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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1825
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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For Deardebra.... As you can see I feel that I need to know

Resolved Question:

For Deardebra....
As you can see I feel that I need to know where I stand with him. I know that he is the love I have always yearned for. I know that I am ready to do anything for this relationship and help understand that I truly love him. At the moment he seems to have opened up again since I sent him my son's letter. I know he is scared that I might hurt him and that he is not god enough for me.Do you think that if I will ask him to meet up for dinner on Monday he will accept? I wanted to write a card and posting it in his letter box telling hm how special he is and that he made me understand true love, that it is patience, understanding each other, suffering if he is not well, emotions that I had never felt before,but that I was telling him this not to make him come to me but cause I believe that when two hearts meet nothing can seperate them even when there are problems. Please help me what I really should write...Thank you
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know, otherwise, no need to reply. Thank you for your patience.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your question. What you wrote sounds good I like the idea of writing him a card. You want to put your true emotions down so he truly knows how you feel. I think he has opened up because you have shared such a huge things in your life and that was the letter from your son. He seems like a person that if you open up and share past of your life he gets more comfortable to open up too you as well. If you write a card and express your feelings he will know that he has influenced your life in so many ways and that you love him. It will show him that he can open up his heart and let you in. I would ask him out on Monday but you want to ask him now to give him a notice so he can plan that time with you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

For Deardebra......Is this okay?


 


For someone Special.....You are the one who made me understand True Love....it is patience, understanding each other,suffering for each other....Emotions I have never felt before....I am wrting this to you not to conquest you but because I believe that when two hearts meet nothing can seperate them....Will you invite me on Monday for dinner before I leave?


Is this good? Please Debra help me and amend it for me please...Thank you!!!


I'm scared he'll say that he has something else to do....Tomorrow he's going to the beach at his friends and I'm going too as his friend who is even my friend iinvited me to their summer residence....I informed him if this would annoy him and he said no and that after all it's not the first time we were with friends and pretended we were only friends. He said after all we have always been good friends with the difference it changed in something different....

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
That sounds perfect. It is direct and to the point. This is good that you are going to the beach tomorrow it will both give you that time to spend together. I also think that you both need to see each other before you leave and he should meet you on Monday. I am sure you both will have an excellent time at the beach. That should be a fun day and you will get to see him which is very nice. This gives you both a chance to bond with one another.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1825
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

For Deardebra only....


 


It was fun at the beach, he acted just like a friend.What hurt me is that he had told me would come back on Saturday evening and then would go back again on Sunday evening cause they had another dinner,(he slept there even on Friday night as well cause they had organised dinner with neighbours at the beach) instead he slept there tonight .I found out then that it was his good friend's b'day. I was invited by my friend and her sister who is his good friend, to sleep over tonight as well but I refused as I had been invited to dinner by his cousin who was celebrating her b'day.So that means he purposely remained for her b'day.I ticked him off for not telling me about her b'day but he said that knowing how I am I would have bought her a present. Anyway it was hard when we were jokingly putting a facial on our faces and she called him and spread the cream on his face.(she's a widow).I felt so bad, I realised for the first time that I was jealous.I started getting negative thoughts.I am so confused. She has two sons 14 and 12 years old who he gets on well with. Maybe I should really quit. I had posted the letter I had told you about thinking he would be back tonight...but maybe I shouldn't have at all. Will he ask me out for dinner. If he doesn't it's just over from my part. In a relationship both have to try...Had I not gone to the beach I wouldn't have seen him for the whole weekend and it just doesn't make sense. He accepts every outing with friends but not with me...Will it always be like this? I think he doesn't love me as he said or not ready for a relationship..What should I tell him about my doubts.Is it normal to sleep at her house even though he was her late husband's friend?Please help me...Why does he find it so difficult to say I'm his girlfriend?

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
I am so glad that you had a great time at the beach. I do not want you to look at the widow and be jealous. He is interested in you. The reason why he goes out with friends is because he does not have that added pressure of a relationship. H can just relax not worry about what to say and just be himself. When he is with you he has to think about a relationship. I do not feel it will always be like this and I feel the reason why he does not want anyone to know about you and him is because he does not want anyone to mess the relationship up. People get worried that they will lose the person because often times when people are off the market people become quickly involved. They might make judgments or try to change the person's mind. Some times friends can get jealous and not want their friends together because they feel it might interfere. Some times friends like their friends to be single if they are as well. I think he was sleeping over because they are just friends and he is comfortable in being with his friends. I think you should go out more with his and your friends so you can connect this relationship. If he doesn't ask you out on Monday I would tell him you do not understand why he can not make time for you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Am trying not to think but it's so difficult.....hope he will see the card in the letter box.....I am trying to be positive........am excited to know his reaction after seeing the card and if it will make him emotional.....I hope that my feelings won't scare him off...Will he call and ask me out? What should I do if he calls but won't mention the post script I wrote asking him to invite me for dinner.....am scared he'll say that it is forced, at that point I will just break up even if it will hurt me so much.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
I want you to think positive. Give him time to read the card and think it over. If he calls and doesn't mention it ask him if he got it. This way you know he read it. You want to be sure he did see it. Now you want to just sit back and wait for the invite. I do not feel he will think it is forced I think he will be happy that you expressed your emotions. At some point something is going to trigger him to understand he has a great person in his life he needs to hold onto. He is just guarded and needs to knock the walls down to let you in.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1825
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.



Let's hope ...will let you know keep fingers crossed for me. My son should be back in 34 days time and the thought makes me emotional and the thought makes me cry.....the thought of embracing him again....




Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
That is going to be so nice when your son comes back home. That will be such a great moment for you. It would make you very emotional because you are so proud of him and just to see him face to face will cause many emotions. It will be a moment you will never forget for the rest of your life. He will be very emotional as well. I am sure he can not wait to get back home to see you. He will have so much to talk about and it will give you time to get caught up on all the things he has experienced. What an exciting time this is for you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

For Deardebra....


 


Thank you...I was looking forward to seeing the guy I love for dinner.We did meet up but we only went for a ride and a quick ice-cream as he had to go back to his parents who were alone...not so romantic..He had volunteered to accompany me and my children to the port tomorrow but I explained we had a lift and besides I explained that I'm not the type who asks for help. I have always managed on my own. He said that he would come and say bye before I left.It even hurt me when we were talking and mentioned his ex as his wife.Tomorrow I'm going to tell him that maybe we should cut off, cause he doesn't love enough. It's strange how this is the second time he mentions his ex as his wife and not by her name as he used to before.Am confused....I had imagined a lovely evening together....he said he was tired and apologised.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
That was good that you both went for ice cream. He also offered to go to the airport. He does kind gestures and he took the time to meet you. The reason why he says his wife is it is just something he is use to saying. That is normal to say wife. That relationship is over and he has moved on with you. He loves and cares for you but I just feel he is protecting himself from being hurt.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

For Deardebra...


 


I don't know, I never mention my ex as my husband...it annoys me. I have only indifference towards him.Do you consider it a relationship witha guy I hear of but hardly ever see him.Will this change? Should I change attitude? I am now in Malta and he wished me happy holidays and sent me another text asking if I had arrived?In another text he said I was a rock and I answered that I wasn't and that I only tried to be strong and not show others my feelings .....maybe I should just try not to text him or call him, maybe this will make him understand what I mean to him.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
I think him calling his ex his wife is a habit that he hasn't broken yet. It is not that he looks at her as his wife anymore he is talking in the past tense. That was very thoughtful to ask you if you arrived in, he is thinking about you. So he looks at you as a strong person and I feel he looks at himself as weak. It is good that you answered that you not show others your feelings because you want him to know you have times where you are not as strong as he thinks. He has a totally different imagine of you. He needs to see more of the real you. I think you should have him chase you. I feel like if he does not hear from you he will be worried and text you more. He will see what his life is like without you and feel lost at times cause you are always there for him.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1825
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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