How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1838
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Ive had a relationship 20 years ago with a guy who I dont

Resolved Question:

I've had a relationship 20 years ago with a guy who I don't know why I just started thinking about how I haven't thought about for a very long time. however now I am starting to realize that I can't get this out of my mind and its getting me anxiety and distress. can you help me with overcoming this with some tips?and why now?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra :

Thank you for your question. Some times in life we go back to things that are in our past. There could be something that happens in life that triggers you to begin to think of the past.

Deardebra :

Some times people think about what might have been or often think back to how much their lives have changed.

Deardebra :

What you need to do is figure out what triggered you to think about a relationship you had 20 years ago.

Deardebra :

Some times certain things remind people it could be something as simple as a place or even a food that you both ate tougher. Things tend to jog people's memories.

Deardebra :

An example of this is you might drive by a restaurant that you once ate at and you think back to the time that you went there, this is why places and things remind people of things they experienced in their life.

Deardebra :

After 20 years and now you are thinking about this and getting anxiety there must be something that never got solved that you needed to resolve. I want you to think about what you are thinking about when this person came to your mind and why you feel you are thinking of this person.

Deardebra :

What I want you to do is write down on a piece of paper your emotions towards this issue. Really think about how you once felt 20 years ago in this relationship. I feel the reason why you can not get this person out of your mind is something is lingering in your mind.

Deardebra :

You need to write down how you feel so that you can get your emotions out on this subject. I feel if you write it all down you can put all this behind you and stop thinking about this person.

Deardebra :

Understanding your emotions is key in discovering why you are thinking of this person.

Deardebra :

You want to write down when you started thinking of this person, then you want to think about why you are thinking of tho person.

Deardebra :

You then want think about why the relationship ended 20 years ago.

Deardebra :

The reason for writing things down is because you have to get all your emotions out.

Deardebra :

It is just like if you talk to someone about how you feel, you tend to feel better because once they are spoken out loud or written things become clear.

Deardebra :

I feel that the solution will be clear when you talk about it if write it down.

Deardebra :

You need to process your thoughts in order to move forward.

Deardebra :

Thank you again for your question.

Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1838
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Just an FYI, answer is blank.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
D
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
if youve replied, its blank, I cant see any written text.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Still blank, nothing
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It continually tells me waiting for customer action but it is blank
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
1810 Satisfied Customers
I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.