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Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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after two months my ex showed up at my house and wanted to

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after two months my ex showed up at my house and wanted to talk to me. told me she just wanted to tell me how mad she was.I was very upset too. told her how much she meant to me and then through a series of of things (she kissed me) she got mad and told me it wouldn't work.tried to talk to her after but got shut down.doesn't trust me with her heart (wanted to get married).I have no idea what is going on in this womans head. she even told me that if I had showed up at her house it would have mattered after telling me to move on with my life.
Hello. Your ex wants closure. She feels as though there were several issues in your relationship that you should have made an effort to address, but didn't. If she said if you had showed up at her house, it sounds as though she expected you to fight for the relationship in some way and you didn't. This to her means that you didn't care. I think she is frustrated with you and how you handled the relationship. SHe may not have given you details because women expect men to know the things that are going wrong in any relationship and to do something about it. The problem is, most men don't work that way and unless they are told specifically that there is a problem, will continue on as if nothing is wrong. I feel that she wanted you do act on some things that you didn't and that is what ultimately ended the relationship. Whatever your reaction or conversation was when she came to your house did not satisfy her that anything would change, so she left feeling the same way. Her biggest issue is frustration at the lack of progress in the relationship. She came to your house because this has weighed on her mind and probably still does to an extent. She wanted to let you know in a subtle way that this was how she felt. She wanted to get her feelings off her chest so you knew her side of it. I would continue to give her space, but the fact is, if you both don't revisit and confront the specifics which caused the initial break up, this will end with both of you mad at the other for not making the points more clear.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I liked ur answer but I believe this woman is still in love with me.I understand giving her space but what should I do.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I understand giving her space but is there anything left whereby I should pursue this.I love this woman and know she is still in love with me.Do I just give up

YOu should not give up. I don't know how long it's been since she went to your house, but you should give her about a week or so and then contact her. Ask her if she wants to get together to talk. Maybe this time on better terms. Ask her straight out why she feels the relationship ended and what you can do to help the situation. Try not to make it a blame game or tell her the things you feel she did, do the opposite. You are trying to get her to open up and explain her reasons for being upset and see if you can change those things. Even if you feel those things are unjustified, you are trying to get her to open up first and then address specifics in the relationship.
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