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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1168
Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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I have recently separated from my girlfriend. We lived together

Customer Question

I have recently separated from my girlfriend. We lived together for 18 months, she is 26 and I am 31. She suffers from depression that seems to off being triggered from a traumatic experience at 14. She would often be volatile and quite needy at times. In match I asked her to move out and to give me some space, I was facing redundancy at work and had to reapply for my job. She reacted by pleading and took it bad. I told her the reasons which were genuine and said I did not want to end things. She was isolated where we lived together with no friends or family round her which is a reason I wanted her to spend some time at her parents. As the weeks progressed I found her becoming more and more desperate. On one call I said I can't have this Witt everything was up in the air. Two days later I said that I loved her and wanted to sort it out.

I met her several times and slowly things seemed to be getting much better. Then she started to hide things and being quite distant. Then two weeks ago she ended things saying she had give up. I was devastated. I reacted by telling her what I wanted and sent her a letter. I went round to her house last Sunday and she was really affectionate. It seemed like nothing was wrong again. I said I would give her the space she wanted and promised not to call. The next day she called again, same the following and the next. Each time she would say nothing had changed and she was "too hurt". I made it clear I did not want to be friends and wanted her in my life. The next day she called saying she wanted to spend a few days together because she knew she loved me. Then the last 4 days she went quiet. Today she is avoiding the meeting up question and I am totally confused by her actions. She still has my old car and few other things. I want her back but don't get what is going on or how to.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. L replied 3 years ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

First of all, I am sorry this is happening to you. The ups and downs of your girlfriend's behavior is baffling and hard to make sense of.

Dr. L :

Have you ever considered couple's counseling? It would seem beneficial for the two of you to be working with a professional to sort out what each of you desires from a committed relationship. Once those desires are understood, then each of you can decide if staying together will allow you to achieve those desires.

Dr. L :

As it stands right now, you have done some sorting out on your own about the relationship and want to be together. But she, it appears, is not so convinced about a future with you....that's why she changes her mind from wanting to be with you to then going quiet.

Dr. L :

Spending a few days together on a short holiday might also be helpful. If you are away from the daily pressures of life and able to spend time talking, enjoying each other's company and so forth..you might be able to reconnect to what brought the two of you together in the first place. Often the pressures of living cloud our view so that we have a difficult time seeing life for what it really is. She says she loves you. You say you love her. One would think that the love you share is enough to build and sustain a happy and successful partnership. However, life is never that simple and relationships take work.

Dr. L :

The reality of life is that you have one and only one life to live. If you believe this is the woman you want to spend your one and only life with...then your path is clear.

Dr. L :

I see your are offline right now. When you come online I will be notified and we can chat.

Dr. L :

Thank you.

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