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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I discovered that my live in GF of 4 years has engaged in emotional

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I discovered that my live in GF of 4 years has engaged in emotional infidelity with an ex boyfriend from high school, mainly via texting. I confronted her about this betrayal. I also told her i forgave her and was willing to work on the issues that drove her to this point. Her 10 year reunion is in 2 weeks and he will be there.
What should I do?
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I believe that I can help.

At this point it seems that the luster has gone off of your relationship and your girlfriend appears to be reaching out to someone from the. This person is someone with whom she already had an ending in the past, and she is perhaps trying to get some comfort because of recent failures in you relationship.

You are addressing them now: reaching out to her parents; being more sociable with her friends; redoubling your efforts to find a good job.

You must exercise great restraint in "confronting her" about her emotional infidelity, which is not the same as having a physical affair. The reason for the restraint is to keep from driving her into his arms. If she thinks you already feel she is cheating on you then she will feel much less restraint in actually carrying it out.

The best thing to do is to continue being kind and productive and trying to do more to land a good job - and not mentioning this upcoming reunion. She wants to go and there will be a host of others besides this guy.

If you push her about this then she will push back and may be more likely to restart her relationship then if you say nothing and be supportive.

You are understandably afraid of losing her. Be wonderful and productive in these next two weeks and show your best side, the one she fell in love with.

I wish you courage, perseverance, and wisdom. I shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I have asked her father for permission to propose to her. She will be visiting her grandma during the week she is up there. I have planned on driving up there and surprising her by proposing. Is this a bad idea? Or incredibly romantic? Both?


This is an incredibly romantic idea but it may backfire on you. The timing will be bad and may be seen as a ploy to interfere with her weekend reunion because you are insecure about what might happen. She maysee you as meddlng and will definitely feel conflicted abouit her weekend.


Get your house in order with her; address the issues; find some work even if it is below the pay level of your last job. Then talk to her about marriage from a position of strength. You will then have a much better chance at succeeding.

I wish strength, perseverance, and good sense of timing and shall keep you in my prayers for your success.

Warm regards,

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