How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I dated this guy for about 2 years and then we broke up.....right

Customer Question

I dated this guy for about 2 years and then we broke up.....right after breaking up we still continued what seemed to me to be a relationship but not official. During this time he fell in love with someone else unbeknownst to me. Soon I found out everything and was very upset. He said his apologies and we soon became intimate again. At the same time to girl which he fell in love with stopped talking to him. He later stated to me that he wanted to be with her and that he was going to make efforts to move forward with her. Once again I wads upset and disappointed. I loved him and I gave my all to our friendship/relationship. He never gained a response from this other girl so we became intimate once more. One day I saw the girl kissing another guy I figured this was her new boyfriend. As a good friend I told my ex that the girl he loved now has a boyfriend...I hoped that it would open his eyes. I've always had his back no matter what and I've always been there for him despite what hurt he has caused me. The very same day that I delivered the news to him he tells me that he no longer wants to be intimate with me. I was quite sad because here I am hoping that we could finally get the chance to start over fresh in a relationship but it was quite the oppsite. I'm wondering what to do now. I have made attempts to try to find someone but just didn't have very much luck with it. Should I still remain friends with him and have his back? Is it really worth my time and energy? Or should I just let hom go completely which is hard for me because I don't have many friends or a social life for that matter. He was pretty much my closest friend. Would letting him go completely make him think twice about things? Or would it distance us even more? I just don't know what to tell him or how to handle this. 5 almost 6 years is a long time to have built a relationship/friendship with someone...what should I do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help. Not only have I see this situation arise with so many couples, but I have been there myself. Being a therapist does not guarantee being with a stable person or being able to make a relationship work.

You have been betrayed and your hopes have been crushed on several occasions. You have allowed yourself to be used and thrown away a number of times. Your friendship has been one-sided and you have enabled it.

When we love someone unconditionally, the conditions can sometimes become intolerably painful, as they have in your long term relationship.

You brought him bad news about his girlfriend kissing her new man, and he "shot the messenger" - in a sense blaming you instead of her.

I believe that you need to gather all of your strength and courage and break free from this man. It is better to be alone than to be in a painful situation which is worse than loneliness. Being with someone who doesn't love you is the loneliest feeling in the world.

You need someone who will treasure you and love your faithfulness and dedication. You are truly an excellent woman and desirable friend and partner. Someone will recognize you for who you are and will be a real faithful partner to you. You can't make that happen, but is can and probably will.

Right now your relationship is dysfunctional and has no future. If you leave him you will either free your life, or make him see what a fool he has been. I believe that distancing yourself from him will bring you the best results for happiness whether it leads to a permanent end, or to a breakthrough realization of your true worth to him.

The only way that you can gain control of your life is to take control of the situation. You will feel more powerful, more in control of your life, have more self-esteem, and will gain his respect.

I wish you great success in resolving this unhappy situation in your very best long-term interest, and to that end I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

So, what exactly should tell him? I don't want an arguement to arise.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Dear friend,

It takes two to argue and one to walk away from arguments.

If you do not want to continue as a temporary backup in his life and you are done with being thrown under the bus while he pursues other women then simply tell him that you love him but you are done being thrown aside for another woman and told when you can or can't be intimate with him.

Tell him that your would rather be alone than treated like this anymore. Tell me not to contact you any more if that is what you want. If you continue on the present course, you will always be someone on the side and never the main attraction.

Speak you mind in few words and be prepared to carry out what you say. Yes it is sad, but you can have a better life.

You deserve it , but you must be strong, and must act decisively.

Warm regards,


JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions