Thanks Dr. Paige...
I was thinking of lunch too, but she works during the day. Maybe on the weekend? And I should I handle our 12 day trip together...in 2 weeks! WHy wouldn't she just cancel and lose the money, or ask if I could find someone else to go? If it was me and I broke up or was thinking of breaking up with someone, I certainly wouldnt want to spend 12 days together.
Thanks Dr. Paige...if I dont here from her first, I'll see if she wants to get a quick dinner later in the week. Does that sound good? But, I was talking it over with my sister....why would she still want to go on this trip? If I just broke up or am going to break up with someone, the last thing I would want is to go on a 12 day trip with that other person. When I asked her last night, she responded 'sure, why wouldnt we go'. Im just having a tough wrapping my mind around that one.
Thanks Dr. Paige and I'll certainly do my best to be patient. I talked things through with my sister, who is a bit of a hot head and she said if it were she wouldnt let her go on the trip; that I should cancel it or just go by myself, because a) she hasnt not wanted to talk about anything, but said a few weeks back that we do need to, she just wasn't ready and b) she is putting me in an incredibly difficult position of being in limbo. Obviously this leaves no room for reconciliation.
Like you said earlier, I feel like I'm in limbo and Im over thinking every little thing.
Ok thanks Dr. Paige. But doesn't she realize that I feel like I'm in limbo and what an unfair and uncomfortable position she's putting me in?
Thanks Dr. Paige,
I have always suspected that she thought I would leave her, and that I didn't take our relationship serious enough. Though that is the farthest thing from the case, I understand that my thoughts and feelings have not always been expressed in my words and actions, in this regard. I know she was hurt in the past by guys (one that literally just left; another that cheated), and I think that recently she felt I was losing interest in her and/or our relationship. Again, thats not the case but I completely acknowledge that as 1/2 of a relationship, that is part of my responsibility. Over the last month we did not get to see a lot of each other (my end of the school year teaching, and she was working odd hours and on the weekends too), which I'm sure contributed. In fact, I was going to see if she wanted to move in together, but I was waiting until we were on the boat on vacation to ask). I guess what I'm asking is: during this time, how do I acknowledge my mistakes and represent my true feelings in actions that I do take her and our relationship seriously. I know this can be done with words, but she clearly isn't ready and/or doesn't want to talk about it.
Ok great, that certainly clears some things up, and I'm up for the test (which is what she's doing, and I can certainly see that) and I think I know to pass it. But what are the things I avoid....in essence, how do I NOT fail the test?
Great, thanks Dr. Paige! Two last things...1) If I ask to grab a quick dinner this week and she agrees, should I ask if she wants to do something fun on the weekend? Or should I just leave it that and see if she responds to me first, or ask her the following day or something? 2) How do I walk the fine line of being romantic, paying attention to her interests and the details, without it coming off screaming 'take me back!'?
Thanks for all the help Dr. Paige, I will certainly keep you up to date.
Excellent advice Dr. Paige...sorry one last thing, promise! If she is in fact testing me, is she aware of it? Did she decide 'I'm going to test him' or is it more of a subconcious test to see if me/our relationship is worth it for her?
Very interesting...so she is aware that she is testing me, and she is seeing how I respond?
Right, got it....so whether its a test or a new start, part of her must want to pass that test or fulfill that new start, correct? Otherwise, why give someone a test you knew they would fail, or offer someone a new start if you knew they couldn't fulfill it?
Ok, that makes total sense and I'm beginning to see things a lot more clearly. She comes from a particular culture where men dont stay around - they cheat, leave or are never there. I think she is testing me / giving me this opportunity to see if given an out, will I take it or not.
Last one for real this time Dr. Paige! Could this be why she hasn't reached out really to contact me that much (outside of the occassional how are you doing text)? Perhaps shes waiting for me to take the initiative? She is typically not very outgoing and in my mind, would not take the first steps.
Thanks for everything....its much appreciated Dr. Paige. I'll keep you updated!
Well she got in touch via text, just to see how I was doing....which I suppose is a good sign. You think tomorrow would be a good day to see if she wants to get dinner sometime this week? Thanks Dr. Paige, your my support through this!
Well she agreed to get dinner Thursday! She didn't seem overly excited, she responded (sure, Thursday is good). But I suppose she has to keep things close to the vest, especially if shes testing me and/or giving me a second chance.
Ok a corny question here....when I pick her up, I was thinking of opening the door for her. I did that the first time we ever went out...and I'm pretty sure she's pointed that out along the way. As you said, women remember things men dont. What do you think?
Ok, another extremely corny question....shes has always wanted me to wear a pink dress shit, she said they look nice. And I of course, have always said never in my life would I be caught dead in a pink shirt. Anyway, I was thinking of getting one and wearing on the day of our flight. I'm trying to think of ways to show that I acknowledge her, and that I might not have in the past, I'm willing to going forward. Is that too much?
I'm sweating the small things....little things like I know she hates the takeoff and usually holds my hand.....but under the circumstances, should I extend my hand for her to take? I usually take the lead on these things, and I know I need to walk a fine line during the trip, its just a hard balancing act, but I'll do my best to read her signals.
Oh and I picked her up one of those cold weather long sleeve workout shirts, which is suggested for being at sea. Do you think thats overboard? Thanks Dr. Paige, thats the last of the minor details I'll bother you with :)
Hi Dr. Paige, thanks for all the help and advice. I was rereading the advice you gave me and the assessment of the situation, and it seems spot on. But one thing in particular that you wrote stood out: 'A lot of times in relationships, men have no idea that they triggered something for the woman to react to and she won't tell him because she expects him to be aware of it, figure it out and fix it without her saying anything about it'. Do you think this is the situation in my case? In case, are little things like a pink shirt, opening the car door enough to show that I acknowledge that although I do take her and our relationship seriously, I'm sure I have not expressed that in my actions, especially recently. If so, and if she wants me to 'fix the problem', are these little details enough? Since she doesn't want to talk about it and my words mean nothing without my actions anyway, what actions can I take to represent this? Or, do I hope she notices my acknowledge (even if it is not directly expressed, but subtley) and hope she responds positively?
Got it, thanks. But if thats the case, why wouldn't she just have a conversation with me about it? Given, she is not the most talkative and doesn't express her feelings too often, but in a situation like this, I'd think most people would express this to the other person and have at least one discussion before taking such drastic measures. Or, given her nature, could this be her way of indirectly saying that things need to change, and I'm going to see how you respond? (whether you say to hell with and walk away, argue or plead).
Ok...I wont say this to her directly, but I will give her the best of me from this point out and hopefully she will notice and accept the change.
Thanks Dr. Paige, your advice has helped me think a lot more clearly about the relationship and myself. On our trip, I promise to not bring up. But from her perspective, why wouldn't she want to set things straight, one way or the other? Otherwise, wouldn't she realize that its both something huge on our minds, but it's never really been discussed. Kind of like a huge monkey in the room we're both supposed to ignore?
Hi Dr Paige, a quick update....we went to a quick dinner tonight, and all went well. At first, I think she might have have been nervous that I'd bring up our relationship, but of course I didn't. So there was no talk about that. But I think we both had a good time; we talked and laughed about our trip. When I dropped her off she didn't invite me up and I didn't want to assume, so I just dropped her off. She said 'well, I guess we'll keep in touch before our trip'. I wasn't sure how to read that. And I told her if she wasn't busy this weekend and wanted to get together, let me know. So that was about it. Should I just wait for her to make the next move, if she does at all? Should I text her that I had a really good time tonight, or just leave it as it is?
Ok great, I just rated you excellent service, hopefully it all went through! If I dont hear from her in two days, should I just check in to see what's up, or ask her if she wants to do something? I did already say if you wanted to get together this weekend, let me know, so it might be a little much.
haha interesting to say the least! I'm just thinking ahead and I will certainly follow all of your advice and read the signals appropriately. Should I try and be cute/romantic at all? Like give her a kiss on the cheek before bed? Or should I let her initiate anything like that?
Ok got it...last thing for this evening. At the airport or at some point during our trip, I was thinking of telling her real quickly, so as not to get into a discuss...'You havent gotten the best in a long time and I can make no excuses, thats my fault. But, whether we know each other the next 12 days or the next 50 years, you deserve the best of me'. Or should I just avoid that at all costs, unless she brings it up?
Ok good idea...I'm pretty sure, not positive, that what she has perceived as my lack of interest in her or our relationship has what caused. But if I am completely wrong, and its not that, why else wouldn't she at least want to discuss somethings? (at least ground rules as far as the trip goes). I've been trying, but I can't think of anything else that would explain why we wouldn't at least discuss some things (and at a point she did we did need too, which obviously hasn't happened). Can you? If that's the case, I can only assume that she's going to use our trip as a determining factor in our relationship. Otherwise, wouldn't it make sense to at least clear the air?
Ok that makes sense...but regardless or whether we broke up or not (which I still dont even know and the labels are meaningless at this point), why wouldn't she even ask if I was comfortable with her going? Even if she wants to go because its a great trip, wouldn't it just seem to make sense to ask the other person if they still want you to come, knowing it might make them very uncomfortable?
I know its unlikely...but could she that after the events of the past few weeks, could she think that I wouldn't want to be with her now? I've completely mature and understanding of everything shes going through, and havent pushed anything, though at time Ive felt like that. And yesterday, I was as cool and confident as I've ever been, and didn't give off any indication that I was upset in any way.
Ok thanks Dr. Paige....if I dont hear from her by tomorrow, I'll get in touch and said I had a really nice time, and maybe propose doing something over the weekend we both like. I know I told her to let me know, but if she is the leaving the door, she might want me to be straightforward and clear that I want to see her. I was thinking either the movies or a baseball game; she is not a fan of sports, but does like the Yanks. Haha and she knows I hate them, so maybe that would surprise her.
Ok I'll give it a try...You had previously said that she may or may not have made up her mind already. Would I know if she had?
Haha Ok I think I follow...she either isn't sure she wants to be with me or she is sure she does, right? But she hasn't decided to NOT be with me, otherwise I would know that by now? I suppose thats a good thing.
Well I'd have to say shes probably in the "i'm not sure phase', otherwise we would be together, correct? Unless shes waiting for something, I have no idea. Either way, I better keep it up!
And the best way to get her from "im not sure I want to be with him' to 'yes I want to be with him' is....not bring anything up unless she does; give her the best of me every day; try to read her signals; pink shirt!; focus on her and no one else, getting her talking; stay in touch; dont expect her to chase me; dont play games and be straightforward; give her space but dont ignore her; let her know im thinking about her (whether its getting her a shirt for the trip or anything else); ...am I missing anything, or do you have anything to add?
Hi Dr. Paige...I asked about the Yankee game or something else and she said she'd like to, but shes helping her cousin prepare for her c-section on Monday, which is true. But she did respond 'we will have two weeks to ourselves soon:)...so thats seems pretty positive!
Agreed! So, so far so good and its looks like towing the line and being patient might pay off :) And she also said shes looking forward to the trip, and 'I hope the trip will do us good'. Which was the first time she mentioned anything to do with 'us' in a long time, and it seems shes hopeful that we can work through this. Maybe she just needed some time and space to work through some things.
I feel the same...I'll go on the trip as her friend and be hopeful for more. But if she is still in the same place after the trip, I will no longer be willing to wait around for her, because at that point itd be incredibly unfair to me. And yes, if she said she only wanted to be friends, I would walk away. And if she told me that before the trip, thats fine, but I wouldn't even consider going on the trip with her, whether I lose the money or not. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX if she wants to be just friends, shed have told me that already, and not withheld it just to go on a trip. She's someone who usually avoids uncomfortable situations like the plague and has never come across as someone who would do that, but I could be wrong.
I 100% agree. But I'm sure shes taken the time to see this from my point of view as well, and might be thinking about what I'm thinking. And if thats the case, what could she possibly expect from me? Comforting and understanding, or distant? To prove my value to her? I know my own expectations, but its hard to determine what she expects out of me during these 12 days.
Ok thanks...then if I was too distant or uninvolved in the past, she might expect me to be 'there' more. Maybe more into her than I was in the past, which through talking to you, is the conclusion I've reached. I'll approach it as being friends, but be more attentive, warm and comforting. I think thats what shes always wanted, but I haven't given her that in a while.
Thanks for all the help Dr Paige...its been real nice to talk things through, and I appreciate all the help you've given me through me millions of messages. After all your help, I'm left with with: on our trip, if I am the same way I've been in the past (distant, not affeccionate enough) then she doesn't want to be with me. And if I have a different approach, and am the opposite of what I've been in the past, she's hopeful for our relationship and this is what she wants to see from me, whether I have that in me. Thanks!
Hi Dr. Paige....I went to visit my sister the past few days and we were talking some things over. But overall, I've shared far more with you then with her. She was just throwing this out there....that maybe she wants to break up but she's having a hard time of doing it 'because I'm too nice of a guy'. Based on what I've told you, does that seem possible? Would someone who felt that still go on vacation with that other person and say we have 2 weeks to ourselves, and I hope it does us good?
Ok thanks...I dont think this is the case, and hopefully it isn't. My sister also thought that this could be her way of 'crying out' for me to be something more to her than just a really good friend; someone to get dinner with and see movies and such.
Hi Dr. Paige...we leave on Sunday, but I just picked up this book (I guess it could be kind of a game too) called 365 questions for couples. There are questions about our relationship, relationships in general, likes/dislikes, goals, etc. Some are simple like whats your favorite food and others are deeper, like What is your favorite memory about our relationship? I've been thinking and realized that we know a lot about each other (likes and dislikes and stuff like that), but we don't really know about each other, as another person (like dreams, fears, etc.). And since her and I are not the best communicators, I thought bringing this on the trip might be a good idea and give a chance to open up to each other about who we really are. Do you think this is a good or terribly bad idea? Should I suggest this, or just mention it and see how she feels about it?
Yeah I was thinking the same thing. And I thought it might be helpful since she is avoiding things, and this might make it easier, or at least slightly open the door. I would not have even thought about it if she hadn't said I hope this trip does us good. Maybe I'll wait a few days to mention, I'm sure its not something she wants thrown in her face at the airport.
Oh absolutely...thats why I'd probably skip the question 'where do you see our relationship going in 5 years'. That's not a good one. I just thought some of the other categories/questions might help us learn more about who each of us is and begin to communicate again, and this communication would ease the talk about 'us' when it does happen.
Definitely, thats my plan. If she's up to give it a shot, I'll ask the more basic questions, and then give her the opportunity to ask basic ones too, or deeper, more serious ones.
Hi Dr. Paige....almost time to leave! Very nervous and excited at the same time. I was rereading all the advice you've given me, and I really appreciate it. I know I havent given her proof that I am fully invested in her or our relationship (though I am, since I was going to ask her if she wanted to move in together). And I'm going to approach the trip as being friends and be hopeful for more. My question is, should part of me remain distant or a bit detached? If I'm obviously way too into her or head over heels into her, do you think that would go in line with her expectations or against them? I know you don't know her, so you're just going on what I've told you.
Thats a good point, I hadn't thought about that. I was unsure if I should initiate anything or wait for her, but she might be thinking the same thing. I guess I'll give that a shot, gradually, and see what happens.
What do you mean by her language?
Ok got it....I will neither push her away or push myself on her. I know this is nearly impossible for you to tell, but what might she be thinking about how she should act? Close, distant, in the middle? Nevertheless, I'll be able to tell tomorrow morning!
Maybe..thanks for all the help Dr. Paige! I'll take your advice, hope for the best and update you when I get back!
Haha ok last thing, promise, then I need to finish packing! If she wanted to be 'just friends', wouldn't she make that at least somewhat clear before the trip? So to avoid any confusion or any mixed messages, and by not telling me, its leaving the door open for me, correct? Thanks! Last one, promise :)
Yeah I think you're right, its one way or the other...haha so what're my odds?
Hi Dr. Paige,
I've been back from the trip for about a week and due to all of your help, I thought I'd give you update. Unfortunately, the trip did not go as I had originally hoped. We got along just fine, though it was clear from the outset, she did not see this trip as a way to reconnect. Though we had a lot of great times, she was also very rude and snotty towards me for absolutely no reason. We didn't hold hands once, she didn't ask for any pictures taken together or anything. But this trip was more of an adventure than a vacation, and for two people looking to reconnect, this was probably the worst place in the world to go. If I could predict the future, I would have booked a trip to Hawaii or Tahiti. This was always my trip, and contained many things that she would never do on her own. On the 7 day boat trip, she was not able to contact her family, no internet, walking through animal poop all day, trying to fall asleep on a boat that was literally walking sideways. I like those things, and she loathes them. She was very stressed and I could tell she tried to get me into a few silly arguments that I managed to avoid. At one point she said she was extremely hurt because she had never been so ignored by anyone before, referring to me on the trip. I'm pretty sure the boat made her delusional because I certainly didn't. I did my best to read her body language and because she wasn't inviting of any affection, I did not follow in her footsteps like a puppy. In fact, I am more proud of myself for the way I acted those 12 days than anything else in my life. I truly did my best. I truly did my best. I was understanding, friendly, funny, had the patience of a Saint. I was literally the best version of myself every minute of the trip.
The conditions were also tough on me, but knowing they were far tougher on her, I held it together. I really feel a lesser person would have just blown up on her and cursed her out. By the time we got back, I had completely accepted that the relationship was over and I was fine with that (she also made sure that I heard her refer to my as her ex-boyfriend). I developed the mindset that she didn't deserve to be with me, and I certainly didn't deserve to be with someone like that. So by the time we landed, I had moved on emotionally and mentally. She said she would contact be about giving me the check for the trip, and I was pretty confident we would never see each other again. Which I was fine with.
Since then she has gotten in contact a few times. Asking how I was doing, wishing me a belated birthday (yep, she seemed to even forget that). She also said that she felt we left things awkward and that she felt very bad about how things went on the trip. To me, what things aren't awkward the last time see an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. She asked if I wanted to get together to talk. I agreed, not because I really want to, but mainly because regardless of everything, I will not give her any reason to place any blame on me. So I didn't hear from her for a few days (she forgot my birthday and said sorry, she's been in her own little world). She got in touch yesterday saying she was getting the vibe I didn't want to talk to her. I replied that I never said that, and she shouldn't judge my vibe based on text messages. She asked if I was available on Thursday, andI told her I might be going on another week long trip, and she said please let me know when you get back or maybe we can meet before on Tuesday.
I honestly am done with trying to predict what shes feeling or thinking, maybe you could get a better read. I don't know what she wants to talk about, if she wants to be friends (which I will politely decline) or she just wants to talk to clear the air for her, so she doesn't feel bad. After all, its been 6 weeks since she initially said she wanted to break up, and now she finally wants to talk. Though given, that trip was the last time and place to have any type of relationship talk. I promised myself after the trip I would not contact her under any circumstances, and that if anything happened at all (whether big or small) would have to come from her. To me, when I dropped her off that was the last time I'd ever see her, but now she wants to get together. Do you have any thoughts or suggestions or advice?
Thanks Dr. Paige...I'd agree that I definitely have the confidence to move on, whether she knows this or not, I have no idea. I can think of very little that she could or would say to me that would convince me to be with her again. But then again, I'm interested. For a girl who brought no surprised for a year and a half, shes certainly brought a lot the last 6 weeks. So I am curious.
I felt like responding to her that at this point, what is there to talk about? I am way past needing an explanation or an apology for the trip. I have no interaction with any ex's, and neither does she. So I'm curious that after 6 weeks of not wanting to talk about a single thing, she all of a sudden wants to. And if she feels bad and just wants to clear the air for her own well being, I think that is a very selfish decision.
Ok will do Dr. Paige....just curious. Since I do have the confidence to move on, which I certainly feel and know I do, and if this makes her feel uncomfortable...then so what? Why in the world would that make any difference to her? Thats what people do after they break up. It was her decision to break up, so what else would she possibly expect and why would this make her feel uncomfortable, if it is?
Ok that does make sense, though I'm not well versed on everything behind it. I'll go and get lunch or dinner for the sake of it and see what she has to say...but, if she feels like she has lost control, do you think she will try and regain it? If so, how? And now that I guess the roles have reversed, does this make me the determining voice? I just want to be as prepared for whatever this is as I was for our trip, which you aided to significantly, and I cant thank you enough.
Ok thanks Dr. Paige...I just submitted a bonus, I hope it went through. I have absolutely no intention of being friends. I would have zero respect for myself if I let her just keep me around just in case she didn't find anyone better, so I refuse to do that. If she was absolutely sincere on wanting to work and communicate about our relationship, I might consider that. But how do I make sure that I am in control and not her? If she was in total control the month of July and through our trip and now I am, in some sense, I wouldn't want to relinquish that. Should I avoid telling her how rude and disrespectful I thought she was? And follow the old adage that if you have nothing nice to say, dont say anything at all? Should I just listen to what she has to say, nod my head and such?
Ok thanks..do you think her intentions might be to get back together? I would really have to think that over if that is the case, and would need to take some time. I just want to be prepared and act accordingly to whatever it is she finally wants to talk about.
Understood....but if I am not willing to be just her friend, and if she is not willing to work on things (and im not sure I am either), its hard to see anything productive or meaningful coming from this.
Understood...I feel like I have the closure I need, I don't know about her. What do you mean about certainty?
Ok got it, thanks Dr. Paige...I went out for lunch with a different girl the other day. I figure its better to get out there again and though I don't anticipate a second date, it was still fun to see someone else. If and when we meet up to talk, should I mention this if she asks. I would think this would upset her a lot, so I don't know...and I dont know why should would think otherwise. Also, I agree with your thoughts about control. But if she wants be as a friend in some capacity, why would not having control even matter at this point? Why would that even be an issue that bothers her if we're only friends? Thanks!
Ok understood...so if she offers friendship and I accept that, than she 'wins', in a sense. But if I decline this friendship, which has been my plan the entire time since she contacted about getting together, than I maintain control?
Since you mentioned control...as we were flying home she was telling a story about a conversation she had with someone about our bags being checked. She then told the exact same story again, but made sure to insert 'ex boyfriend' as a reference to me. I'm pretty sure she wanted to see my reaction, which was absolutely nothing. I just listened and let her talk. It must have upset her that I didn't react the way she wanted, because soon after that she got a little attitude over something small.
Ok got it, I know how to handle the friends talk if it comes up. But on the remote chance she wants to work things out, and in the even more remote case that I agree, does she 'win' then too? Or am I in a position to have the relationship on my terms (within reason) or not at all?
Oh yeah, I completely agree. I have always tried to approach every relationship in that way, as 50/50. I just mean in this current situation...that if she did want to work things out and I agree, doesn't that put her back in a position of control because she got what she wanted? Or if that happened, does the control factor become irrelevant or less important?
Hi Dr. Paige...another silly question of mine. I havent heard from her for a few days, when she asked if I was available on Thursday. I said I wasn't sure, because I might be going away, but it turns out Im not. Should I let her know Im free Thursday or wait to see if she contacts me again? I only ask because if control is more in my favor than hers now, I really would want to give that up. I dont want to seem overly interested in what she has to say, but I am curious.
Ok thanks...I am curious so if I dont hear from her, I'll get in touch tomorrow and let her know I didn't go away. And I became more curious today because my sister and her are facebook friends (Im not on it) and on her page it says 'in a relationship'. I know that reveals very little, but I know she uses it often and immediately put up pictures from our trip, and a few of us together. I know people dont like others knowing all their business because than they would have to talk about it, but I was very surprised to learn that.
Ok I'll try that approach. But do you think she wants to meet just to stroke her ego? Or that if she calls(so to speak) that I'll just come? Doesn't that make me look weak, or have I already established control in this respect?
Yeah but knowing me as well as she does and knowing that she certainly had over done her rudeness, that I though I may accept an apology, I would certainly reject any terms of just friendship? Or why in the world world would she even want to keep me as a friend? Wouldn't she be aware of how selfish this is and unfair to me? This is usually a person that avoids any type of uncomfortable conversation, as I'm sure you can tell by now.
Yep, what a total mystery to me as well. I'm hoping she realizes what a mistake she made....because honestly, I am more proud of myself for those 12 days than anything else ever, and I feel I've accomplished a lot. But you are right, this girl is a complete enigma and there is only one way to find out.
Hey Dr. Paige...I just got a text from her saying 'Hey I had my endoscopy yesterday so I didn't call you because by the end of the day I was still feeling awful from the prep. Can you text me when you're back from your trip. Have a safe trip'.
How should I respond to that? Sorry for asking for help on what should be very simple tasks.
She just got in touch again, asking when I could get together....should I suggest tomorrow, which she originally did? Or leave it up to her?
Hey Dr. Paige...so we're gonna get together tomorrow evening, she asked again. How do you think I should approach this meeting? Honestly, if she is wanting to give me an explanation as to why she broke up with, I'd prefer if she skipped it after six weeks, because at this point I dont need it. Or if she thins I deserve an apology, send me an email of something....I'd prefer skipping that too. But nonetheless, I'm curious as to her intentions. Should I act like I really dont care, since thats somewhat how I feel at this point? I don't want her to manipulate me or the situation to a point where I become vulnerable again and she is the one in total control.
Hi Dr. Paige...just got back from our get together and big surprise, we talked about nothing. In one sentence she apologized for being rude and being a bitch on the trip, and I was ok thank you. And after dinner she asked if I was seeing anyone and I said why are you asking that. She said she was just asking and I said that I wasn't (because though I went on one date, I'm not seeing anyone). We sat in the park for about an hour, but that was literally it. And she texted me thanking me for coming over and that it was nice seeing me. But other than that, nada. I don't understand, since she seemed to clearly want to get together and talk. And there was no way I was going to even come close to initiating that talk, but then she'd be in a position to say no, I dont want to. I could be wrong, it seemed like she wanted to talk, but nothing came out. Can you make absolutely any sense of this?
And she just texted me 'is it ok to ask what your feelings towards me are? and be 100% honest'? How in the world to I respond to that...should I say I will only talk about it in person, not through text. And to be honest, I would much prefer she tell me what she has to tell me before she asks any questions.
Hi Dr. Paige...when she asked what my feelings were towards her I told her that I would talk about it in person, but that Id prefer if she had something to say to tell me first and then she could ask me what she liked and I'd answer honestly.
Very strange, I dont know why she would be remotely interested in what my true feelings about her are. And if she wanted to be just friends, why not just tell me and get it over with. I definitely got the feeling she sensed I had moved on and no longer had any issue whether we were together or not, it seemed to make her uncomfortable.
So we are going to meet again Sunday or Monday and though I expect to talk and get answers, I wouldn't be shocked if I didn't.
Oh most certainly. She asked me to talk and we both knew that. She was uncomfortable for some reason (maybe because I feel very good and confident, bought a brand new car and didn't initiate talking about anything). She could have talked or asked about whatever, but it wasn't until she got home and used the mask of a text message to asked me how I really feel about it.
I agree, if she doesn't come clean the next time, there is absolutely no way I'd see her again, but it would be ridiculous. I've had girls tell me lets just be friends and it was easy as pie for them because they knew for certain thats what they wanted and nothing more. I could be wrong, but I think she is now fearful that I would reject her.
Hi Dr. Paige.....her and I planned on meeting today or tomorrow, but I havent heard back. If she is nervous as to my reaction would be, she might just avoid meeting up, which wouldn't be surprising at all. If I dont hear from her, should I text her and ask her if there is something she wants to tell me but is too nervous to? That has always been her mode of communication she was most comfortable with.
Hi Dr. Paige....so i contacted saying exactly the above. It turns out she was working super long hours. She said that she respected my desire to talk in person rather than text, and that she was willing to do either. I told her I was curious as to her intentions, since I normally dont see or interact with people I've had relationships with. She responded 'Dont worry there not nad bad intentions, i dont normally keep in touch or see someone I had a relationship with either'...any thoughts?
Ok, should I insist on knowing her intentions? I really dont want to have a face to face conversation about 'we should just be friends'.
Well I asked what her intentions were then, and she said' like said you, its better if we talk in person. It's not a conversation that should be taken care of in text'.
Well cause I'm a fool I asked the question, do you want to have the 'I just want to be friends conversation'. And shes responded not that not it, is that what you want to hear. Which I responded no to, but who knows what will come of this?