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Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.
I certainly understand your questioning the wisdom of your wife accepting this job. Are you and she discussing whether or not she should accept or is she making that decision unilaterally?
She is proceeding with the job follow up and paper work. She has a physical agility test with the airline in a week
I don't see the emails or know when she get the response she tells me about it
Have you talked with her and expressed your concerns?
I have but her response is always negative
And what about your daughter, has she been able to say how she would feel if her mother takes this job?
My daughter is going through her tough teen age years when they a most vulnerable and I think she needs her mom.
I agree. This should be a family decision.
My daughter has not said much I am not sure she realizes the impact it will have
My other concern is I just started a new job and I cannot afford to take off
I understand. Will this be a flight attendant job?
And is this her first FA job?
My daughter plays sports and we want to keep her involved to balance her school work and sports
Of course. How old is your wife?
She is 42
And what type of work has she done before?
She has always love flying and airplane
She worked for a news paper which was local
This is certainly a radical change. Is this unusual for her? Is she normally more sensible about things?
Yes for the most part we have had issues in the past but not to this extent
Almost sounds like a mid-life crisis. How long have you been married?
And the two of you have a good relationship?
well we argue like some folks do. Honestly our relationship as not been greatest but we tried to stick out throught the years
So communication between the two of you is not the best?
Have you ever been in couples therapy?
No I mentioned it once and she didn't want to
How long ago was that?
maybe 7 years ago.....I know its a long time
Well, I can certainly give you a communication model that will help you talk with her about your feelings, but I am a Marriage and Family Therapist in practice for over 20 years, and in my professional opinion, all 3 of you need to see a family therapist to talk about this huge decision. I can tell you that if she goes through with this without involving your daughter and making sure she is okay with her mother being away (which she won't be!) you are very likely to be going to family therapy in the future because of some issue with your daughter.
Teens have a way of being what we call the "Identified Patient" and get their parents into much needed therapy!
Does all of this make sense?
Yes it does
Should I talk to her with my daughter there
Well, I would talk with your wife first and tell her that the two of you need to discuss this with your daughter, that it will effect her life tremendously and it is only fair to include her in the discussion. Then I would schedule a family meeting.
ok I think I will do that
Good. And if you need a family therapist, here is the link to the MFT website where you can find therapists in your area www.therapistlocator.net. Do you have any other questions for me
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX have no more question. I have a good start
You are very welcome, my pleasure. If you need my help in the future, simply place "Ask Eleanor" at the beginning of your question and it will be directed to me. I wish you, your wife and daughter all the best. Take care, Eleanor