Maybe yiu could address me to DearDebra....I need a tarot
Your divorced&scaredGuy doesn't sound like he's capable of opening up to a relationship unless he gets enough therapy to recover from his marriage of 13 years ago, though he might have had enough deeper personality structure problems to make his chances too low for recovery even with therapy. Trying to make difficult relationships work well enough without therapy is like trying to make a long road trip on the road of life with a blown head gasket: no matter how often you add oil, it's only a matter of time before the engine won't run anymore. Trying to get a psychic or Tarot reader to tell you whether your relationship's going to revive a little in the next weeks doesn't enlist either of you to exercise free will to work on your relationship.
However, I can do relationship composite astrology or I can consult the I-Ching Ching oracular readings for your relationship. The latter book you can consult yourself. But it will only tell you how things stand right now (probably "Standstill" or "Retreat") and in what direction they might be about to change. Astrology might predict something short-term through transits. But a composite chart might show in what ways you are compatible and not compatible, and those results could give you a good picture of whether it's worth your while to keep trying or not.
Without consulting astrology, I'd say it's not worth keeping the relationship unless you can get him to go into couples counseling with you, and if his problems have anything to do with his exwife, to work on himself to graduate from whatever mental health or relationship trap he's stuck in.
I am willing to consult astrology. But to get any reasonable accuracy, I need to know birthplaces, nearest town, and birth times, to the nearest half hour. If you can't give me times, I'll have to do solar charts, by pretending you were both born at dawn, at your own place in the USA. Cities and some hour or half hour would be a whole lot better.
But how can I help him? I know he suffers for this. If there is a sort of misunderstanding he immediately starts stammering and I try to show him with my love that all's ok and that it's only a misunderstanding.And that all's ok
Since he always has the option of closing down and withdrawing from you when he gets anxious, you can't make things better for him unless he will work on himself in therapy. Does he take antianxiety medicine? Does he have a mental health diagnosis? Has he ever been in therapy? What is his attitude towards therapy?
My new astrology program isn't working yet.
I don't know if he takes any anxiety medicine, I know he does for his high blood pressure and reflusgastro....he's a very good man who helps everyone who suffers and has probs.,,how can I help him I love him so much.. I never asked if he ever went for counselling..Should I? he had suggested it to me as I seperated 2 years ago
If he suggested it to you than you could ask him to go with you so he can help the counselor to help you cope with him and his withdrawing.
PS If you've only been separated for 2 years from what was probably a long marriage you might not be ready for a full commitment yet, especially since you right in with him right away, so he's been a healing man for you. But he's had plenty of time if he's been off-marriage for 13 years already, and he's not opening up and staying open. So what you're noticing is that he's been great for helping you heal from the key wounds you've carried from your own marriage, but taken as a WHOLE human being, his flaws are unbearable. Does HE know that you want to go further with him but he can't seem to handle it? [By the way, it's typical for young adult CHILDREN of DIVORCE to start relationships fast, dive in deeply, but then start backing out and devising ways to protect themselves as soon as what they have starts to look like a long-term relationship==because that means to them that a divorce is inevitable. And they prefer to dump their unsuspecting partners first rather than wait while minor problems might get more major, because ultimately they feel helpless to make relationships really last, but they're pretty good at self-reliance and at finding somebody new (if they've had enough practice). So the Child of divorce is the pursuer at first, but then once the partner is into him, he's the distancer.
Your guy has been dumped once or twice already, so he's behaving like a divorce child in some ways. At least he knows that he's scared--I wrote my 2nd doctoral dissertation on my research into divorce children's romances, and I told my ChDiv students to realize that they're scared of breakups, so they make them happen proactively. So coping strategy #1 should be to admit they're scared and then talk over their situation with somebody who's not divorced or a child of divorce.
A little counseling can help ANYBODY in a rocky love relationship, if the counselor is VERY GOOD. I recommend Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy practitioners (see online center in Ottawa, Canada with member lists all over), because how you perceive, express and act on your emotions is the core process for making relationships work, and experiencing that your emotions are safe to express with your partner, all of them.