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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Hi. This is my first post, but I would definitely need some

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Hi. This is my first post, but I would definitely need some advice. Let me outline the scenario, then I will pop the question...

I recently went on a camping trip with some friends. On this trip, I met a girl and we instantly hit it off. Completely alike. Great energy, so much fun. In fact, the two of us snuck away drove to a nearby town for some drinks and great convo.

The last night of the camping trip, she invited me into her tent, where she kissed me and told me that she "absolutely adored" me. We continued to make out, grope, etc... Then at one moment, she said, "we need to remember to be friends first." Ok. Sure. That seems logical.

We return back to Los Angeles where we live, and spent the next 2 days hanging out. Making out occasionally, but mostly continuing to learn about each other, tell stories, and have fun.

This past weekend, we hung out all day Saturday and eventually went back to my place to spend the remainder of the day by my pool. We ordered in take out, cuddled up on the couch, had sex, more cuddling.. more amazing exchange of energy.. and so on.

Yesterday, she tells me that after her last relationship (which was horrible btw), "she promised herself that she would not look for a man because that's what she always did." Serial dater. She want to be able to do anything she wants, date whomever she wants, etc... and she doesn't want me to get hurt. Oh yeah... I told her that I liked her a lot too.

Ok. That's fine with me I said. Then she tells me that she needs the week to take care of things and we should talk next week. No problem I said. She left my house.

About 3 hours later, she texts to say hi, then more texts, then finally... "hey. come over. let's go hiking." So I did. We spent last night together and had some of the most amazing sex we're both ever had.

My question is, is this girl just kidding herself and trying to hold course just because she said she would or is she serious? Her actions tell me that she is just as interested in this "thing" we have as I am but because of past experiences and stuff... she's trying to convince herself that "we" should just be nothing serious.

I'm so confused. Thanks in advance.

MJ in LA
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly a normal guy and you are a giving and caring person as well. That's wonderful. And you've now met someone who you are not only attracted to but you sense is someone you want to have a real relationship with. Someone you could really establish a love relationship with.

That means that she has a lot of really good qualities along with being great in bed. And you recognize these qualities. But you are also seeing some qualities that make your scratch your head. She is contradictory in her behavior and what she says in some ways. She is moving in her heart as fast as you are in your heart; but she keeps talking about taking it slowly, about not committing, about being loose. So you are now unsure how to understand the situation.

She's also unsure how to understand this situation. We don't have her here to talk about it openly, but from what you write, she's trying to slow down her heart but is having a hard time doing so. She may be also afraid of losing you if she goes too slowly. We don't know.


And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. You don't know. But the wonderful thing is: you don't have to know. Don't try to have definitive answers at this point. Be willing to live with the uncertainty and see where things go.

You can feel free to tell her you think she's wonderful, etc. But she clearly is unready for commitment and certainty. So let things develop. Now, remember: I'm not saying you pull back. I'm suggesting that you not try to know for sure what the situation is at this time. There's plenty of time in the future to see how the relationship develops. And if something is not quite right, there's plenty of time to find that out as well.

So, enjoy this part of the "romance". Because this is part of how a romance works. There's uncertainty. And she's afraid of doing things too fast because of her past, so this part of the romance is going to take a while. That's okay. Stay with it.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you Dr. Mark. That makes perfect sense. I will be sure not to pressure the situation and just enjoy it for what it is at this moment. And her as well.

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 1 year ago.
That's great. That's the best way to let it develop naturally. And let's hope it develops into something great! But whatever happens, it will happen naturally.


I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5170
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships
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Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology helping with relationships