some people leave their past behind to start over in a new life. So people often do not bring things up cause they are trying to forget . They don't want to be reminded if something bad happened. So they just never talk about it unless they have to explain something. But yes, you still can be friends with someone that isn't ready to share what really happened. But it does not mean they never will tell the whole story. They might share it after when they feel more comfortable.
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