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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5798
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF ITS WORTH CONTINUING THE SORT OF RELATIONSHIP

Customer Question

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH CONTINUING THE SORT OF RELATIONSHIP I HAVE WITH THE GUY I LOVE?I MEAN THE FEELINGS ARE THERE,WE STARTED TO DATE 2 YEARS AGO...WHEN WE REALLY CONNECT HE WITHDRAWS. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF HE'LL EVER BE READY FOR COMMITMENT...I MEAN SIMPLE THINGS AS MEETING UP MORE OFTEN, AT LEAST OVER THE WEEKENDS,BUT HE'S NEARLY ALWAYS BUSY....I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY,MAYBE I SHOULD JUST LET HIM GO EVEN IF IT WILL BREAK MY HEART
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

Are you looking for a psychic or a therapist?

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I HAVE WRITTEN THREE TIMES SINCE FOR THESE LAST 2DAYS BUT NEVER GET A REPLY.. what happened to just answer???I need help ...

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
I can answer your question if you need a therapist, but if you need a psychic, I can let the moderator know to find you one.

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you!!!Don't know what I really need anymore. Maybe you can help me thank you

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Ok, thanks for letting me know.

If the person you are with is withdrawing every time you try to get closer, it could mean that he is fearful of commitment. People who shy away from commitment usually have been hurt somehow in the past. They either learned to be fearful of relationships during childhood through watching their parents separate or abuse each other, or they were hurt themselves by someone abandoning them, for example.

Not being able to commit usually indicates a lack of trust that they will not get hurt again. So if you feel you want to try to work through this issue, you may want to start there with your boyfriend. Ask him if he has been hurt before and/or if he has issues with trust. If he is willing to talk about it with you, that may help him work through whatever is bothering him. He can also consider therapy if he feels it is a deeper issue and he wants the support of a professional.

However, if he refuses to talk with you and continues to withdrawal from you each time you try to get closer, he leaves you little choice but to respond to what he is doing. You can either decide to live with how he is or you can let him know that it is not working for you and that you need to leave the relationship. It is a painful step to take so you need to give yourself time to mourn the loss of your relationship. But once you do work through it, you may feel better about your choice.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
Hi,

I think you responded to my answer on a another question that you posted earlier. I cannot respond to that question because it is exclusively requested to the therapist that already responded. If you want to post your answer here, then I can respond.

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

But how can I help him? I know he suffers for this. If there is a sort of misunderstanding he immediately starts stammering and I try to show him with my love that all's ok and that it's only a misunderstanding.And that all's ok

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
You can help him just by introducing the idea that this might be about his past and encouraging him to talk with you about it. That alone might draw him closer to you. But that depends on whether or not he is willing to talk this through, either with you or a therapist. If he shows no interest in working this out, then it may not be worth staying in the relationship.

Kate
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 3 years ago.
I hope my answer was helpful to you. If you have any more questions, please let me know.

Kate










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