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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5454
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello. I went with my boyfriend and his older brother to see

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Hello. I went with my boyfriend and his older brother to see their folks out in Pennsylvania a few days ago. While we were on this trip and when we had time to ourselves in Pennsylvania, my boyfriend would say things like, "You're beautful." "You're gorgeous." "You have a cute face." "You're good enough for me."

On the way back, he was talking with me about potentially marrying me in the future. He asked me if I felt that my dating experience should end with him. To indicate that he wanted his dating experience to end with me, he shouted, "Yes", very loudly.

He is one of the nicest guys that I've ever met, and yet, I have a hard time trusting him. I also don't believe him when he says such nice things to me. He treats me like a princess, too. He doesn't do anything bad towards me. While we were on this trip, he bought me jewelry. Even after all these things, I have a hard time trusting and believing him when he says and does these nice things for me. What is wrong with me?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

The source of your mistrust is coming from one of three possible places.

-You have a past history of being hurt in relationships and have a difficult time trusting others

-You have a low self esteem and have trouble feeling that anyone could love you as much as your boyfriend does

-Your boyfriend does not seem sincere in what he says to you or he has done things to make you mistrust him.

If you have been able to trust others in the past, especially in relationships, then you may want to look at either your own self esteem or your boyfriend. One way to tell which might be the issue is if your self esteem is good. Can you usually accept when others tell you nice things about yourself? Do you feel relatively confident in yourself? If so, then the issue may be your boyfriend.

Trust issues in relationships are common. If you feel that this is an issue, then it may help you to work on trust with your boyfriend. You can do this through therapy and/or self help. Here are some resources to help you get started:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200203/how-can-you-learn-trust-again

http://www.ehow.com/how_2299231_learn-trust-again.html

The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships by Cynthia Lynn Wall LCSW and Sue Patton Thoele

Building Trust: How To Get It! How To Keep It! by Hyler Bracey Ph.D


I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

This current boyfriend hasn't done anything wrong to me. But, a past boyfriend has. I think that it might be a combination of the first two ideas that you mentioned. Thank you.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You are very welcome! If you have been hurt in the past, then it would be good to look at your own trust and self esteem issues and see if you can address them. That will help a lot with how you feel about your current boyfriend.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5454
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
How can I overcome these trust issues? What do you suggest?
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You can work on them through therapy and also try the links I provided for you. They are a good start to help you find out how to address your particular issues. You can also communicate your issues to your boyfriend and see if he can help you work on them. With his support, you may feel better a lot faster.

Kate










May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5454
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

This might sound a little odd, but my parents do not allow me to see a therapist and get help. I have communicated my feelings to my boyfriend. He tells me that I'm good enough for him over and over again, and he tells me that I do enough for him. But, it doesn't help. Is there anything else that I can do?

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
If you cannot go to therapy, the next best thing is self help and online support. You can use the links I provided to get started. From there, you will find other resources to choose from. There are many on the internet. You can also use on line therapy, which is becoming more popular and can be just as helpful as face to face. Just search "on line therapy" and you will find sites from there.

Kate






If you feel your original question and related follow ups have been answered, I'd appreciate a positive rating on the answer I have provided. Thank you!
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5454
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your help.

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome! Take care.

Kate

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