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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for two

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I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for two years. Several nights ago, we had an especially large fight where he told me I have my "head up my ass" and went on to say I have "daddy issues", just because I didn't agree with him on the content
of a music video. I have been seeing a therapist who is encouraging me to move on, and I left that night with a small backpack with the intent of going to a women's shelter. The operator said that I should try and stay elsewhere because they were almost to
capacity and places like these "weren't so nice to be at". I wound up staying at a hotel (where I still am, three days later), because a friend who lives several states away had extra points to spare. My problem is that I am a student in college, and I do
not have a job beyond an unpaid internship. My significant other pays for everything, making it extremely difficult to qualify for apartments, even with my mother as a co-signer. I do not have any ties to the community I'm living in, as I've only been here
two months, and my parents are incapable of supporting me financially. There is no one I can go live with, either. I have visited apartment communities today that are either too expensive, at capacity, or unsafe feeling. I feel as though my only option is
to return to an emotionally abusive household, at least until I am able to secure a better paying job. Is it wrong that I'm thinking of going back to this, even after years of yelling, name-calling, and disrespect? I feel as though I might be rationalizing
doing that because I'm lonely and hungry and afraid of being homeless. I have a plan if I do go back, but I'm afraid that I'll have a good day with him or that feeling comfortable will draw me back into this cycle I so desperately want to break out of.
Thank you for your question. It is not easy to walk away from any relationship and it seems to be even harder when there is an abusive relationship. The reason why is the person attacks your self-esteem making you think that you can not do anything on your own. Everything they do is about controlling every situation. Even if it is as simple as a music video. They just want you to accept their opinion and that is it, the reason why is they do not want you to have your own opinion they want to control that as well. You are in a very difficult time in your life and you are trying to make it but it is hard. Right now you are looking at being able to afford living on your own. I want you to do this, some times people post adds special college students that need a roommate because they want to live off campus. It will be something that you can just walk into and you just would pay a piece of the rent. I feel you need to fully try not to go back because he will not get better. He is not going to change unless he gets help. You do not deserve to be treated this way and I want you to move on. If you go back and try to leave again, you might get stuck and not leave. I also want you to think about what is going to happen if you do go back. Is he going to welcome you back and be nice because he didn't want you to leave or is he going to be even more angry. You need to stay strong and out an end to this abuse. He needs to know that you are no longer going to be called names or disrespected in anyway and that you have a right to your opinion. I want you first to keep your options open and see if you can do something not to go back. You are in college you are building a life for yourself, you do not need someone putting you down.
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