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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1828
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My boyfriend is a Mexican, living in the United States. He

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My boyfriend is a Mexican, living in the United States. He doesn't have long-term immigration papers for being there, and it will take at least 15 years before he is able to get a green card. His family is there operating a business which it is his dream to be involved in, and he is very close with his family. The business depends on him. I was there with him for a few years but one day I realized that we will not be able to immigrate long term since he is not as dedicated to fixing his visa as he could be. I have tried to talk to him about it but he avoids the situation and tells me to stop nagging him. Now I am back in Canada and our relationship is in shambles. I can't get him to discuss any of our relationship issues or immigration issues. I want him to come to Canada but he has said he does not want to come here because his family and business are there. We do love eachother but because of these recent events both of us are now doubting our relationship. Also I feel that he is less than 100% committed to me because he has been saying that he wants to improve our relationship before thinking about immigration. We were fighting a lot before mostly surrounding immigration, the way they run their business and communication issues. But I was always devoted to him and I feel that because he does not want to come to Canada that he is less devoted to me. I have told him this, but he is in pain right now and is avoiding talking about our issues, which in turn leaves me feeling incredibly dissatisfied. Is there any hope for this relationship or is it just not meant to be? Should I keep holding onto my love for him or just let him go?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra :

Thank you for your question.

Deardebra :

I feel this relationship is worth holding onto.

Deardebra :

Right now he is unsure what he wants to do, he has dreams of being involved in the family business and I feel this is what he has wanted to do for a long time.

Deardebra :

Once he met you his life began to change and I feel he began to involve you in his life plan.

Deardebra :

But because he has to make a huge change and Move to Canada I feel he has concerns.

Deardebra :

I feel that it is not the relationship commitment part, it is just that he is unsure wether he wants to move.

Deardebra :

That is a big step for him to go to a new place, you need to reassure him that this is a good decision for him to come to Canada.

Deardebra :

I want you to tell him how you feel about him and what your life would be like in Canada. You mentioned about him not wanting to talk about things, but you could write him a letter or an e-mail telling him how you feel.

Deardebra :

This will give him time to read the letter or e-mail without being pressured on making decisions, but it will let him know how you feel about him and explain why you want him to live in Canada.

Deardebra :

You both love each other and I feel this relationship he feel need to improve and that just means he needs to feel more secure in his decision to plan his future together.

Deardebra :

He wants to make sure that you love him and want to spend the rest of your lives together. He could be worried that if he moves to Canada you might change your mind. This is why he needs to know that you love him and you want to work things out so that you both can build a strong, solid relationship together.

Deardebra :

I just feel he is unsure and needs to be reassured.

Customer:

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX writing the letter is a good idea. I'm not sure if it will work because he is so intent in staying in the United States but it is worth a try

Deardebra :

I feel if you that he could change his mind and want to start a life with you in Canada.

Deardebra :

The reason is love is a very strong emotion.

Deardebra :

People often choose love because they realize that they want to plan a future with someone they love.

Deardebra :

He could change his mind even though right now he is set on The U.S.

Deardebra :

I think in the letter you should talk about your future together, this will show him that you want to spend your life with him.

Deardebra :

I feel there is hope in this relationship and with reassurance of your love for him I feel you will see it is meant to be. This relationship is with holding onto and I feel you should not let him go. Thank you again for your question.

Customer:

Thanks

Deardebra : You welcome. If you need anymore help you can request me.
Deardebra : Please accept my answer.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1828
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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