Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
I am sorry you are going through this. it sounds as if he may suffer frm anxiety and it gets kicked up with the idea that you will be away from him for some time.
I do not believe it makes you a bad wife for desiring to go to your cousins wedding and to see your elderly grandmother.
there may be no reasoning with him on this issue and it may come down to you making the decision that feels right for you in your heart.
It doesnt sound like it will be an easy time with him about it, but it sounds like if you don't go, you will regret not being there. that is what comes through to me.
What does your heart want to do?
I see you are here with me in the chat. I am here when you are ready.
i can hear that.
it comes down to weighing for yourself which is going to feel the best for you...
does he get along with your family?
That is what it sounds like and that can be a tough spot for you. If it were me....I would stand my ground on this one as it is a big one...its not like a dinner date with friends that he is asking you to be with him instead.
I would offer him the option of going again while stressing to him how important it is for you to go to see your cousin and your grandmother
That is how i would handle it if i were in your place.
he will kick and scream but that would not make me abandon my sense of self and my desires.
yours are as important as his and this is a big deal...again not a dinner and movie with a friend.
and your marriage is relatively new...if you set this precedent where he controls your movements like this, you will bump into this quite often.
I hear some possible depression and anxiety and this is something that needs to be looked at for him.
Threatening to harm himself if you go away for a family event is pretty serious and I would be calling a doctor, a therapist or someone to get him a consultation.
If he is using it just as a way to control then this still indicates that there could be some difficulties that need to be addresses.
you bring up some interesting points and now his fears become clearer due to his worries of abandonment and this kicks it up. I really believe that you need to get into some treatment together and get him the help he needs to deal with these very powerful feelings that are now being played out in your relationship.
Where are you located? I can try to help finding someone for you if you need that help.
I agree that help is needed. These are big long standing issues that need to be addressed. he deserves that and so do you in your marriage.
when is the wedding?
Here is a therapist in your area. http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=36140&sid=1373152445.781_18148&city=Greenville&tr=ResultsProfileBtn&trow=5&ttot=140
his direct website. http://www.drterrymolnar.com/
such a tough spot for you as I hear how you worry about how fragile he is and are torn because of your desire to go.
and what does she suggest you do?
Therapy sounds paramount for him.
and if you feel strong enough to go and strong enough knowing he will be okay then following your heart sounds right.
I do worry that the resentment will be there for you if you don't go, but I certainly understand your worry for him.
His fears of earlier times are being played out here and reassuring him you are not leaving him only spending time with family which he is a part of for a joyous occasion
he is invited and if he doesnt go that is his choice, but why does that affect yours? this is the question you need to ask yourself and make your decision from there.
yes and therapy will help with that and you must stand your ground on that issue
so although i can't give you the answer as to what to do, i think you have the decision within you and what feels best for you. follow your heart, love him and get him into treatment.
I believe you know what feels right.
I wish you the best with this and encourage therapy.
you can come back to me anytime.
request CoachJenK and it comes to me. I wish you the best
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let me know if I can help you further. If not, I will sign off after your rating.