Deardebra : Thank you for your question.
Deardebra : it seems like he did not want to tell his ex that you would be coming. I think it would have been awkward so he decided not to invite you which was wrong.
Deardebra : he should have told you the real reason why instead of ignoring the issue.
Deardebra : you say home wondering why you didn't get invited and then you find out that he is with his ex.
Deardebra : that is very difficult. When you texted him I feel he does not know what to even say because he knows he was wrong and does not know how to fix it.
Deardebra : he knows he is wrong.
Deardebra : How is he ever going to make that right with you.
Deardebra : i want to talk about Facebook and pictures. Some times people do not post pictures because they want to keep the person to themselves. They are afraid someone will try to take them away. It could be cause they get jealous or they are afraid someone will interfere in the relationship, some people are very private as well.
Deardebra : It is almost like he wants to keep you to himself.
Deardebra : It sounds like the way he deals with things is by running away. He does not deal with the issues. He either breaks up or doesn't answer. So that means he doesn't like confrontation and does not like conflict.
Deardebra : He would rather walk away then resolve this issues. He needs to change that and communicate better.
Deardebra : this probl will not go away unless he answers you.
Deardebra : all he had to say was my ex is coming with me, but instead he just went never told you. He should have said I can not take you because I have to go with my ex. Now he has to explain why he did all this.
Deardebra : I want you to try texting him again. Tell him that this can be resolved but he needs to talk about it.
Deardebra : Everything you said too him was true so he has no idea how to respond because he knows he did the wrong thing. So he's thinking where do we go from here. I'm sure he thinks you will never forgive him. So he doesn't know what to do.
Deardebra : You need to tell him that thugs will never get resolved unless you both talk about it.
Deardebra : *You need to tell him things will never get resolved unless you both talk about it.
Deardebra : You need to say too him that you understand he has obligations that he has to do but tell him he needs to be honest about them he needs to tell you.
Deardebra : Trust and communication is what connects a relationship. It is olimportant to have both.
Thank you for your quick reply. One follow up question though. I think he may also be angry with me because of the comment that I made about them pretending to be a family unit for his adult child. He does still treat her like a child. She is his only child. He says the divorce was not her fault so she shouldn't have to suffer. That is why he had been spending Christmas morning at the ex's. He does not want me around at the occasions because it might make the daughter feel uncomfortable. I believe he wants to do whatever his daughter wants him to on these special occasions even if that is celebrating just him, the ex, and their daughter. I feel he thinks if he invites me that means he is putting me before his daughter, and he will never do that. I think she is old enough for this to stop. She is 22. They divorced 4 years ago. I think he wants to keep things the way they are for his daughter's sake. Am I wrong to ask him to change and include me even if that makes the daughter unhappy?
You are not wrong you should be included. He can not hide the fact that he is in love and has moved on with you. His daughter has to get use to the thought that you are now a part of his life.
He should not be pretending that everything is fine, his daughter is an adult and I am sure she knows what is going on.
You should be included so that his daughter can get to know you, he can not make believe everything is picture perfect when he is divorced the daughter knows things did not work out with her parents. It's good they all get along. But the reality is he moved on and you can not hide that fact from the daughter. What is missing is his daughter seeing that he is happy with you and that he has a great life with you. She is missing out on part of his life with you.
You can not be just left out of that part of his life it is not fair too you.
I understand he might be upset over what you said about pretending to be a family. But you are right they are pretending and you know what the daughter does not have much of a say what if she wants to get to know you.
She is adult and should be able to make these choices it was 4 years ago you can't keep sugar coating this divorce. The daughter and you are being left out because you both are not able to get to know each other.
You have been with him for 14 months that is a long time and he needs to understand that he has a life he should be sharing with his daughter. You all could go out as a family together. It should not be just him, his ex and his daughter.
You and him are a family now and you need to share in this past of his life.