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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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hi Kate I hope I can ask a quick question. I was talking to

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hi Kate I hope I can ask a quick question. I was talking to my friend Sandy and she cries obsessevely over the years over a lost on and off relationship. she has been married for 20 years like myself but through the years seems to not been able to let go and is obsessed tk tears sometimes. Even the music reminds her of him. now she's talking about trying to find him. isn't this a bad idea, and it usually depression that brings on these things from the past?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello Dee!

It sounds like she is either depressed or has been stuck in her grieving for a long time. Sometimes people can develop complicated grief which is when someone cannot work through grief on their own and need the assistance of a therapist and/or medications.

Anther possibility could be that she has turned this past person into something he is not over the years. People tend to idolize the past by only seeing the good and not the bad. If your friend is already depressed and upset about her life now, she could be looking back as a way to cope with her current situation. And she might have turned this person she misses into the answer for all her troubles. That means if she does look for him, sees him again and finds out that he is not what she thinks he is, she could be setting herself up for feeling worse.

And if she is considering finding someone from her past that was a romantic partner and she is currently married, that may end up adding to her depression/grief. Having a relationship outside of marriage is only going to bring more problems for her.

You can suggest she consider seeing a counselor first to sort her feelings out before she seeks this person out. But if she will not take your suggestion, you may not have a choice but to just be there for her if things do not work out in her favor.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Such a fast and smart answer. Thanks for insight, it will help me help her.
Thanks Kate !
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome, Dee! Thank you so much for your kind words.

Your friend is blessed to have you :)

Take care,

Kate

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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy
1568 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues