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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Me and my ex girlfriend have been broken up going on 5 months.

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Me and my ex girlfriend have been broken up going on 5 months. We also work together so it makes things even more crazier. The thing is I love my ex still and have been having a hard time letting go. This is mostly due to the fact that I know deep down she still loves me. I say this from all the actions shes shown post-breakup. She was the one to cut things off and when I asked if she saw a future with me and her she said no. But she did throw in the "I think we should just be friends" line which really tripped me out. Her actions after that discussion include her calling me to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't answer because I was asleep but later she txted me telling me that. She would weeks later out the blue wish me good luck on an exam I was taking for a promotion. I would weeks later out the blue receive a txt congratulating me on an award I received . It was from a new number and when I responding and asked who it was, I got no response. I later would find out it was from my ex. So she still has my contacts. Me and her are still friends on facebook and I notice that she still likes pictures or videos I'm tagged in but only if its from someone elses page that is a mutual friend. Nothing coming from me. She is even friends with my mother on facebook and still likes post my mom puts up. She even went as far as to write on my moms wall and wish her a happy birthday and like her recent pictures. If we are broken up, it doesn't make any since to be close to my mother whether it is communicating through a social network or anything. She recently wrote on my facebook wall saying congrats the promotion I just got. It really makes me wonder if she just can't let me go and is regretting her decision to not give me a second chance or is she just being friendly. The times we talk at work I can still feel a strong connection between us, but for the most part my ex acts like she is over me. But why try and be nice if that is the case. Or going out of her way and offering me things such as food of hers and even surprising me with candy in my locker with a little joke written on the wrapper. I really want us to get back together but she goes out of her way to try and avoid me and act like im not important to her anymore outside of work. But she still makes contact occasionally but not as much. It may have to do with the fact that she is supposedly seeing someone right now but I don't think its serious. It was too quick right after we ended which makes me believe its a rebound. It might be a way of making me jealous because she post on facebook about how good things are with her now but never has shown who this new person is. She is very secretive about this new person and I believe its someone she doesn't want people to know. The reason Im writing all this is too get an expert point of view of all these signs and what they may mean. If my ex says we weren't getting back together, why be friends and do all these things mentioned above, unless she has a hidden agenda.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra : Thank you for your question.
Deardebra : The reason why she decided to stay friends is she could not even imagine her life without you in it.
Deardebra : she wanted you in her life and she found a way by being friends. You both work together so she gets to see you and you never left her life.
Deardebra : it seems too me that she dies have strong feelings for you but might have been afraid to fully commit to the relationship out of fear of being hurt.
Deardebra : this is very common, some times people even go and date someone that they do not have strong feelings for so they do not have to worry about being hurt.
Deardebra : evey thing you have said is all signs of her thinking of you.
Deardebra : Congratulating you on an award was because she was proud if you. Birthday message was because she wanted to share in your special day and she wanted you to know that she was thinking of you.
Deardebra : She has really positive signs that she loves and cares for you. I would really give this friendship a try and see if it leads you both back together.
Deardebra : it just seems like something pulled her away from the relationship. It was like she felt she had to leave even knowing that she loves you.
Deardebra : I feel that you should try doing some of the things she does to show he you still care about her. I think she needs to know how you feel about her.
Deardebra : she is trying to show you how she feels.
Deardebra : but it seems she might be unsure on how you feel.
Deardebra : show her done signs that you still care about her.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1813
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


The thing is she knows how much I care about her and that I love her but yet she still doesn't want to get back together. I believe she has even told people that she does not do redo's or second chances but she has done it in the past with other relationships. Why not give me a chance. If she truly wanted to be friends, why not offer to hang out or interact more with me in person. She will intereract with others at our work and joke around, but rarely will she do it with me. Its almost like she intentionally does this. Outside of work if we are at group gatherings, she would act like she doesn't see me or I don't exist. But she will look at me when she knows im not looking. Why be like that if she still loves and cares for me. It makes it hard to try and be friends because it seems she wasn't really serious about it. Maybe she is trying to prove to herself and others that she is over me. But all the things mentioned before about her actions suggest otherwise.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your question. I would say too her I am glad that we were able to stay friends because so many people are not able to do tat after a break up. I know you are over me, but I will always carry a place for you in my hard. Some times in life their are no second changes, but maybe some day you will give me another chance. I learned so much by us not being together and I would do things so differently today in this relationship. I feel that you do not realize some times how much someone means too you until they are no longer in your life. But I understand that you needed to move on and that was what was bets for you. But I hope that one day I will be able to get that second chance.
I think that is what you should tell her, you could e-mail it too her if you do not want to say it in person. It still sounds like use is looking for your attention, like joking and interacting with workers and I feel she looks when your not looking to see if you are still interested in what she is doing. Every sign point that she still acres about you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks for your answer. So do you think that my ex ignoring me out in public or around other coworkers is a facade. Also the fact that she would interact with others but not show interest in me and whats going on in my life is a way to get a reaction out of me?

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
Ignoring you in public I feel is her way of trying to convince others that she is over you when she is not. That is a sure sign how she acts that she is trying to act like she moved on. She interacts with others to show you that she is fine and is able to be on her own. She is trying to show you she is fine without you, but what she is really doing is trying to learn how to be on her own. It is almost like when people try to make others jealous they laugh louder or they do things so others can see. I feel she wants you to notice her. I think if you weren't there she would do half these things. She is trying to prove she is ok but all the signs point to she is not and she is struggling to move on. She wanted to be friends so she should not be ignoring you. It sounds like she cares about what others think so she ignores you so they don't think you both are getting back together. But she needs to follow her heart.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

So what would be a good way to get her to open up to me without putting myself out there. She acts too hot and cold and sometimes i feel like she is really over me and then sometimes i feel therr os something there for me. But like i said i don't think she will really show me anything until her current situation is over. Ive put myself out there too much already.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
I would try being friends. I would explain too her that you have no problem being friends and it would be a better work environment if you both could come to a better understanding. You both have to see each other all the time, so it would be best if you both could communicate like you use to before you started dating. She seems to be ups and down and I feel the reason is she wants to love you, but then backs off. Usually this is something that has happened in the relationship where she feels she should not get attached again. There is something that has bothered her in the relationship but has not come out and said. That is what is holding her back. She will not come out and tell you. This is why she is hot and cold. She knows if you both become friends again she will not be able to handle it because I feel she is still in love with you, so she knows friends is not going to work for her. Now what you want to do is try to establish the relationship with honesty. I would tell her you know it is ok to be friends with me, it doesn't mean people will think we are dating if anything it will show that you can be friends. I would tell her that you with her the best, XXXXX XXXXX she has moved on, so explain why you don't understand why you can not be friends. Right now I feel like she thinks you will always be there any time she wants to come back. But I think you might want to try not paying attention when she pays attention to her co-workers. I feel she will begin to think you are over her and try chasing you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks again for the advice. One more thing i wanted to ask. My ex when she cut things off with me told me she saw no future with me but still wanted to be friends. Now after all the signs and things ive wriyten so far, if she is already planninga future without me knowing i still love her and she loves me, could she still maybe want more later or is she pretty much made her mind yp that we are not getting back together. It doesnt make since to hold on to me. Especially if she still has things from our relationship like pictures and other belonginhs she hasnt given back.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
This makes things very clear now why she left. She is looking for more in the relationship. She was looking for more of a commitment. Maybe engagement, marriage she saw no future because she is looking for you to plan more in the relationship. I think she is looking to take that next step of a more solid commitment. That was a hint when she said that, she wanted you to ask her to take that next step maybe moving in together. I would discuss that with her I feel by what she has described is she is waiting for things to change, she is waiting for that day that you take that next step. If a women sees no future when it comes to marriage they often walk away to go find someone else with the same views on marriage. Marriage is a big thing when it comes to women. I would talk about that with her because by what she says she was looking for more.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Your definately are right on her wanting to get married. Thing is she didnt realize she was trying to rush things with me and her. i felt it because she would throw hints at rings and stuff of that nature. But i was still a good man to her and she doesnt see that. The thing is she doesnt accept any responsibility for things falling apart. The fact that she doesnt want to be together but still want to hold on to me doesnt make any since. Especially if she doesnt see a future. You really think she would have me on the backburner just to see if ill change.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
I do feel that she is still waiting for you to ask her to marry her, this is why she is still holding on. I think she believes that all this will come true if she does not take you back. I think she wants to be married and will not accept anything less. You said her hinting about rings. If you said too her why don't we get engaged I think she would be right back into your life. She does not think that you will ever get married so she left. But what she needed too see that love is an emotion when you love someone you just want to be with them. It is not about running to get married it is about loving each other and creating a bond. So I feel she is holding on hoping you pop the question.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

So if she still loves me why act so cold and distant towards me. Why even get involved with someone else and try to get a reaction out of me. It seems like either she wants to but is stuck in her current situation and wants to save face, or she just wants to be in control of the relationship. She knew I wanted to get back together and I even brought up talks about marriage but that would be something that comes with time and happens naturally on its own. I also think she wants to get back at me for breaking things off the first time, even though it was only something temporary for me to decide if this women was the one for me because I felt we were moving too fast. Also, is there any significance in my ex still being friendly with my mother even after we split. I feel that if we are broken up then we shouldn't keep in touch with those close to our exs. She still contacts my mom on facebook whether its liking post or pictures of her and wishing her happy birthday. Just don't make any since.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 12 months ago.
When you left the first time I feel that changed things in the relationship. I think she was hesitate in putting her heart back out there out of fear that you might leave again. Some times these breaks change the relationship. Her talking to your mother on Facebook is a sign that she is still trying to keep a good connection with her because I feel she plans on coming back. Everything you have told me it just seems like this is someone that has not moved on and still wants to stay in your life. Marriage is very important too her and she is still waiting for you to make that commitment. I feel she is with this other person because she feels that they are ready to make a commitment. But I do not feel she has the same feelings for him as she does for you. She wants to still remain in your life. She mitt be waiting for your mom to tell her about you as well. I think it would be a good idea for you both o sit down and talk.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.


Thanks again. I don't think she has had conversations with my mom since we have been broken up but that minimal contact on facebook is all I see unless my mom just hasn't told me. I don't see why my ex just hasn't tried reaching out to my mom by phone because I know if she has my number still, then she probably has my moms as well. I think that my ex follows and listens to what her friends tell her too much and they aren't even on the maturity level as her. My ex is older than her friends and I think if she were to talk to my mom she would get an older womens view on things, which she needs. My ex also tries to get reactions out of me doing things like posting how good her life is now and all the food she cooks with her new boyfriend, just petty stuff. I know she is trying to get a reaction because she knows me and her are still friends on facebook and that I would see the post. If she is the one that finally cut things off between us then why go through the trouble of trying to get a reaction out of me or make me jealous. Only thing is I have thought about sitting her down and talking to her but I don't think she would admit to how she really feels. She is stuck in the mindset that I was at fault and that she wasn't wrong and that she doesn't do second chances. This woman has too much pride.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 12 months ago.
I agree with her needing to talk to someone else like an older women because friends have a way of thinking of themselves and not thinking about the person. The reason is some friends can be very jealous and like their friend single. Also her friends do not know how she really feels deep down. They could be giving her the wrong advice. Some friends just think the person should leave and not work things out, but relationships are not perfect and people make mistakes. People give people not just second chances they give them a life time of chances. The reason why is that is how you learn to have a good relationship by knowing what the person wants and needs in the relationship. It's like she is faulting her boyfriend to show you al the things that she wanted you to do. She sounds very torn on how she feels, she is set on that no second chances you need to change her mind. You need to tell her that in order for a relationship to get better you need to work at it together.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.


I appreciate all your advice and input you have been giving. The thing with the second chance, its hard to convince someone like my ex who is stubborn at times and full of pride. But I think if she talks to someone older then yea it would make a difference. As much as I look at all the signs which looks positive, I still have my doubts. Sometimes I feel like my ex's offer of friendship afterward was just an option and that she really doesn't care to e friends. Even if she has contacted me on and off, the way she acts towards me as far as acting like I don't exist or being cold at times makes me second guess how she truly feels. We haven't even hung out since she cut things off. But I do think about the fact that she hasn't returned some of the things I let her borrow including the only picture she has of me. If she was truly done then why not give that back. Especially after I told her to give it back if she no longer wanted it. It trips me out that she feels comfortable writing on my moms wall and liking her statuses but won't do the same for me even if we are friends on facebook. I know I may e reading too much into things but these things have been rolling through my mind. If you could give me one more input on all of this I would really appreciate it.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 12 months ago.
Everything you have told me it seems that she does not want to let you go and she is still holding on. She is not ready to fully move on. What tells me this is hitting like on your mom Facebook. Not returning a picture. She wants to keep these memories and she does not want to let go of what she once had, if she does try and let go I feel she would be lost. The reason why she contacts you off and on is to see if you are still there. She wants to know that you still care about her. I really do think she knows that you will come back at any moment so she keeps you there by doing these certain things to show she is still interested. You said she is stubborn and full of pride so her coming back would be more of her pride getting in the way. She wants your mom to still like her and she wants to see if your mom is still alright with her after what has happened. Also the reason why she has not let go is because she still has feelings for you and her bragging about her boyfriend, just proves she is not happy with him. She is trying to show others that she is happy and now has this great life, but someone that has a great life usually doesn't advertise it because they have nothing to prove to anyone. She is trying to show people everything is fine, but deep down she is not. She is still trying to keep you around in case she decides to give you a second chance. All the signs point to that she still cares about you, but she is trying to move on. The only thing is she is having trouble because the person she really wants is you. She is imagining her life with you and hoping that things worked out differently. I feel when she does contact you it is because she is remembering your lives together. She wishes she could go back and things could be different, but her pride is what is getting in the way. She does not want to admit she was wrong for leaving. But she knows she should have stayed and waited for things to change. You have to give relationships time to grow. To understand each others wants and needs. She wanted to be married and have that commitment and instead of giving things a chance, she chose to walk away. Now I am sure she has regrets and because of her stubbornness, she will not tell you how she really feels. I would sit her down and talk about everything so you can see where she is at in this relationship. She might tell you exactly how she feels. It is obvious she is having trouble moving on. I noticed you gave me an ok rating in the beginning, I am hoping that you will re rate my answer. I am here to help you.
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Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1813
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Customer: replied 12 months ago.


Thank you very much for all your input. You definitely have opened my eyes on a lot of things. I hope things play out well and that my ex isn't just doing all of this to get back at me. I really just cant see her moving on so quick and being over me like that because we both shared a love that was very strong and it was mutual. Now she seems like a complete different person like we shared nothing.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 12 months ago.
Acting like a completely different person is her masking her hurt over the relationship. This stems back to her flaunting her relationship. She is covering up her true feelings. Right now she is in a relationship where she doesn't care.But the relationship she had with you she cared too much which left her vulnerable to get hurt. But love is always a risk. A risk she was afraid to take. She put too much in front of her and should of been just living in the moment of just being in love. Now she is scared if she comes back will you forgive her and continue to stay. I think she would be worried that you might leave. She sounds so torn and some times feelings are just to strong to ignore. Those are the feelings she has for you. She just can not seem to let you go.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.

Ok i see what your talking about. So even she is telling her friends about how great she is doing with her new boyfriend it doesnt nececarilly mean she feels that way. I just hate the fact that she doesnt acknowledge my precense at work sometimes when we are in a group with others talking.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 12 months ago.
The reason why she does not pay attention too you in work is she is worried what people would think. She would be concerned that people would think you both were back together. Also she tells her friends she is doing good because she wants them to believe she is doing wonderful. She seems to care a lot about what people think. Which she should only care about what makes her happy. It is her life she has to live her life not everyone else's.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I know from all the other questions you gave me positive feedback. But do you think that maybe my ex might just see me as a friend now and not boyfriend material. I heard somewhere that if your ex wants to still be friends after a breakup, either they never were really in love or they still are in love with you. I know for a fact my ex was in love with me but her seeing someone else just gets to me. She just chose to buryall her feelings for me.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
Thank you for your question. What happens when after a break up someone wants to be friends is because they can not let the person go and want them in their life. Some times it is because they feel like they need time to figure out their feelings. When someone says they do not want to hear from you and never contact them again, they know they want to move on. Your ex has all the signs that she wants to be involved in your life still and you are right she is blocking her feelings. She also cares about what people think so she will take her time trying to get back with you. She would be worried what people might think. I feel she is confused about her feelings and is trying to take time to see if you and her are meant to be together.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1813
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

So would you say that even though she really doesn't contact me that often? I feel sometimes that even though she says we should be friends it doesn't seem like she puts too much effort in maintaining that friendship. Yea I've told you about the on and off contact, but she hasn't even made an effort to see me outside of work. I know she has a boyfriend but if it isn't anything serious or longterm then why not keep in touch more often. Its crazy saying all this but it seems her offer of friendship really didn't matter if I agreed or not. Almost as if it was a way to let me down lightly. Also, the thing with not giving back my stuff, it may be that she just forgot about those things. I really don't know.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
In a break up one thing people do is they either hold into things if their ex or they give them back because they no longer want anything that reminds them of the person they once loved. She wants these things because she does not want to let go of that memory of you and her. I feel that when she contact you here and there that is when she is thinking if you and has that weak moment of emotion where she wishes you both were together. But then she quickly remembers why she left and she think that things can never go back but she's wrong things can go back. But they would be different this time. If you told her that one day you want to marry her I think she would rethink her whole life. She never wanted to leave on bad terms and I feel that she thought when she left you would ask her to marry you because she thought you would not want to lose her. But she should not have left knowing that you would have married her when you were ready. I think you should try interacting more in work and see how she reacts.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1813
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Wow you really have some good insight on everything I've told you so far. A lot of the things I've said, other people have said the same thing but its hard for me to really get my hopes up because I don't know 100% for sure. I would like to just come out and ask her how she truly feels but I feel she would not be honest. Plus I've put myself out there too much already about how I feel. The thing is I don't know really how she feels about the person she is currently with. She will post on facebook a lot of times about the food she in the guy cook together and how good she is doing, knowing that me and her are friends on facebook and I will see it. It just makes me question how serious she feels about the guy or if it is just a front to make me jealous and make me feel I lost something good. I think she still wants me to pursue her instead of her trying to make moves towards me, but I haven't given in to her mind games and given her a reaction to what she is doing so hopefully she will see that it is not working. One of the main reason I still have my doubts is because she is making plans to go back to school and she doesn't seem to factor me into her future plans, but the place she is talking about going to school is in my home state and where my mom is at. It could mean nothing but the fact that she still is cool with my mother on facebook makes me wonder about her motives. I asked my mom if my ex has talked to her in a while and she said no but my ex does like post, pictures my mom puts up and I told you she even wrote on my moms wall wishing her happy birthday. Its a cowardly way of staying connected to her but it does show some attachment is still there. Or she could just be friendly and it means nothing at all but I don't know of anybody that stays in touch with their ex's parents.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
People do not stay friends with their ex's parents that is very put of the ordinary. It can happen but it is very rare. It is like she does not want to leave on bad terms because she plans on coming back, so she would not want your mom mad at her at all. Her bragging on Facebook is a way for her to rub thing in a little, she is doing this in a way so you realize if you made that commitment then that could be you and her. People in love do not just brag about their relationship because it doesn't matter. When two people are in love they focus on each other they don't post their whole lives on Facebook because loving each other is all that matters they don't have time to even be on Facebook. When you live someone it is not about what people think it is about the two people in the relationship. In fact a lot if people do not post their relationships because they do not want other involved expressing their opinion. So I feel that she is trying to make people believe she is happy when she is not. It's like she is trying to convince herself that she is happy but the truth is she wants to be with who she really loves and that is you. I would ask her how she feels but make sure she is not around anyone because she wouldn't want anyone to hear her. Even maybe writing a letter so she could respond back. That way she would know how you feel still and could respond how she felt by tell her to write back. If she writes back you know she still cares.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

DearDebra you have been nothing but good help to me these past weeks of me asking you questions. I know I've been asking a lot but im just not ready to give up on this girl. As much as my friends say I should move on, I could if I wanted to and find someone else but I really don't want to yet. As long as I get the sense that there is something there between me and her I won't give up but at the same time I won't wait forever. This will be my last question to you. With everything I put out, do you honestly believe this women still loves me and would ever come around and give in to her heart. With her acting cold and distant anyone would believe that yea she is done with that fool but it seems like she is trying too hard. Also, someone who is over someone wouldn't keep in touch. I really can't be just friends with her the rest of my life and I don't know how serious she is about it unless she is afraid that the closer we get as friends then she will start to fall for me again. Idk, but her even calling me out the blue not too long ago asking if she could use my flashcards to study for this board was real surprising. She could have easily found the study material from anyone else but she decided to call me when she didn't have to. I guess she did it under the guise of friendship and she was very warm and friendly almost like she felt good talking to me. But after that day she went back to her cold silent routine of me not existing. Im like come on if your going to be one way, be that way. Anyway I definitely would appreciate your input.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
I also feel that you should not give up because I do feel there is feelings there that need to come out. She is trying to cover up these feelings around others and that is why she often excludes you when she is around other people. She does not way other to see how she feels because she knows that when she is around you it is obvious that her feelings for you are strong. She is afraid that people will notice. When she called you out of the blue for flashcards that was her thinking about you and seeing if you still were interested. That is here way of contacting you because she had a reason to contact you. She almost needs an excuse to call, text, e-mail. She is trying to figure out how you still feel about her. So she test you every once in awhile to see if you are still there. I really feel you both need to take some time to sit down by yourselves and talk about this relationship. Let her know that you are still there for her. Let her understand your feelings. She needs to see that there is a future with you and her. I feel that is all she is really looking for. She wants you to come and sweep her off her feet. I know everything is a risk when it comes to love but it is a risk worth taking.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Thanks again. I have already put it out there to her not too long after she cut things off that I wasn't bitter and that I wish her well in whatever she does in life and that if she ever wanted to talk or wanted my help with something don't feel weird or indifferent to ask or call. But for whatever reason she really doesn't feel the need to as much, like I said the contact is on and off but she does initiate a lot of it and she finds ways to show her interest indirectly like on facebook where one of my friends would post a picture of a group of us out or a video with me tagged in it and she will like the post but say if I were to post it up she most likely wouldn't like or comment. Same thing with the contact with my mom. I know that the relationship my ex is in isn't going to last so if the love is still there why not give that rebound or whatever up instead of risking me truly moving on and never making things right. I know I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering what if.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
She still keeps in contact here in there so that she does not fully lose you. I feel there is an opening here for you both to reconnect. I know you told her that you were not bitter and you wished her well. Which is excellent that you said all the right things, but what she wants to here is that you want to spend the rest of your life with her and that you are going to fight to win her back. You need to tell her how you feel I know it is hard to just open up and express yourself because you do not know what she is going to say but at least she would know how you felt still.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

So even if she is already planning on pursuing school which she hasn't mentioned me in her plans could that be looked at as a negative though. I mentioned before that the school she is looking at is in my home state and also where my mother lives. My ex has a sister that goes to school out there as well so I could be reading too much into it but she has mentioned that around me and to others. Idk if she is trying to peak my interest or what.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
It sounds like she wants you to know that she is looking into going to school in your home state. She wants you to know. It is interesting she picked where your mom lives. You have to wonder if she is doing this figuring you both could have a life there. She knows that you and her could see each other when you go and see your mom. You could tell her when you are going there and she might meet up with you. Right now she is in an environments where she feels confused. People often try to fix their life start again in a new environment where they would be judged. Right now she doesn't want people to see she still loves and cares about you, but if she was somewhere else you both could start again. The signs are there because of the school she chose. I would not be surprised if she contacts your mother if she goes there. It sounds like she is planning her life around you and her getting back together. This is why she is changing things in her life hoping that you will see these changes.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

That is a very strong possibility or it could be a sign she is really trying to move on and maybe go there with the new guy. I know that is negative thinking but I like to be realistic of the possibilities. But if you add all the other signs with that it really does make since for her to try and do that. But I don't know for sure if she is doing it for the new guy she is with, for me or herself.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
It seems like she is trying to prove too you that she is creating a life and planning for her future. I do not think the new guy is even involved in these plans. She is just trying to make others believe that she wants to be with him, but the sign shows me that she is trying to impress you. This is why the school is in your home state and where your mom lives. I think she is trying to create a life figuring that you will ask her to marry you. Maybe she thought that you thought she needed to show you that she was creating a future. I think she feels she needs to do more in order for you to want to make that commitment. I would talk too her about her going to school.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Well what if the guy she is with was going to be moving to my state. My ex may be trying to follow this guy but at the same time I agree that she couldn't be serious about this guy. This leads me to my next question, based on everything do you believe that this relationship my ex is in is anything serious to worry about or just a rebound. I know it may be hard to say since you don't know the people involved but I can see and know for a fact that the guy she is with isn't really someone she would go for or even is compatible. Also, there is no telling what my ex told her friends and family about why we broke up but im sure she didn't tell the whole truth. Which brings me to this, if she says she sees no future with me or that we weren't getting back together, why even bother staying in contact and offer to be friends. Either we are together or not. The mixed signals are ridiculous. For someone who doesn't do second chances or redoes, although she has in the past with others, she cant give me this one chance all because she is in a rush to get married. I know I've been asking you a lot but your knowledge on this situation has really opened my eyes on a lot of things.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Well what if the guy she is with was going to be moving to my state. My ex may be trying to follow this guy but at the same time I agree that she couldn't be serious about this guy. This leads me to my next question, based on everything do you believe that this relationship my ex is in is anything serious to worry about or just a rebound. I know it may be hard to say since you don't know the people involved but I can see and know for a fact that the guy she is with isn't really someone she would go for or even is compatible. Also, there is no telling what my ex told her friends and family about why we broke up but im sure she didn't tell the whole truth. Which brings me to this, if she says she sees no future with me or that we weren't getting back together, why even bother staying in contact and offer to be friends. Either we are together or not. The mixed signals are ridiculous. For someone who doesn't do second chances or redoes, although she has in the past with others, she cant give me this one chance all because she is in a rush to get married. I know I've been asking you a lot but your knowledge on this situation has really opened my eyes on a lot of things.


Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
The guy she is with could be a rebound guy. If the guy is playing on moving to your state and that Is why she is going there then that would be more serious . But if he is following her there then that would not be serious in her part. She sees no future she says with you because she is looking to do certain things with her life and she feels you do not have the same goals. She wants to get married and be a family and she feels you are not ready to be with her in that way. She thinks you will never be ready for that commitment but she does not realize how much you love her. I want you to write a letter explaining how you feel about her. I want you to express your feeling too her one more time she needs to hear it. I feel that is why she remains friends cause she is hoping you will make that commitment.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Thanks again for your answer. I think ill consider giving that a try. I wish it didnt have to come to me putting myself out there again. I dont see why she doesnt realize all the good me and her had and why she feels she has to rush and get married. Its like she feels that if i marry her then i wont walk away or leave. Very insecure but her past relationships have done that to her i guess. I was hoping that maybe she would realize after spending enough time with the guy that she still loves me but i dont know if that will happen. Also, if she doesnt care for the guy like she does for me, why not end it and make things right with me. Smh

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
She will not just leave this new guy unless she knows how much you care about her. She does not want to give up on you hoping that things can change. That is a good reason why she wants to be married. If she is insecure then that would be one reason why she would want a comment. She thinks that if you do not want to marry her then you must not want to stay with her for the rest if your life. She thinks if you make that commitment she would not have to worry about you leaving. She will not leave the other guy out if fear she will have no one. So she is going to wait until you decide to make that commitment. You need to tell her how you feel. You don't want her thinking you moved on.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Thank you again. i think im just going to go ahead and put myself out there. Only thing i fear is that everything you told me might be the other way around. i do believe and understand what you have said but i wouldhate to be let down if she really doesnt feel anything for me anymore. The only way i see her coming around on her own is if she breaks up with her current boyfriend. But i just dont see her coming around on her own. Also her changing the things in her life could be an attempt to impress me but i dont know if it has to do with the guy she is with.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
I do believe she is trying to impress you because I del she thought she was not good enough for you. I think she felt that she would change things in her life hoping that you would see these changes and want to make a commitment. But she does not realize that you already love her for who she is and that is what you should tell her. That you love her for you, you want to be with her for her. You feel in love with the person she is and will always love the women she will become. he needs to know how you feel I think she is very unsure right now on what your feelings are, if she does not respond right away it is only because she is thinking about what you said, so give her some time to realize everything you are telling her because I feel she is going to be surprised how you still feel about her.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Hey thank you again for the answer. I was thinking about doing something to test my ex and I wanted your input. Remember when I told you how my ex still has things of mine that I let her borrow while we were still close, and Im going to just flat out ask for them back along with the picture she never returned as well. I don't know if the reason for her not returning them back is because she wants to keep them because they remind her of me or if she just forgot about it. It could also be that she doesn't really care for them and is just using some of my things until I ask for them back lol. But my thinking is if she doesn't want to let go of me in hopes of getting back together, this will mess with her ego in a since. I've come to accept that in a way my ex might be stringing me along and I want to take back that control or power she feels she still has, along with that security net she feels she has because im sure she feels that she could get back with me whenever she wants but I would never make things that easy for her. I want to give her the impression that im truly moving on and that being friends is out of the question. If whoever she is with is not serious and is a temporary thing, I want her to feel like she is losing me and has nowhere to turn whenever her rebound or whatever goes to shit. What is your take on this from your experience and have you seen similar situations. Also, do you think it might backfire because if she feels that im completely moving on, she might just settle and make due with who she is with. Like I said I don't know if she is serious with this guy but I can tell that they are no way compatible. She might think things are good and they get along now but wait until things starts dying down and she see who he really is.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
Thank you for your question. This could work in two ways. She could look at that you are over here and are moving on so she no longer has a chance, so she should move on as well. Some times in a relationship people hold onto their ex's figuring if things do not work out wit their current partner that they can always go back to their ex. She might try and work things out more with the boyfriend she is with figuring that everything she has done did not impress you enough and you are letting her go. The second thing that could happen is she might feel she lost you and start chasing you. She might panic and worry that you have moved on and their is no future so she might show you more attention. When people ask for their stuff back in a relationship that just shows the person they are done. That is like the closing decision that is made by people when they truly have moved on. I do feel that you do need to get control back into the relationship that seems to be what the problem is, she is keeping you there for when she is ready to come back. You need to do something that she begins to worry she is losing you. She is the one that knows she is in control right now, she really does believe that you will come back at any moment. She looks for things to see if you are still interested. Like looking over to see if you are looking at her. She is looking for signs to see if you are interested. I really think she is confused on how you feel about her so she will not make any moves. I think if she knew you were interested things might change. If she knew you move on she would be worried.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

I think my ex's perception of me has changed since i agreed to be friends with her. Even though she shows signs of interest here and there, i think all her romantic feelings are gone and now i have to accept that. Its crazy because i know i was probably one of the best men she ever dated and now im starting to think she is comfortable with the way things are with the new guy that she wouldnt care if she lost me.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
Thank you for your question. This is what you need to find out if she still is interested in having a life together. I know you do not want to put yourself out there because you are afraid she will reject you. But you just said it yourself you are one of the best guys she dated. She does not want to lose that but she wanted more. She cared about you so much that she saw you and her together forever. Now because she thinks that you did not want to make that commitment that you did love her enough. But she is wrong, marriage is a huge commitment and love is simple you just love. Just because people do not want to get married does not mean your feelings are any different and that is where people get confused. People think that if someone is not willing to marry them then they do not see the person as wanting to have a future together, but that is the farthest thing from the true. People who love each other do not all get married. People have long term commitments because some times people think that they do not need to get married to love each other. It all depends on how you feel. I think that she got confused thinking that their was no future because you were not willing to marry her. But that is not true you just needed time to make that commitment and she should have gave you that chance. Now she is holding on to the relationship you had, trying to stay friends in case something changes.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Right. i just found out that she is not trying to go to the same place as the guy she is with but is considering another placeto go to school. At the same time she is still undecided about whethet she ia going to stay another year or not. Regardless she is still planning a future without me in it as far as i can tell. I dont think she was trying to impress me with her changes.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
The guy she is with she is not planning a future with him if she is not going to the same area. I think that you need to talk too her about her plans for the future this way you will get to talk with her. You will also be showing her that you are interested in her future. You want her to know you still want to be involved in her life. I do not feel the person she is with is anything serious. You want to get back into her life and I feel talking with her about future plans will get her to open up because she will know you want to know. This is a good opportunity for you.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Thanks again. Soorry if some of my replies seem repetitie. Now with all this, it seems like she is moving on or has moved on. Maybe i looked too much into things. I know it seems like im second guessing myself but i wish i knew for sure before i approach her.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Today at work my ex has been acting really funny. She has been doing a lot of joking and teasing with me but ahe would then back off. I think me not contacting her really and ahowing her too much interest is cauaing her to act this way. Idk if she is confused or she is juat playing games with me but i know a connection is still there. She would later while we were in a group talk about her cooking dinner tonight but didnt bring up the person she was seeing. Also she keeps bringing up her going to school and houses she is lookimg at close by it. Imstarting to feel i should just move on because even if she isnt looking to be with the person she is with, she probably doesnt want to ever get back together. but it it seems like she doeant want to fully let go. Do you think that my ex really just sees me as a friend now or she is still holding out. The fact that she hasnt offered to give my stuff back is the only reason i see she still cant let go and her trying to be friendly or nice with my mother on facebook. But at the same time she could just be being nice and cordial and doesnt feel the way i think she does.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
Thank you for your question. She is teasing you and joking around with you that is a huge form of flirting. That shows me that she is trying to give you attention in a cute funny way. She also makes sure that when you are in groups that she mentions everything she is doing so you know what she is doing in her life. This shows me she cares what you think and wants you to know without directly telling you. She does not want to let go of your things because she can't she wants to hold onto those memories you both shared. She also hopes that you both can reconnect again and she would never want to lose the items that you both had together. I think you should flirt back with her, she must ave got nervous that you were not interested that is why she is teasing you and joking around because she wants to test you to see if you are still there and are interested in her.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Yea she has done stuff like that before. I told you about how she tried to hide some candy I had left out when I walked out the office for a second. She tried to play like she didn't have it but I know she does things like this when we were in a relationship like hiding my cigarettes and other things. She would then try to ask for a piece of candy and laugh when I tried to stop her but she ended up taking one anyway. The next day I went to my locker and found a brand new pack of the same candy in my locker. She had went to the store and and saw it I guess and picked it up for me. When I told her she didn't have to get it she played it off and said I know and walked away. I didn't want to read too much into because I thought she was just being friendly but I couldn't help but think there was something ehind it. Ex's don't go out their way to do little gestures like this for no reason. I guess she heard from a friend that I told them that she was trying to flirt with me and my ex told me when it was just me and her that just because I bought you candy doesn't mean im trying to flirt with you. I played dumb and said what are you talking about. Then she said nevermind, disregard that. It wasn't the fact that she bought me candy but how she was playing around the other day that got me thinking she was flirting. Even some of my other coworkers noticed the way she was acting and said she was flirting with me and that she wants you back but she denied it to me though. She kinda of stopped that playful behavior after that until yesterday when I told you how she was joking around and even hitting me on the sides of my ear and when I reached to hit her back she pulled away. Almost like she didn't want people thinking anything between me and her.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
Her actions are very interesting right now. She sounds interested in you and this is why she is acting this way. People are also noticing this so I feel she is now chasing you. This is what you want. Her buying you candy that is a huge sign that she wants you back. That is great, when people give gifts that is huge. People give gifts to people they care about. That is a special moment and a turning point. I think she is going to flirt with you more because she is interested. I want you to look for more signs like that because that is a major. I think she is opening up and being herself. People are noticing and she still is flirting with you, she waited a day but she still is flirting. What. major step she just took buying candy.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Her buying me candy happened a couple months back. between then and now she has been off and on.yesterday was when she started joking and teasing me out of the blue because she needed me to help her and some other coworkers out with something. I dont know if she was trying tobe friendly or if any of that meant anything but the fact that she is still planning her future without me in it bothers me. I feel like she really is moving on.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
Her needing your help at work that was a good way for her to talk with you. She was flirting with you and she must if been very happy she had an excuse to be with you. You both sound like you have such a good connection but she is afraid to get hurt so she backs away not wanting to take that next step. But when she is around you she can not help but flirt with you. That is how you know she is still interested. Nothing has changed when it comes to her feelings for you. She does not want to admit too herself she needs to go back too you. But she might not be able to block them feelings for you and she might not want to live with put you.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

You know you are right about us having a good connection.The times we do interact i always feel it but at the same time i feel she isnt interested in getting back together. But you never know. It does seem like all the times she has contacted post breakup she had an excuse whether it was wishing me happy birthday or good luck on an exam or congrats on a promotion or an award. her reaching out to my mother on her birthday could be thrown in there. But she hasnever just hit me up just to talk or see how i am doing or show any interest in what ive been up to. Dont understand it. It just makes me think that things are going really well with her boyfriend but like i said i just dont know.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

You know you are right about us having a good connection.The times we do interact i always feel it but at the same time i feel she isnt interested in getting back together. But you never know. It does seem like all the times she has contacted post breakup she had an excuse whether it was wishing me happy birthday or good luck on an exam or congrats on a promotion or an award. her reaching out to my mother on her birthday could be thrown in there. But she hasnever just hit me up just to talk or see how i am doing or show any interest in what ive been up to. Dont understand it. It just makes me think that things are going really well with her boyfriend but like i said i just dont know.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Also I don't want my ex to get comfortable and see me as just a friend now.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
I feel that she always had a good excuse to contact you and why she did this was because she could just say it was a friendly gesture. If she just contact you out of the blue to ask you how you were doing, you might ask her why she is calling out of the blue. If she calls and just says Happy birthday then it is her being thoughtful and thinking of you on your birthday. She figures you would not read anything into her just calling for a birthday wish. Her wishing your mom a birthday wish is her keeping in contact with your mom just in case you both got back together. This way their would be no problems when she comes back into your life. She is trying to keep a good relationship with your mom. Her congratulating you is her showing you that she wishes you the best and is so proud of your accomplishments. She wants to share n your good moments in life. I would drop some hints that you are interested in her. You want to do the same thing she would do too you. You could ask her about school and wish her luck, that is what she would do if you were going to school.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
So do you honestly think that love is there from her side. Its so hard to tell with this girl. She obviously is stringing me along which isn't good but I want to shake her comfort seeing me as a backup. Idk if she has even thought or consideted getting back together and if she even misses me. I think sometimes that she must be happy with the guy she is with.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

So do you honestly think that love is there from her side. Its so hard to tell with this girl. She obviously is stringing me along which isn't good but I want to shake her comfort seeing me as a backup. Idk if she has even thought or consideted getting back together and if she even misses me. I think sometimes that she must be happy with the guy she is with.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
You want to try to see if you can start conversations with her, even small things. It could be something about work or maybe you could ask her advice on something. Maybe how to cook something. You want to grab her attention without her feelings uncomfortable. Ask her for recipe she is always talking about cooking. The best thing to do is ask her how to cook a certain food. That could spark a conversation that is not awkward of uncomfortable. Maybe ask her a question about work. She would be more comfortable talking about these things then she will get more and more comfortable with talking with you. Right now it is awkward for her to start a conversation without having an excuse. This is why you need to make it easier for her to have a conversation. This way you can see how she acts towards you as well.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

You know sometimes i think that all my ex is doing is playing games and that she really is just taking advantage of the situation. Its a lot of positive signs but i still have my doubts about everything. Especially approaching her to talk about things.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
I think that she can not control her emotions when she is around you like when she needed your help at work. She could not help but joke around with you because her true emotions came out. I think that is why she does not always include you in conversations because she gets distracted by you and knows that her emotions will come out and people will question her. It is very obvious when she is around you that she has feelings for you and she would not want people to see those feelings. But if you were just to go up too her and talk with her about something simple I think you will see how she acts and I feel you will see how she truly feels. People who are in love tend to forget their environment and they just react because their emotions take over. That is why some times people argue in public because their emotions take over. I think that what happens with her is her emotions take over and she begin to flirt with you. That is why she hesitates to include you in conversations.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Idk, I really feel she just wants to be friends and will never want to get back together. She doesn't take any interest in whats going on with me and my life. I always get optimistic about the way things are but then I feel she really isn't interested in me. But why spend any effort in being nice or wanting to stay friends. She has enough friends as it is. I'm starting to come to terms that she really is over our relationship.

Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Idk, I really feel she just wants to be friends and will never want to get back together. She doesn't take any interest in whats going on with me and my life. I always get optimistic about the way things are but then I feel she really isn't interested in me. But why spend any effort in being nice or wanting to stay friends. She has enough friends as it is. I'm starting to come to terms that she really is over our relationship.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
You said she takes an interest in what is going on in your life. This means that she wants to know what you are doing in your life because she cares. You have to look at when people move on after a break up they do not are to know anything about them. They just want them out of their mind because they want to move on. She does not want to move on, she wants to stay and have you in her life. You are still very important too her. If she is interested in you life then it is because she really wants to know. That is a huge sign again that she is still interested in you. I do believe that she is waiting for the right time for you both to get back together maybe when she feels more settled in her life. maybe she feels the need to go to school and be the best person she can be for you. I think she is just going to keep showing you that she is someone you do not want to lose. She doesn't know that you still want to be with her that you will in time make a commitment too her. She is just trying to figure you out just like you are trying to figure her out.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

When I said that she doesn't take an interest in my life I meant that she has never just came up to me and asked how are you doing or what have you been up to. If you are talking about the times she has reached out to me to congratulate me or wish me happy birthday then there is some interest there but idk how much. I wish she would just take a chance on me and talk about how she truly feels. Also, those gestures of her's do you think that's just her being nice and cordial or does she really care.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
There is just so many signs that she cares about you. But she is not making any moves because I feel she is just not sure how you feel about her. How about you try this, she bought you candy as a nice gesture. That showed me she cared. Why don't you buy her candy she loves and tell her that you wanted to get her something as well. See how she reacts. You will be able to tell by her face how much she cares. If she looks surprised then she does not know how you feel about her. If she acts shy or awkward then she still has feelings for you. Things she does just seems like she is just not willing to let you go. She knows how she feels but she needs to show you. I don't think she will just go up and ask how you are doing because she needs a reason
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Thank you for your answer. The thing is she knows how I feel about her and that I love her. I told her her I love her ebough to let her go and that I want her to be happy whether it was with me or someone else. This was after she cut things off. I just feel that her mindset is that she can do better for whatever reason. She has a history of going from one relationship to another only thing is she doesn't stay in touch with any of her other ex's except me. I don't know if it has to do with us working together but if she would still wish my mom happy birthday then she obviously likes my mom still but won't make make direct contact such as a phone call or even just sms chatting with her. Also, you don't think my ex just sees me as a platonic friend now and not romantically.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
You have been the only ex she has stayed in contact with that is because she could not imagine her life without you. She could not fully let go. You wanted her to be happy whether it was with you or someone else. That was you putting her first that was really nice to say because it show that you think of her first. But you have to think about if she wanted you to fight for her. I think what she thought was going to happen was she planned to leave figuring you loved her so much that you would tell her that you wanted to get married. I think she thought her plan was going to work. But it back fired on her because you only want what is best for her. She thought you would try to keep her and take that next step to commitment. Now what she did was held onto you still hoping things would change but they didn't. They never changed and that is when after time past she tried to move on, but she still missed you so she contact you for your birthday and your mom. She had moments if how she wished things could have been different.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

So do you think she will ever come around or am i waisting my time. I only think she will if someone actually talked to her and pointed out her faults. I dont see her just leaving that relationship and coming to make things right with me. But if she still has love and truly does still want me,why not.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
I do believe that she will come around and I do not feel you are not wasting your time. There is a lot of things I see in the things you tell me that shows she is still interested and does not want to let you go. It seems like she is trying to change her life and is trying to show you that she is creating a future. When she is settled in her future that you and her can be together. It always seems like she is trying to impress you like going to school saying she is cooking. The cooking thing seems like that is something she felt like she might have felt she needed to do for you. Her saying that all the time that is important too her. Also school seems to be a subject that she wants you to know about. Now it is up too you to also talk with her about things in her life. Tell her you think that is great that she is going to go to school and talk about cooking with her. You want to show interest in the things she really wants you to know. The reason is because these things are very important too her. She wants to know that he efforts are being noticed by you. You are the only ex she has kept in contact with and that is because she still has things to prove too you. She want to show you that she is a good choice for your future.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

So you don't think her doing all these things is her just trying to move on with her life. I still have a hard time thinking her motives for going back to school and improving herself has anything to do with me. Especially since she cut things off with me.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
I think that she has something to prove in going back to school and bettering her life because I feel she thought she was not good enough for you. So I do not think she is doing this for herself. I think she thinks that she might have never measured up to being someone you wanted to make their wife. I think she thought that if she changes and creates a future that you would be more interested in her. I still am not sure if she knows how you feel about her. Some times even as much as you tell them they do not believe it because they can not understand why that person loves them so much. It just seems like she wants you to know what she is doing in her life all the time. It seems she is trying to impress you.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.

In my eyes it came across to me that she was trying to show me what I missed out on. I would never have thought I had anything to do with her future plans or motives.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
You feel that she is trying to let you see what you missed out on. When someone makes sure you know that they are cooking that is her trying to prove something too you. It's almost like she is saying she cooks now, she good at cooking, there is a message she is sending there. I want you to think about when you both were together if cooking was ever a subject that came up because it seem like she wanted you to know about her cooking. You want to look at all the hints that she drops. You want to really think about her comments things she wants you to over hear. Her buying you the candy was a huge sign that feelings were still there. She wanted to do something nice and she had an excuse. This is why I feel you should get her a little something as a nice gesture just to tell her your returning the kind gesture of her buying candy. I want you to think about if she ever talked about going back to school when you and her were together.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Its funny you say that because when we were together she only cooked for me once and now she is cooking a whole lot more now except she is with someone new. I can't help but feel a little jealous but that's not something I would let her know. Also, when we were together she never talked about going to school, although she was taking online classes. Now she is actually talking about going and attending classes at a school, but she is still undecided. Don't know where all this indecision is coming from but she is definitely an indecisive person.Also too, I look at the idea that maybe she is just cooking more to make up for the lack of she did with me in her new relationship.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
Those are the things I am looking at like the cooking. I think she feels that in your relationship she should have cooked more. She might have thought that was one of the reasons why you didn't want to marry her. This is why I feel she is trying to show you that she changed and cooks now. That is why this keeps coming up. She is trying to show you that she would now cook for you. I believe that she is going over what happened and what she feels the problems were in the relationship. I feel she set out to change to show you what she could be that she could be the perfect person for you. Now her going to school she might be trying to see what your opinion is on that and if you think she should go. It could be her trying to see if that will change things. I think she is always trying to impress you. The cooking is a sign that she is trying to show you things would be different now if you both were together.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
Thanks for the answer. She joked around today with me and a coworker. I gave her a love tap to the stomach and pushed her away gently of course while she was still laughing. I noticed that she doesn't shy away from contact with me or if she initiates it as well. She doesn't show any negative reactions when we are just joking around and I cant help but think that she may miss that with me. Being that we had a very playful and physical relationship where we would wrestle and play fight. I also think that she may just want some attention and it might not be anything. It could be that things may not be as good as it appears over with her boyfriend and she just wants a little attention. But I know that the guy she is with doesn't interact with her the way I did and she probably cant fully be herself like she was with me.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
This is another great sign and because you love tapped her and she did not pull away that shows me interest. Everything she is doing is flirting with you and she is looking for your attention because she wants to know that you are still there and interested in her. She needs to be reassured that you are going to joke and flirt back with her. If you ignored her then she would know that you are no longer interested in her. It sounds like her relationship with her boyfriend is not what she is looking for because she wants your attention, so that just means her boyfriend is not giving her what she needs in the relationship. The feelings that she has for you are still there and that is why she is joking and flirting with you. If you were able to love tap her then I would say that she was comfortable with you flirting back. She wants your attention and cares about you, that is very obvious. This was a good day of her getting more comfortable with you, This is a huge step in her knowing that your feelings are still there for her.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
So why act friendly and joking around but then turn back to ignoring me or walking past like she don't even see me. its like she would go out her way to ignore me or act like I don't exist. That may go on for weeks, then she would randomly joke around and play like we are cool. She keeps flip flopping and that drives me crazy. If we are cool then continue being like that. If not then just sever all ties. When she told me that we should just be friends I couldn't help but think that she really doesn't want to be friends and just did it to keep peace at work between us. Almost like if she did happen to move away and go to school, she would have no reason to contact me or be friends anymore. Sometimes I feel the love is still there and then I think its not. Even with all the things she still holds on to that belong to me. Whats to say she just didn't shove my picture somewhere or even through it out. I even told her when we were officially done. She told me that she still had it and that she would have gave it back to me if she didn't want it. But I know my friend was saying that she could possibly have it in her wallet or at her house so she could see me whenever she wants even though we aren't together.But I really feel that she just might want to be friends and keep that aspect of our relationship and nothing else.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.
So why act friendly and joking around but then turn back to ignoring me or walking past like she don't even see me. its like she would go out her way to ignore me or act like I don't exist. That may go on for weeks, then she would randomly joke around and play like we are cool. She keeps flip flopping and that drives me crazy. If we are cool then continue being like that. If not then just sever all ties. When she told me that we should just be friends I couldn't help but think that she really doesn't want to be friends and just did it to keep peace at work between us. Almost like if she did happen to move away and go to school, she would have no reason to contact me or be friends anymore. Sometimes I feel the love is still there and then I think its not. Even with all the things she still holds on to that belong to me. Whats to say she just didn't shove my picture somewhere or even through it out. I even told her when we were officially done. She told me that she still had it and that she would have gave it back to me if she didn't want it. But I know my friend was saying that she could possibly have it in her wallet or at her house so she could see me whenever she wants even though we aren't together.But I really feel that she just might want to be friends and keep that aspect of our relationship and nothing else.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
I think she test you to see if you are interested. When she sees that you are slipping away, she start with the joking when you respond then she ignores you. She wants to make sure she can go back too you at any time. I think she keeps the picture because it is a good memory she has of you. That is important too her even though you both are not together she does not want to let go of what you both had in the past. If she goes away to school I do believe that you will hear from her even though she moves away. The reason is because she will miss you even more not seeing you. It seems too me the love is still there but she is still torn and that is why her emotions are up and down. I think she wants to come back then she backs away again afraid to get hurt. But I also feel like she is keeping you there to see if she can get you back at any moment.
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Customer: replied 11 months ago.
My friend was saying the same thing. Its hard when we work together because she never as a chance to miss me because she always sees me or im around. I don't know how I can get her to realize that the problem wasn't one sided and that she had faults too. My friend said that if he ever got a chance to talk to her he would put that out to her because I don't think anyone has ever put that out to her including her friends. She needs to see that she doesn't take time to realize her faults in the relationship including her past ones which she always tries to rush things on and not giving things a chance. She needs to see that there will be bumps along the road.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
People often do not want to admit fault and they feel they are always right. But people need to look at both sides in order to understand. It is about walking in each others shoes. When it comes to relationships there needs to be a lot of compromise and understanding. It is important to discuss each others wants and needs. She wanted to rush the relationship, be settled and get married when that did not happen she decided there was no future. She should have given the relationship a chance to grow and to see where the future would bring you both, but she had no patience and left someone she loved to move on with someone she is not planning a future with. Then she flirt with you to see if you still care about her. If you pointed out her faults she would turn things on you and talk about your faults even though she had faults even too. But I feel like she knows she did the wrong thing but ignores her feelings.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

You think if it came from some else outside of me and her it would make a difference. Especially someone older.It dont make sensw to hold on to someone if they see no future.Especially if they are giving mixed signals.


 

Customer: replied 11 months ago.
You think if it came from some else outside of me and her it would make a difference. Especially someone older. It dont make sense to hold on to someone if they see no future. Especially if they are giving mixed signals.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 11 months ago.
Some times people do not realize certain things when they are in relationships. When people step away from a relationship then they begin to realize what they did wrong and how they are going to change things in their next relationship. People often think that when a relationship doesn't work out they need to change to have a successful relationship. But what they need to do is understand that the relationship they are in could be fixed and things could change. One thing she should have understood was just because she did not see a future does not mean that things were not going to change. She could have had built a future together with you. A future that had so many possibilities but she couldn't see beyond you making that commitment and now she is wondering what could have been. She knows she made the wrong choice but does not know how to correct it. So she flirts to know you are still there. She knows what went wrong but doesn't know how to fix it. I am sure her friends gave her many opinions, but in the end it is her decision. She needs to look at her life and give you a chance for things to be different. So I would continue to talk with her and get her to be more comfortable around you. This will develop more than a friendship and she will realize her love for you is not ever going away.
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Customer: replied 10 months ago.
I know you think I should talk to her but I was thinking about just ignoring her because im tired of the hot and cold routine. She needs to get the message that im not playing any games and that if she doesn't stop with the games then im just not going to bother with her. It would be different if we were still cool and hung out and could actually say we were friends but she doesn't put any effort to maintain that.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
If you ignore her she is going to try to get your attention. She might flirt with you or she might make sure you hear things about her life by talking loud with employees. She will not like you ignoring her at all. She will be worried she has lost you forever. That will cause her to act differently. But she also will wonder why you are ignoring her, she will begin to think you are mad at her and that you do not want her in your life. You could try doing the same thing too her. When she flirts with you, you flirt back. You said the next day she ignores you, well you do not give her that chance to ignore you, you do it first. send her the same mixed singles. She will be so confused by your actions. When she flirts with you she knows she has you and your full attention. If she thinks she does not have your full attention, she might interact more with you. She is constantly backing away. She gets close and backs off from you, you need to see if she responds to you doing the same.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Mmm. How do you think she would respond if i called her out on the game she is playing.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I think she would be embarrassed. She would either act in shock or she might get mad to cover up what she has been doing. She also might turn it around on you and say you are playing games with her which is not true. But she will not want to ever admit she is playing games and I think she would feel very embarrassed to ever tell you the truth. She might think that you do not know what is going on so if you figured it out the would be quite surprised and might not even know how to react. If you ignored her I think she would be so confused by your actions that she would be really trying to get your attention right now she knows you are interested because you flirt back so once she knows this she stops flirting. She just wants to know your there still.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

You think she would ever come around on her own or am i just waisting my time. I only see that happening if she ends up breaking up with with her boyfriend but i dont see her ending it on her own

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I think she is a strong person that will not stay with someone if she is not happy or see that the person is not for her. I think things could change between you and her but she needs to see that you do care about her and that you do have a future together. Right now she is not settled in her life so she has not decided on what she wants to do. I think if she was more settled in her life she would come back because I feel you are the one she wants to be with but feels like she needs to do certain things for herself first. She is trying to stay focus on creating a better life. This is why I feel that if you were involved in her talking about school and certain things she has mentioned. I think if you are supportive of her decisions she will see a future with you because you both can create a future together.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Now my ex has a history for going from one relationship to another when things dont work. Only thing is im the only ex she has still kept ties with. You think she will stillgo ahead and move on whether she leaves or stays into something new with someone else or she may try to make things right with me.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
All the signs that she does seems like she is torn between what you both could have been and I think she regrets leaving buy does not know how to make things right. She tries flirting and trying to get your attention because she thinks about going back then gets scared and backs away again. I believe she starts to miss you and that is when you have her attention. I'm sure her boyfriend is worried because you both work together. I bet he asks about you all the time to see if she is talking too you. I think she would know how she felt more by you making more contact. She would know that you are still interested.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

So do you think i should stop waiting for her to come around or do you believe she will in time. My thinking is once i truly move on then thats when she will come around.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
That usually does happen when someone moves on that is when the other person comes around. Then because it took so long for the person to come around you no longer want the person, then they end up chasing you. Right now she knows she is single and she has no worries. If you found someone else she would be right there trying to get you back because she would be jealous and worried she would not be able to get you back. I do think she will come around but she needs to understand you will not wait forever.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Yea thats what im thinking. She said we werent getting back togethet but i cant help but think she may secretly want to get back together. She says things but her actions speak differently.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I also believe she wants to get back together with you as well. She is just afraid to make that move and she also could be afraid of rejects. Some times people get worried the other person will not take them back because they left. I am sure she is torn on how to approach the situation. She does not want to just walk up too you and saying do you want to give this a second chance. She is going to continue to flirt and hope that you ask her. No one wants to be rejected and I feel if she gets rejected by you then what will she have left. I really do believe that you are the person she wants to be with, plan her further with but she is scared that if it all fails then she has nothing to go back too. That is what makes her nervous about giving this a second chance.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

I wish i knew for sure. Its hard to tell with this girl. But im willing to let the past be the past. If she does want to get back together,she should realize how much damage she has done with our relationship.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

I wish i knew for sure. Its hard to tell with this girl. But im willing to let the past be the past. If she does want to get back together,she should realize how much damage she has done with our relationship. From a womens perspective, do you think that all the mixed signals from her are just a game and maybe its just a way to mess with my head. It might be a way for her to just get attention and she just needs the ego boost or it could be a way to get me to make a move towards her because she fears that I might reject her back like you said.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I do believe it is fear if rejection and why she is not making a move. You can flirt back but that does not mean you want her back so she would never know how you felt. I do feel she wants your attention but only because she wants to see if you are still interested. Once she sees you are she quickly takes steps back and I feel it is regret that she let you go. She becomes confused about where the relationship is going to go because she knows she can not go back if she feels there is no future so she backs away thinking things will not change and she can not get attached too you . That is what the changes in her are it goes from hot to cold. I think maybe start slow and ask her to maybe go on break at work. Maybe have lunch together. You can even say do you want to eat lunch together but you know only as friends because I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable then laugh so she knows you are kidding but you do want to have lunch. This will give her an opening to think about having lunch and it will give you both time to talk you could even invite a coworker if you feel it would make her feel more comfortable. I think she is coming around but taking her time.
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Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thank you for your answer. I've asked you a billion questions and I really appreciate all the time and advice you have been giving. It has opened my eyes on a lot of things. Especially since a lot of your input has been said by some of my friends and even some of my coworkers. I feel that everything will work out in one way or another. I just hope that she doesn't wait too long because I may get snatched up just like that and be off the market lol. But either way I know ill be happy regardless of what happens. Thanks again for all your help and I will keep you posted on future happenings.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
That is very true about her waiting to long because she risks you moving on. You mentioned someone could snatch you up and that is very true. People can meet someone in one day and their life changes forever. She should not take the risk if you moving on, she needs to realize now that you will not be waiting forever for her to decide. But I just think she needs that little push in the right direction for her to know you are not going to reject her.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

One thing i forgot to ask is if my ex was theone to finally cut things off with me, why do you still think she is trying to impress me with these changes. You dont think she changed or is just doing all these things for the new person. Or, making changes for someone else in the future.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I believe that she broke things off because she wanted to get married she wanted that commitment. She wanted to plan a future with you and feel settled in her life. She wanted you both to build a life together, share goals together. But when you didn't want to make that commitment she started to think it was her that you didn't want to be with for the rest of your life. She felt that if you didn't want to make that commitment then you did not want to be with her forever, so she felt that you didn't not see a future with her long term. Now she has decided that in order for you both to have a future she needs to change so that you can see her as your wife in the future. She felt like there was something wrong with her that you did not want to get married. She felt rejected so rather then stay with you long term and get hurt and she felt nothing was going to change she left. But she doesn't know that you love her and did see a future together long term she just took the marriage thing as a rejection. She thought it was a nice way if you saying that you didn't see the relationship progressing into marriage. This is why she needs to see that you do want a relationship with her and you want her in your life forever.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

I believe that too only thing is im starting to feel like maybe she really is giving up on me. The whole ignoring me and acting like I don't exist makes me feel the love or feelings are gone. It seems to me like she is going to stand firm to her decision and never look back. I mean she said that she doesn't break up to make up but she has in the past so why not try with me. I believe im someone who is worth another chance and she was madly in love with me at one time and I made her happy. Happier than what I see from her now.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
If you know that you have made her happy and you know the relationship was good then I am sure she misses that, but she felt like her future was limited. I feel like she thinks she was not what you were looking for long term. But that was the furthest thing from the truth. You are in love with her and she just does not see how much you care for her because she is so busy blocking her feelings. She should be opening up and understanding that it is ok for you both to flirt, to talk to each other everyday. It is ok to walk by each other and just say hi. You should not let her just ignore you, you should say hi or even how are you today. The hot and cold needs to stop. I think you are the one that can stop it by just simply saying hi everyday too her and then conversations will start up and things will progress.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Ok I will try that out. Its funny, I'm pretty cool with most of all her friends still and they still interact with me. They know that I am a good man and was good to her and at one point were trying to talk to her about us getting back together. Of course that didn't work but im still on good terms with them. I wonder if my ex is bothered by that because one of her friends that works with us jokes around with me and interacts. She has even hung out at couple cookouts that me and some of my fellow coworkers threw. But my ex was never apart of it and she doesn't even hang with her friends as much now because of the guy she is dating. Her friends still don't know who it is and is keeping it a secret. Probably because she knows whoever it is not someone her friends would approve of and she is scared of being judged. But I know she can't be planning nothing with the guy she just didn't want to be alone. But I feel she is just still ready to move on to someone else after that is over.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
That is a very good sign that you get along with her friends because that means that you and her left on good terms. This also means that she never said bad things about you after the break up. That is another reason why I feel that she has always planned on getting back together. The reason why is she never wanted her friends to see you any differently. She would not want them to look at you in a negative way because when she got back together with you things would be able to stay the same with everyone getting along. I have to point this out because I have to wonder where her friends have not see this person she is with, if she really is dating. Also because she throws up things like she is cooking on her status, it just sounds like she is trying to make up something that is not there. There is a high possibility that she is not with anyone and thought that if she did this you would get jealous and come back too her.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

You know i was told almost the same thing from a couple others. I also just found a bit of news too. My exe's relationship is coming to an end pretty soon. I was told thos from one of her friends who let it slip but me and her cool. It just shows me that all of this was a way to help her move on but it was a dishonest attempt. I wonder if she will make any moves back towards meor change her attitude towards me onceits all said and done.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
Thank you for your question. That little bit of news is huge. It sounds too me like thing did not work out with the other guy because she is in love with you. I feel she has realized that she is in love with you and you are someone she could never replace. The feelings are just there. After the relationship ends then I would make sure you are there for her so that she knows that you are interested in her still. This is your opportunity to get her back into your life. She will be single and this is your second chance. I would joke around with her and flirt with her, just to show her you are interested. It would be nice for her to know that you want a future with her.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Well whenever her thing does end she would have to stop playing games. I would also have to find out everything she was doing while we were apart and she would have to be completely honest. But i still dont think she would still want to get back together because she may feel that our relationship is beyond repare.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
This is what you both need to talk about if the relationship is something she is interested in starting again. But she is going to have to know that things are going to be different this time. I feel when the relationship is over with the other guy she is going to want to be with you. I feel that is why the relationship didn't work out.
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Customer: replied 10 months ago.

The reason its not going to work is because the guy she is with is going to be leaving and also it is a person that works with us that has some rank on him which is by all means not acceptable in our line of work. I will say that we are in the military. The reason she wants to keep it under wraps is because she doesn't want to get in trouble. The guy she is with is going to be stationed somewhere else. When I was telling you about her trying to go to school, I think it was a way for her to get out the military so that she would not be around if she was to be found out. That would be a demoralizing and embarrassing situation to be in fraternizing. Especially with someone who is not compatible or someone she would consider dating at all.The whole time though she knew that situation would not work out and she still is going along with it until he leaves. The thing is people know who it is and have even brought it up too my ex but her pride and ego is going to keep her from admitting she was wrong. At the same time she is holding on to our relationship in a since. If I throw that into the mix, do you still think that her motives are based on still wanting to get back together. I think she knows that I know who it is and her behavior towards me is because of that. She is still undecided on whether she is going to stay in or not but most likely she is going to stay in the military. I feel that she only wnts to be friends because she doesn't want me saying anything about what she is doing and that she really could care less about me.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I feel that she is confused and knows that she should have never left you. She seems to be very undecided in her life in doing what she needs to do in her life. You both work together and you both care about each other. She was looking to settle down with you and be a family. I think she felt that when that didn't happen her life went into a different direction one where she felt like she had no control. When someone plans their life around a person being the one,they truly love their love feels like it falls apart when things do not work out the way she planned. I feel she was devastated and didn't know where to turn to mend her broken heart. But she got through it by keeping you in her life in hopes that you would see things differently. That you would love her and want to get married. She wanted all her dreams to work out. But she should have been patient because I feel the relationship would have went to the next level if she stayed. Now once this other relationship is over she is going to treat you different. I think she will flirt more and need you in her life.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

That may happen but at the same time I think her pride would get in the way of that. She doesn't want to be looked at as being wrong and also she would be worried about what others think. She probably might think that she did too much damage to ever make things right with me so she will move on to someone else. I'm not sure if she would comeback or even talk to me about what really went down.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I feel you both have a connection and she needs you in her life. I do think she will see if you both communicate that you are willing to let the past go and start again. You want to tell her that you are always there if she needs you. This will show her how much you care and love her. Right now she is unsure how you feel and if you will take her back. You need to drop hints too her that you want her back into your life.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

I understand that you feel we have a connection but when you rarely ever talk to someone it is hard to say whether the feelings are still there. My ex just recently deleted me off of her facebook. Along with my mother. I think now she is really trying to move on. Or it could be an attempt to keep me from knowing whats going on in her personal life as far as the person she is dating because she knows she could get in trouble and be judged if it ever got out. But the thing is, some of her friends know who the person is and it has been putting a strain on their friendship because my ex has been lying and trying to coverup her tracks. But her deleting me and my mother just makes me feel she really doesn't want anything to do with me. Almost like she is burning bridges. But it doesn't make since to nafter all this time delete me unless there is another reason. Maybe she thinks I know for sure who it is and doesn't want to be connected to me with that going on. Smh, don't know what to make of it. Besides, why bother being friendly with my mom after all this time and now delete her and me.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
It sounds like she does not want you and your mom involved in what is going on. She doesn't want you both to know what is going on either that way you are not involved. I would say she is protecting you so you are not involved. I think once everything is cleared up she will put you and your mom back on. She is keeping her distance because there is so much going on. But I would try to talk with her to see how she is doing. I think you should try to stay friends with her and see where things lead.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

When I get a chance, ill ask her how she has been doing. But at the same time I feel like calling her out on deleting me and my mother. Its like she is burning bridges to the past because she probably feels she can't go back and make things right after everything is set and done.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I would ask her about why she took you off Facebook and the reason why is you need to tell her that you thought you and her were friends. She keeps saying she wanted to be friends. Now she deleted you so she needs to make a decision if you are a part of her life still. She sends a lot of mixed messages like flirting with you and then after really positive signs she decides to delete you off Facebook and I feel it is because use does not way you involved in her life right now because there is so much going on. I feel she is trying to leave you out of it. She shows signs that she cares and wants to be around you, but then she takes you and your mom of her Facebook and the reason is so you both can not see anything that is going on in her life. But it could be to keep you both from being involved in what is going on. I would ask her what is going on and why she decided after all this time that she took you off her Facebook. I am sure she will give you an explanation She also might have done it to see if you will notice if you are paying attention to her life. I think she doesn't want you involved in her problems, but I would ask her you deserve an explanation.
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Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thank you for your answer. I was about to ask her today while she was standing watch which is military terminology, but one of her friends was with her and I didn't want to talk to her while her friend was around. Her friend knows about the situation but chooses to ignore it which makes me question her as a true friend because she seems to look the other way knowing that my ex could get in trouble if it ever got out but she is leaving soon so I guess she doesn't really care or bother to say anything. Also, you don't think that my ex deleting me could be because she knows I know who it is and maybe thinks im going to say something or have been saying things about it that would get around about her. She could also see the fact that me and her don't talk really anymore so there is no point in staying friends on facebook. I think her friend said something to her which probably made her mad at me and decided to delete me. But it just doesn't make any since especially if she was holding on to me and now feels like there is no point. I think the feelings are gone.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
I would ask her why she deleted you. There is a reason why and I feel if she wanted to be friends still why did she delete you. That is what you need to tell her if we are friends why am I not your friend on Facebook anymore. I think she is protecting you from being involved i this situation. She does not want you to have to be involved she wants to handle things on her own and once things are settled I feel she will be more comfortable around you. You might see her begin flirting with you again because she will be glad that everything gets resolved. Right now she is focused on this issue and does not know what to do. But I would ask her about Facebook.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

I feel she is cutting off people she feels knows bout her situation or is a threat to her getting caught. At one time she may have been holding on to our relationship but now I think she could care less. Her whole reason for thinking about getting out could be to get away from this situation and the people that know about it. I don't think she will ever regret doing what she is doing because if she did, she would have ended it all a long time ago. In her mind, she is justified in her decision for doing what she is doing. She may never attempt to make things right with me and I don't know if me talking to her will make a difference. But I do need to get the rest of my things that she has been holding on to and she still hasn't made any moves to do so. She probably could care less.

Customer: replied 10 months ago.

I feel she is cutting off people she feels knows bout her situation or is a threat to her getting caught. At one time she may have been holding on to our relationship but now I think she could care less. Her whole reason for thinking about getting out could be to get away from this situation and the people that know about it. I don't think she will ever regret doing what she is doing because if she did, she would have ended it all a long time ago. In her mind, she is justified in her decision for doing what she is doing. She may never attempt to make things right with me and I don't know if me talking to her will make a difference. But I do need to get the rest of my things that she has been holding on to and she still hasn't made any moves to do so. She probably could care less.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
Right now she is going through so many things because people are now finding out about who she is seeing, so she is shutting people out so they do not get involved with what is going on. I feel once she fixes everything in her life she will begin to let you back in, but right now she has too much going on to even make any moves. I do feel that you should talk with her and ask how she is doing and why she unfriended you. You deserve to know why she did that because she said you both were friends, so you need to ask her what has changed that she would just unfriend you out of nowhere.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thanks Debra. But maybe this is a lost cause. I think my ex probably had moved on a long time ago from our relationship. Most likely she fell out of love. I don't think she even cares about me or what im up to, or whether im doing fine. I don't see her ever looking back and regretting not giving things another shot. Maybe I just need to let it all go. Her deleting me and my mother off facebook just shows me that she doesn't want me in her life and again shows that she sees no future between us. I don't think she would even want to be cool with me after her relationship or whatever you want to call it ends. I think in her eyes im the enemy because she thinks im the one spreading the fact about the person she is dating.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
If she thinks you are the one spreading the word who she is dating then this would be why she deleted you off her Facebook because she does not want you and your mom seeing what she is posting. She does not want to get in trouble and she might think that you are telling people who it could be. Of course you would get blamed for that even though it is not you. You are the ex and she just assumes it is you, but she is wrong. The real truth is you do not want to be involved in it and that is her mistake she is making it is not yours. People often blame others to take attention off themselves. You should explain too her that it is not you and ask her if that is the reason why she deleted you. That is not fair for you to be accused of something you did not do.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thats understandable. But she could of blocked me instead of cutting things off completely. I think she is mad at me because she heard i was saying things about the person she is seeing and and probably hates me now. I dont think me talking to her will matter because she thinks im a threat to her relationship. Also ifound out the guy she is staying with thinks that i said something so there is no telling what he has been telling my ex. Like i said my ex probably would never want anything to do with me now.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
This whole thing is a misunderstanding and you should explain too her what happened. The problem is she trust you and knows you care about her, so she does not think you would do anything to hurt her in anyway. This is why if she heard thing, you need to straighten this out. You do not want her thinking things that are not true. Once a rumor goes around people tens to add to it making it worse then it real is. I would confront the issue.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thank you. At this point I think there has been so much damage done between me and her that she would never want anything to do with me. Do you think she will be more open once the guy she is with is gone. I feel she won't ever believe me if I told her I had nothing to do with the word getting out about her relationship. I don't understand why she would delete me and my mother off her facebook but still keep my circle of friends on there as well. She has to know that they know so why keep them on there as well. Also, she still hasnt made any moves to give my things back. If she was cutting me out then why not give those things back.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
That is very true, she would not want to keep your things if she was not interested. She kept your circle of friends so that she can keep you in the loop, but you not have direct access to her Facebook. She figures your friends can tell you, but she wanted to not involve you in everything that is happening. I think once the person she is involve with leaves, then things will change. I think she has so much on her mind that she can not focus. If things change then I feel she will open up and be more relaxed once this issue is over. I think she will be able to be more of herself and be the person she once was when you both dated.
Customer: replied 10 months ago.

Thank you for your answer. I can see that being the case but what do you think of the case where an ex is lying about the reasons behind us breaking up and saying things that imply im obsessed with her and I cant let her go. I can say that I still do love her even after all the lies and things she has done but I don't think im obsessed with her. I can function on my own single unlike her. She has told her friends many lies about me and makes them question how I am as a person but ive always been aout her. It also makes me question whether I should truly move on or if she is doing all this because of the situation she is in now. It seems like she wants people to believe that im the bad guy and I was at fault.and make herself look good.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 10 months ago.
Everything she is doing is taking the attention off her and directing it too you. She wants you to look bad so her problems will be ignored by others. She is not telling the truth about the break up and of course. You do not have to answer to no one but you could say to people only me and her know the truth. This way you are not putting her down in anyway. I feel you both need to talk because there is too many rumors going around. She should not be talking about you to everyone because if you both get back together. People will be so confused why she Saudi all those things. People do not realize there is always more to the story when it comes to relationships so they should not be judging who is right or wrong. What she is doing is taking the attention off her and giving it too you.
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

So ill ask you this, do you believe my ex truly feels the way she says to her friends or whoever. Like i said she may truly be over me but she has lied a lot about things and her actions in the past showed otherwise. At one point i felt her only reason for wanting to be on good terms was to keep me cool so there were no problems between me and her at work. i dont know if she truly cared to still be a part of my life or want to be a part of hers.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 9 months ago.
I do not feel her true feelings are being expressed to her friends. I think she is just trying to take that attention of her so she does not have to talk about what problems she is facing. I do not think she was in anyway trying to be nice so that you would keep things cool, I believe she still has feelings for you, but does not know what to do about these feelings. I think she just has no idea what to do because she has so much going on in her life.
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

Its at the point now where one of my exs good friends looks at me different now. I believe my ex has been telling her things that make me look bad like im jealous of her or im obssessed. I dont think my ex will ever regret doing what she has been doing. Idk but i feel like she could care less about me. i see her at work and she cant even look me in my face or acknowledge me. At the same time i can tell she isnt happy with things. She isnt the same women she was. But its funny how she still is friendly with my friends knowing that they possibly know whats going on with her. Why not cut them off too if she felt i was a threat.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 9 months ago.
She doesn't want to cut your circle of friends out because she still figures they can tell you how she is doing. Her not responding too you is because she just feels like you said all these things. You need to tell her the truth. You should sit down with her an explain things. You need to tell her you would never want to hurt her feelings. Her friend is being told things by her so she is looking at you different. She is going to take her friends side that is normal. She is listening to what she has been told, but she should just look at the person you truly are instead. But she is influencing her right now. I would try to talk with her to and explain things. Your ex is it happy because she thinks you said all these things when you didn't, so now she feels like she doesn't have you in her life.
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Customer: replied 9 months ago.

Do you honestly believe that things will change or rather my ex will change once the guy she is with leaves. Im hoping then she would realize that she made a mistake not trying to patch things up and moving on too fast. I feel like a big reason why she doesn't talk to me is because of her staying with that guy and not trying to make him feel uncomfortable talking to me and also, the fact that I know who it is must bother her if she goes out of her way to avoid me. But as far as there still being any love or feelings left for me idk.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 9 months ago.
She might be avoiding you because she is afraid that you will say something too her. Once this guy leave she will be much more relaxed. I think she will feel more comfortable to talk with you. Right now she has a lot on her mind that is distracting her. You want to give her space since she is currently avoiding you. Then I feel when he is gone she is going to have time to think that she made a mistake and that she wants to be with you. I think you both will be able to begin a friendship again and see where things will go from there. You not care about each other but I feel she is struggling with her problems.
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

You dont think i damaged things by just trying to be friends with her. i believe me agreeing to be friends made it easier to relieve her guilt for doing what she is doing. i dont think she looks at me the same or thinks im even boyfriend material. I think she will cling to somebody else once the guy leaves because she doesnt want to be alone and she has a history of doing that.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 9 months ago.
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