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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
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I recently started dating a girl. I knew her in the past as

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I recently started dating a girl. I knew her in the past as an acquaintance and i know she liked me then but i was in a relationship. It's been years since we've seen eachother and I have been single for about 2yrs. Recently our paths crossed and we have started dating, however it is difficult because our work schedules clash horribly. We don't get much time to talk or see eachother but can text while at work when time allows. She says she's really into me but if feels like she was making more effort to at the very beginning than she is now to see me. It's been a short time, only about 3 weeks, since we started dating. What is bothering me is that when there are times when we could spend at least a small amount time together she doesn't seem to want to try to, but when we talk though texting it still seems like she likes me. She told me she was in a few bad relationships in the past and that she wants to make changes in her life. She used to spend a lot of time in the bars and partying. She says she really wants to make it work with me because she feels being with me will help her do that. I know I'm a different sort of guy than she's used to and i did talk to her about what she's feeling because i got a vibe like she wasn't sure about us, but she said she really wants this but is nervous. that was about a week and a half ago. But i'm still feeling like things are "iffy". Am i just jumping to conclusions? or need to back off a little and be more patient? I just can't help feeling like she saying one thing but feeling another or that she is unsure in what she wants but is afraid to tell me that. An added note, I did get a chance to hang out with her for a couple hours before she had to go to work a couple days ago. she said we'd have time to talk and hang out but when i was there she spent more time talking with her sister and mom and we maybe got about 15 min to be alnoe and talk, i was very frustrated about that.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

I am glad about your openness here. I do think that because the relationship is new and you don't get a lot of time together that you try to be a bit more patient and let things happen naturally. She has been open with you about feeling nervous so what you sense may be accurate...she may feel close and then pull away a bit based on these feelings of nervousness.

It does sound like she is into you, but taking the time to build that feeling of trust and comfort. It comes down to whether you can allow some time for this to happen without pushing things too much. My gut tells me that if you do push beyond what she can handle now, that things could dissolve quickly. You sounds very caring and let that come through with being open to listening to her, caring for her and giving her the time to feel safe and secure. I understand you wanted more when you saw her and felt like she was with her Mom and Sister more, but it also shows she feels comfortable enough to be herself and be with you and them at the same time.

So, sit tight and let things unfold naturally. I think that is your best bet here.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1809
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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Coach Jen K.
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