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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Why do i Feel stuck, have seems to have every thing i need

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Why do i Feel stuck, have seems to have every thing i need to progress in life but every time i try to make plans to do somethings or excite a business plan its some how cancels out. Them am right back were i started. i loose friends because its like every think i say do not come to pass.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.



First, let me say I can imagine how confusing and distressing this situation must be for you. Things don't seem to be working out for you like you would want them to; there is a very real sense, though, from what you write of your acting in self defeating ways that contribute to the disappointments. This is most often the case when someone has a low sense of self worth. But on the other hand you have not only made a life for yourself, you have made a full life, with struggles, successes, setbacks, picking yourself up, moving forward, etc. That is a tremendous measure of the worthiness within you.


And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. Clearly, you are a worthwhile person. But perhaps not enough in your own eyes. Your video of life in your mind is perhaps dominated by feelings that are negative, failure, hopeless, etc. Is this reality? No, you've coped with problems and have achieved successes. That's the definition of a worthwhile life. Now it sounds as though it's time to move forward. The problem may be in your view of yourself. The solution, then, would be in your view of yourself. And when it comes to ATTITUDE, the self help world is fantastic at it!



I want you to commit yourself to apply the principles in the following videos and books to your worries and fears. So that you can be yourself with more confidence. Coach yourself. Be your own life coach! I want you to get really into motivational videos and books. In other words, accept your past fears, accept your past worries and hurts and traumas. Accept them and focus on becoming who you WANT to be now. Here's a simple YouTube search I put together on "motivational speakers":


http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=motivational+speakers&aq=f



Some like Tony Robbins are the classic big guys. Some are newer. They're mostly Americans, but so what? Watch them all. Get inspired. Buy a book or two. Here are some possibilities, but they are only suggestions as there are so many good ones.

The first book is the father of all these type of books. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. There are classes in these books now! It was written in the 1930s and still has something to say to us today that is very worthwhile.

I think very highly of the second book on my list, which is a real classic: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. It is the book that has helped more people than probably any other.


The third book is by Anthony Robbins. He's one of those speakers who fills up huge auditoriums. For a reason. He's a terrific speaker and writer. The particular book (if you like it, try his others): Awaken the Giant Within. I really like this book.



So the only thing separating you from your sense of positive value in yourself might very well be your running mind video about your failure and shortcomings. Throw those out and replace them with motivation and commitment to your future.

If you feel that low self-worth is a long term problem that is keeping you from success and you need more help than self-help tools, counseling is a good choice. The opportunity here is to gain a greater insight yourself toward yourself, who you are inside, and how you might want to project it toward others. Let me give you two directories to look at that are good. You should focus on finding a psychologist or psychotherapist in your area who practices in a psychodynamic orientation along with CBT for practical skills.

Here is an online therapist finder for Australia that I like because you can see a picture of the person and read about them a bit. So put in for the therapist either psychologist or a psychotherapist and psychodynamic for the technique.

http://www.findatherapist.com.au/



The Australian Psychological Society has a search. Scroll down and put in self-esteem in the search window.

http://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/Default.aspx


Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
Dr. Mark and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hello.. Thank you very much for your suggestions. But over the past 3 years i have collected over 75 motivational books and tapes like the once you listed. And most on the once you listed have already seen. I guess thats the most frustrating part for me. its seems to me that i should know what to do or were to turn. When i actual fact i do know what to do or were to turn or how to raise my self esteem. But the progress i make dose not reflect the stage that am suppose to be. i have got a good sense of my self worth and comparing it with were am at in life tells me that am not were am suppose to be.


 


I work as a Real Estate Agent and am motivated all the time. But sometimes my sales droop not because am unable to close a sales but it could just be that my appointment are cancel before i get the chance to present. And thats an example of some of the things that happen that i don't understand. Am good with cold calling.... and i'll get up and make lots of calls and book a few appointment. Thats no problem for me, i can do that any time of the day. But some time, appointment booked will just start drooping off for various reason and i'll find myself back to were i was.


Usually i'll sulk for a moment and buy another book or tape and am back again.


 


So thats were my frustration lies. For my head is full of brilliant ideas but something should happen to discredit it when i try to bring it out.

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
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Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships